My EX has not seen our son for over two years, help!!!!

[grtdaddy]

wow nobody?

[Davy]

Begin with Supervised visitation only.  A piece of paper may not prevent the baby from being snatched.  You need to know the parties that are with your baby if possible.

[grtdaddy]

do you or anyone else think i have a good chance of getting physical custody? i also have 15 letters of testimony to file, which includes witness of her abuse. and support for me of my stable home i provide. she believs she will get joint custody, and i do not want that. like said i want supervised visitations for a good long while to start out. but my baby needs to live in my home. please any comments are very welcomed and i need support i'm going through the worst time of my life in fear of my sons well being.

[ocean]

You have physical custody now and have been the primary parent for two years.... How can she ask to do half custody if she does not live with you? Don't be too afraid of joint legal, especially if she is far away. It gives her the right to contact his school and get report cards and talk to drs if she chose too but bottom line is that you are there taking him to the dr and school.

Is it possible to get some of your witnesses to court instead of the letters? Better the judge hears from a real person because in our experience the letters may never be read just collected from you. Have your lawyer bring in a few.

Do you have evidence of her hospital stay? Your lawyer can cross examine her on that... You can testify to it but hear say rules make a lot of questions illegal to ask so ask your lawyer about that too..Maybe ask for a full psychological on her due to her past?

They will probably start out slow with visits and if she follows through with them all it will get increased. Eventually doing a more regular schedule...How far is she from you? Driving distance for weekend visits?

[grtdaddy]

she lives 15 hrs away, but now she is moving back to this area apparently. which changes some things. but she has no job, or a place of her own. she is staying with a friend. everything she has done and being done has been funded by an online stranger, I on the ohter hand have to sacrifice to fight it's really unfair after all this time. he has pretty decent report cards which i am hoping will show he is in a stable enviroment. She has not seen him in over two years, I want full physical custody do yout hink i have a good shot at getting it?

As far as the hospital is concerned it is documented she has proplems and problems with depression and suicide. I also have witnesses that are willing to testify to her abuse. She also got evicted from her apartment and abandoned her animls in the apt which should really show how iresponsible she can be. She really believes she will get joint physical custody, that is my biggest fear what do you think?

[ocean]

Hi again,
Since you have him and she doesnt have a place, you have a great change of keeping physical custody. Keeping him in his school is very important to the courts so if she doesnt move into your school district would be very good for you but for right now dont worry so much.

When you get to court try not to be so negative about the mother. State facts without too much neg emotion. That you want son to know his mother in a safe environment and right now that you feel supervised would be best considering the circumstances but if the mother shows the courts and remains in counseling the court can give her more slowly. That your son was just reintroduced to the mother after 2 years that it needs to be slow.

Like I said before, dont worry about the joint legal even if she lives close by. It really doesnt do much. If you "give" in to that and that makes her happy then DO IT. She probably figured out that if she gave you full physical custody then she will have to pay you child support which you can also negotiate. Has she been paying? If not, then you can offer her a reduced amount and a gradual visitation plan according to the courts and how things go. Definitely bring some people to testify in your behalf.

When is your next court date? YOu need to relax and I know that is hard to do but this is going to be months (and my guess will be at least a year) for this to be settled unless the two lawyers work something out so...you need to turn it off so you can still have a life through this. Go and enjoy raising him and deal with this when you have to. Right now you have to but it doesnt have to be 24 hours a day. Court will take over your life if you let it.

How is your son doing about seeing mom again for the first time this weekend? Are you allowed to be there and stay if he wants?

[grtdaddy]

Hi again,
Since you have him and she doesnt have a place, you have a great change of keeping physical custody. Keeping him in his school is very important to the courts so if she doesnt move into your school district would be very good for you but for right now dont worry so much.

When you get to court try not to be so negative about the mother. State facts without too much neg emotion. That you want son to know his mother in a safe environment and right now that you feel supervised would be best considering the circumstances but if the mother shows the courts and remains in counseling the court can give her more slowly. That your son was just reintroduced to the mother after 2 years that it needs to be slow.

Like I said before, dont worry about the joint legal even if she lives close by. It really doesnt do much. If you "give" in to that and that makes her happy then DO IT. She probably figured out that if she gave you full physical custody then she will have to pay you child support which you can also negotiate. Has she been paying? If not, then you can offer her a reduced amount and a gradual visitation plan according to the courts and how things go. Definitely bring some people to testify in your behalf.

When is your next court date? YOu need to relax and I know that is hard to do but this is going to be months (and my guess will be at least a year) for this to be settled unless the two lawyers work something out so...you need to turn it off so you can still have a life through this. Go and enjoy raising him and deal with this when you have to. Right now you have to but it doesnt have to be 24 hours a day. Court will take over your life if you let it.

How is your son doing about seeing mom again for the first time this weekend? Are you allowed to be there and stay if he wants?

she is being garnished for childsupport. she never liked paying. she is moving back in with a friend she met from the bar scene back in the day which is a party house still. I was allowed to be there for her two hr visits, my son doesn't know what is going on obviously and i am putting him into councling right away. i have documentation of reported abuse from the mother when we left her. i am hoping this will help keep things slow and keep him with me where he has been well taken care of and doing so well. she will not be living in our school district not even close. I understand she will get visitations but my goal is to keep it slow for a good while and keep him living with me full time. I can't express enough how much he has changed for the better with the stability and continuity provided for him in my home. I had no idea this could last a year after she has been out of the picture for so long, everyone keeps telling me not to worry i will have custody. But it's not easy to relax.

[ocean]

It is good if it lasts a year because he is in your home for another year. She needs to prove why she should have custody and why it would be in the best interest of the child. The burden in on HER. You care there to show everything is fine and counter what she says.

The counselor will help you but go and interview them FIRST without son. It took us at least 2-3 tries before we got one that fit our needs. Tell them the situation and see how they react, how they would handle it, and get a feeling from them. If son is doing okay with things, then maybe have the counselor for YOU and not him. My kids hated therapy. They didnt like to keep talking about it so if he is doing okay and mom is being good and not telling him he is going to live with her...leave it alone. Tell you son that mom came back and wants to start seeing him again but that everything else is fine. Maybe have individual counseling with you and one in a while family in case he needs someone in the future. You dont want to start telling him "mom wants to take you away" therapy sessions when they probably wont happen. Live life for him as close to regular as possible.

When is your next court date and what is it for? Are they starting a custody tria; or hearing? A hearing is just another day to reahash what is going on so then it will be pushed back again...we call family court "hurry up and get there..then wait"

[grtdaddy]

It is good if it lasts a year because he is in your home for another year. She needs to prove why she should have custody and why it would be in the best interest of the child. The burden in on HER. You care there to show everything is fine and counter what she says.

The counselor will help you but go and interview them FIRST without son. It took us at least 2-3 tries before we got one that fit our needs. Tell them the situation and see how they react, how they would handle it, and get a feeling from them. If son is doing okay with things, then maybe have the counselor for YOU and not him. My kids hated therapy. They didnt like to keep talking about it so if he is doing okay and mom is being good and not telling him he is going to live with her...leave it alone. Tell you son that mom came back and wants to start seeing him again but that everything else is fine. Maybe have individual counseling with you and one in a while family in case he needs someone in the future. You dont want to start telling him "mom wants to take you away" therapy sessions when they probably wont happen. Live life for him as close to regular as possible.

When is your next court date and what is it for? Are they starting a custody tria; or hearing? A hearing is just another day to reahash what is going on so then it will be pushed back again...we call family court "hurry up and get there..then wait"

next date is june 15th. the first one was just a emergency temp custody order which i got. I did call and talk to another lawyer just to see what a different one would say. he pretty much said i should win custody hands down. of course he didnt want to go into it too much without some money. and from my understand there was not a lawyer in town that would take her case, i'm not sure why but the one she got now took it for the money at the last second. A friend told me it's probably due to winability, which i pray is true. I have alot of dirt of her, i really don't want to be ugly but it may come to that if this really goes on for as long as you stated. The courts have got to look at her mental status from her past, along with the documentation of reported abuse and her suicide intentions. of course my lawyer would need to get the records of her mental hospital stay. This is very scary, she is truley a crazy person and quite honestly I don't trust her around our child in the least.

[ksmarks]

You have had custody of your son for two years, mom has been out of teh picture, and unless there is something you are not telling us about yourself, (dwi's, criminal charges, etc.) there hasn't been a change in circumstances that would indicate that it would be in your son's best interest to have teh custoy as it now stands to change.

My first perference is joint legal custody with a 50/50 spilt, however, your case is different, no contact, distance, and instabilty.  All of those things will come out.  I do advise you against saying anything negative to your son about his mother, all children have the right to believe that they are loved and supported by both of their parents, and no child has ever thanked their parent for trashing the other.  Always take the higher road, and you will be able to live with both yourself and your son without unneccesary bitternes.

The biggest concern is always what is best for the child, and that is the job of the courts, if the parents cannot agree, you mostly likely will prevail, and won't require additional "dirt" on the mother.

Important things to remember and feel good about is that your son is happy and loved not only by you but also your extended family and friends.  He has a sense of community and that is important to health and well being.

If mom wants to be involved that is great, and also good for your son, this should not be veiwed as a win lose situation, just what is good for the boy.  If mom is not stable, i.e no place to live, no job, and unbalanced it will all be scene for what it is, not in his best interest.

Any court activity is stressful, and can consume you, If both attorneys have told you that this is a slam dunk, relax, until you have cause to be concerned, otherwise it is a waste of effort and energy that would be better spent enjoying your son. ( It is hard to play a board game if your obsessed with what might happen.)

Kids are smart, and hear alot more than they should so be extra careful not to discuss the pending case around your son, or even where he might hear it.

Good Luck, and chin up. Have Faith!