MySpace 9 as 19

[Mom1Step2]

As parents I truly believe we should explain and take a stand between respectable behavior and poor judgement/bad behavior no matter where they live.   

Just a guess here, but I would assume the father has already had the talk with the kids about not being on myspace.

Since the mother not only allows the kids to be on myspace, but would likely create new accounts of myspace got rid of her children's accounts, she's encouraging bad behavior.

That is very difficult to work around.  Insinuating that the stepmother and father are lacking proper parenting skills is a assumption in the negative direction.

Thanks Rave.

[Rave]

I don't know exactly how I'd approach this if I were you and your DH, but my goal would be to make BM uncomfortable with the situation that she choose to comply with my restrictions rather than to continue putting the children at risk.  Might take some considerable thought to come up with a plan, but that would be what I'd be spending my time on.

Assuming I'd start with documenting and also have my attorney fire off a letter to her hoping to scare her into compliance.

Since she has no job right now, she'd be in a pickle if challenged financially.

[ocean]

Can you see the my space account? HOw many friends does she have? If this is ONLY being used to talk to mom then okay and it needs to be monitored. BUT they are not using it at your house so who are the messaging from HER house?

Contact my space..have them delete it and explain why you did it to the kids after they get home. I like the idea of sending her a certified letter (or if you want to pay a lawyer to do it) stating you are deleting the account as she is 9 years old and not 19 and this is a not a site for young kids.

[Kitty C.]

I don't know what MySpace's rules are regarding this, but if they do have something on the books, it would be even better if the notification to the BM came from MySpace directly.  BM will still know that Dad 'snitched' on her to MySpace, but it won't change the fact that the powers-that-be are watching.  In other words, you're getting 3rd party objective involvement, an entity that has no stake in what's going on in the dynamics of the family AND might be called upon to verify what transpired if the need arose.  If BM were smart (and most of them that act this way usually aren't), she'd realize she's being watched and this could come back to bite her hard.

[Mom1Step2]

We always document everything we can.

As for being financially chalanged, she has no job but gets unemployment.  She lives with her mother, and drives a boyfriends truck.  She seems pretty set to me, and if she wanted to fight, and they thought she had a good enough case (they are all as nuts as her), her mom would help pay.

We did see one page that was only partially private.  9 year old had maybe 5 friends (this is blocked now).  The 12 year old's page was completely blocked so we dont know.  They both have pictures up of themselves and have the Mother's City listed as their location. 

The whole thing came up because DH's mom heard the 9 year old talking about someone from My Space wanting to date her (luckly it turned out to be a kid as well, but ugh!)

Thanks everyone for your input!

[MomofTwo]

I actually agree with Davy, I think he has a valid point.  Talk directly to the kids. Tell the 9 year old she needs to fix her age or you will have the account deleted and any other account created for her.  Tell the children you will be getting access to the accounts and you will be monitoring them.  I teach my children all of the time consequences in our decisions -- good choices hopefullly equate to good things happening, bad choices will end up with bad results. Her having herself as 19 is a bad choice and she needs to be taught and explained the bad consequences that could happen as a result.   Parenting doesn't stop when the children walk out the door to the other parent's house.  You won't be able to stop Mom from allowing it.

I understand they are at Mom's, but Mom is right in some perspectives (and no I don't mean in allowing these accounts).  Unless she is putting the children in harms way (and there would be a big debate about that with these accounts), you can't tell Mom the children can't do something at her house anymore then she can dictate to you what can be done with the children at your house.  Albeit not the best decision, it is her's to make.  Same with "(Staying up all night, watching R rated movies, and much more.)"....you can't dictate to her how to parent.

This is one of those pick your battles. You know about the accounts. Find out what you can, monitor them, monitor who the kids chat with, I am sure there is software you can install for tracking....
   

[ocean]

My SIL went through this. It took about a week for myspace to delete the account. If you go to myspace.com and find the parent area, there is a form to fill out regarding your child's account. You can tell them the situation on how old the child really is and that you are the custodial parent. THere is also a phone number for them, not sure how that works.

I think that the conversation with the children has to be when they come home. You can't put the children in the middle. WHen they come home, if there is another page or it is still open, you can have them log on in front of you, then change password to only what you know and delete any friends you dont know personally. THen start teaching them about safe ways of using the internet.

[Kitty C.]

I certainly agree with the teaching at home, but that's only good for the future.  But it doesn't take care of the profile currently online.  If she's already getting asked to date (are you absolutely positive it was a kid??), who knows what else might be brewing because of what has already been posted.  I still say contact MySpace and let them take the lead on this, especially if you can't access the account yourself.  This is an issue that is too controversial and a hot topic.....the current social networks want to avoid this stuff like the plague.

[MomofTwo]

Oh! I agree with both of you. I didn't mean for them to let it slide and only deal with the kids...I just think it is super important for the children to know that despite they are doing this with Mom's blessing, you will be parents and do what you need to to ensure their safety.

Absolutely have this conversation when they come home, have them sign on, contact MySpace...do all of those things others said, it's all great advice.  But, don't let them pit you against Mom either, they need to know your structure has long reaching arms.

[Rave]

I actually agree with Davy, I think he has a valid point.  Talk directly to the kids. Tell the 9 year old she needs to fix her age or you will have the account deleted and any other account created for her.  Tell the children you will be getting access to the accounts and you will be monitoring them.  I teach my children all of the time consequences in our decisions -- good choices hopefullly equate to good things happening, bad choices will end up with bad results. Her having herself as 19 is a bad choice and she needs to be taught and explained the bad consequences that could happen as a result.   Parenting doesn't stop when the children walk out the door to the other parent's house.  You won't be able to stop Mom from allowing it.

I understand they are at Mom's, but Mom is right in some perspectives (and no I don't mean in allowing these accounts).  Unless she is putting the children in harms way (and there would be a big debate about that with these accounts), you can't tell Mom the children can't do something at her house anymore then she can dictate to you what can be done with the children at your house.  Albeit not the best decision, it is her's to make.  Same with "(Staying up all night, watching R rated movies, and much more.)"....you can't dictate to her how to parent.

This is one of those pick your battles. You know about the accounts. Find out what you can, monitor them, monitor who the kids chat with, I am sure there is software you can install for tracking....
   

The mother tells the kids not to log in from the dad's house.