MySpace 9 as 19

[Mom1Step2]

Oh Kitty, if you liked all that, you are going to love this...

BM's mother and step-father (who she lives with), both work for the Sheriffs department.  Her mom works in the office with payroll, and dad is an officer.  I guess we could call in as annomous, but if we have to start giving details it will surly get back to them.  It has happened before.  Corrupt, maybe, but what can we do?

We do understand MySpace's position as well.  We dont have a problem with them because they said they would shut down the accounts if we requested.  But we know BM would just do it again, so it is not really worth it to us.  Just makes everyone mad and then they still have an account that we cant even find.

Know what else is great?  When DH was talking to MySpace last night he asked them to at least look at the account themselves to see if anything unappropriate was on there (since they wouldnt give him access).  The woman said that there was no indication that the page was run my a 9 year old.  He asked about the picture of the 9 year old.  MySpace said that people can put up any picture they want, a picture of a niece or daughter, or a picture of themselves when they were younger.  So they have no way of knowing that a child runs the page, and no one else does either.  Great, huh?  Pedophile city.

[Kitty C.]

Oh good Lord............gotta love Small Town, America.  Figures.

Well, I'll certainly be praying for the child.  But it really chaps my a$$ when there are people in authority who know of a potentially dangerous situation involving a child...but fail or refuse to do anything about it.

And I guess I was wrong about the social networks being nervous about these issues, especially after that murder on the East Coast.....obviously they don't give a $hit.

Gee, can you tell I'm pi$$ed?? 

[Davy]

[HIGHLIGHT=#ffffff]"BTW Davy, 9 and 12 year olds are a little too old to "train", they are not dogs.  They do have free will, and if that free will is encouraged by an authority figure..."[/HIGHLIGHT]

Three summers ago my grandson, 12 at the time, came for a two week visit arranged by my daughter, his mother.  The boy lived with his maternal grandmother and came along with all the smart-mouth one could mustard.

After a few days of being all hyped up about Myspace which I knew only conceptually.  He begrudingly showed me his page then showed me his sister's page .... age 13 going on 25... which invoked a serious conversation with him, my youngest son (his uncle) and myself.   We never see this boy but he looks upon both his uncle and myself as role-models and with respect and authority ... a condition he absorped from his mother which, in essence, was the purpose of his visit.  The male role-models he didn't have where he lived.   

We convinced him of the potential dangers and, as I remember, the false sense of relationship building he is gaining with his Myspace friends.  He asked about a week later if he could get on to check his Myspace and I said, well certainly, and that was all that was said.   My son spoke with him a couple of months after he went home ... he wasn't on any more and he thought he was winnng over his sister.

When my grandson's uncle was about 10 years old he was on the front porch with a sherriff's deputy and his mother waving custody papers when I heard him say "you can take those custody papers and put em where the sun don't shine" and the deputy quickly said "you heard what the BOY SAID...ma'am".  I later asked if he had heard his older brother or sister say that and he said he made it up on his own.   I said some might think I told you to say that ... he said he would set them straight.

I guess one might say he was an independent thinker with a mind of his own and well trained.

He wouldn't be taken in by an authority figure because he had an authority figure that had earned his trust and respect that trained him in the reality of the truth.

IT WORKS BEST and I post this for Dad's encouragement and hope he listens to me rather than mom1step2.

[Kitty C.]

I wholeheartedly agree with what you're describing here, Davy, but you of all people would probably be the first to admit that it takes time to establish that kind of trust and respect.  And if the OP and family can establish that eventually, then future problems like this would be resolved.  I think it's what all parents strive for.....but as to achieving, some seem to do so better than others.  This is human nature, reality we're talking about here, and there's always extenuating circumstances that eventually intervene to make the process difficult, as well.

My main concern is the here-and-now.  Hypothetically, the child in question could be online right now with a perpetrator posing as a kid, asked to meet ('but don't tell anybody!'), she sneaks out of the house and.......gone.  So there's 2 approaches here:  nipping in the bud what's already transpired to prevent a dangerous situation from happening and working to make sure it never happens again by working on the trust and respect that will build a child's self-esteem to the point where they can shrug off the temptations that try to draw them in.

[Davy]

Kitty... I STAUNTCHY AGEE with every word you said.  Is does take time and it started when the 3 were babies and sadly years later they were found in their mom's home town miles from home where they had never lived before under the heavy influence of a bed-ridden pill popping alcoholic (MIL) basically the same as a pedofile.  They were lost and damaged souls and had lost their mother as well (and so had I).  .........................

Back to the matter at hand.  It might help, a respectable authoritive figure like a pastor, school principle, etc explain the reasons they should should use caution on the internet in a non-reprimanding fashion while expain what good things the internet has to offer.

I look at it this way.  None of us as parents have had any training in all these worldly matters in protecting our children and more often than not LE and other well meaning authoritative hands are tied or whatnot.  We have to think and do things outside the box until something works. And never give up.

Who would ever had thought that dangerous "Christian Cults" would thrive on college campus's.  I presented to the University Dean of Students, she called in a couple of non-student leaders for an interview ... she was sickened but the most she could do is WARN in-coming students in all the information the university distributed.  I went round and round with the university legal dept.  to do avail.

SORRY I'm rambling a bit but please get the point ... it's not just young children.

[Momfortwo]

I just don't know how many different ways this can be said.

One can train the child NOT to want to be on Myspace and it won't matter what anybody else wants to do.

Sure, IF one is the only one who has any influence with said child.   

[Davy]

Momoftwo,

What is you point.  Do you have anything at all to offer besides snide meaningless remarks.   

I did not have that much influence with my 12 year old grandson and once it was explained to him in a calm intelligent fashion he got off.  It works because I valued him and believed in him to do the right thing.   

Here's a summary of what you posted :

  1 ) The most you can do is contact myspace   
  2 )  There isn't anything you can do to enforce your rules at the mother's house, though.
  3 )  there is nothing you can do about without a court order. 
  4 )  don't think that a judge would look kindly upon one parent trying to force their rules          in the other parent's house.
  5 )  His house, his rules.  My house, my rules.

This is a situation where children could be seriously at RISKS  and you want to depend on the internet site to resolve the issue, OR argue about some old broken ego-seeking  philosophy about enforcing rules OR wrongly imply a court has more say with your child than a parent  OR being concerned what a judge thinks

Have you ever stop to consider the reason children are at risk is because some people want to argue and complain in order to promote their own self-serving ego rather than to focus on an issue to resolve a problem.   Nothing you have posted is relevant.  Sorry !

[Rave]

Have you ever stop to consider the reason children are at risk is because some people want to argue and complain in order to promote their own self-serving ego rather than to focus on an issue to resolve a problem.   Nothing you have posted is relevant.  Sorry !

Davy,

You have rambled and rambled throughout this thread.  It's been difficult to even GET to your bottom line through all the Disney home movie stories you have depicted.  Now, if merely training a child not to do bad things is the obvious answer to everything, than your own children obviously never would have struggled themselves I presume?  Despite the influences they had, if they only listened to your words of advice, everything should have turned out wonderfully.

What I see is another example of you pushing somebody's buttons because you have pre-determined their position, opinions and agendas.

Your flowerly words of advice have been difficult to muster through.  But now that your angst is showing up again, your true motivations are becoming clearer.

You think the stepmother and other second wives are here "to promote (their) own self-serving ego rather than to focus on an issue to resolve a problem".  Now, that explains why you keep placing the blame for the children's access to myspace on the parental ineffectiveness of the inept father, his controlling wife and continue to offer opposing views to all the bossy SW's who offered words of encouragement and advice (besides the obvious, just "train" those kids not to get on!!)

This thread has very little to do with the original poster and myspace anymore.  It has now become about YOU and your lectures to US.

To which I respond... "Nothing you have posted is relevant.  Sorry!"

[Momfortwo]

Momoftwo,

What is you point.  Do you have anything at all to offer besides snide meaningless remarks.   

I did not have that much influence with my 12 year old grandson and once it was explained to him in a calm intelligent fashion he got off.  It works because I valued him and believed in him to do the right thing.   

Here's a summary of what you posted :

1 ) The most you can do is contact myspace   
2 )  There isn't anything you can do to enforce your rules at the mother's house, though.
3 )  there is nothing you can do about without a court order.   
4 )  don't think that a judge would look kindly upon one parent trying to force their rules          in the other parent's house.
5 )  His house, his rules.  My house, my rules.

This is a situation where children could be seriously at RISKS  and you want to depend on the internet site to resolve the issue, OR argue about some old broken ego-seeking  philosophy about enforcing rules OR wrongly imply a court has more say with your child than a parent  OR being concerned what a judge thinks

Have you ever stop to consider the reason children are at risk is because some people want to argue and complain in order to promote their own self-serving ego rather than to focus on an issue to resolve a problem.   Nothing you have posted is relevant.  Sorry !

First, it's MomFORtwo.   

Second, irrelevant?  Hardly.  Just pointing out that there is NOTHING that can be done about the rules at the other parent's house.   

That is a FACT of life.  Do I think that the internet can be a dangerous place?  Yes, I do.   And I have taken steps at MY house to lower the risks, including explaining to my children WHY the internet is not a safe place.  I CAN'T do that at their father's place because it is their father's place.  He gets to set the rules at his place.  You aren't implying that I have the right to enforce my rules at his house, are you? 

It worked with your grandson because of your grandson's personality.  I know kids who that would not have worked on.   

The original poster here is concerned.  And with good cause, but it isn't going to go over well with a judge if they try to enforce their rules at the other parent's house.   

BTW, you could always work on your self-serving ego.  You don't have to go through life with one, you know.

[ocean]

The only thing I disagree on is that a judge would rule with father on this. If the judge saw a print out of the page that says child is 19 and not 9 PLUS articles of all the bad publicity of that site, this is not about the parents right to parent. It is the safety of the child. BUT is it worth is going over just this...probably not but has merit.

I still vote for having Myspace shut it down. This will show mom that myspace does not like the lying going on about her age. Then send mom a certified letter stating that they need to work together and that if she wants child to have a site for them to talk on, that is fine but it needs to be monitored in BOTH homes. I think it is almost worth the money to have a lawyer write it up so it looks more official and then she heard it from myspace and a lawyer.

Davy- You stated that you have not seen your kids for 2 years before they came back to you due to mom's interference. This shows how much one parent can have over their children even if they love the other parent. They could not stand up to their mother because they had to sleep there even though they knew how you felt. Kids should be taught internet safety by both parents but when one is just not using their head the other parent must step in for now until the kids come home and it can be straightened out a little more.