Started by jadig52, Oct 03, 2009, 10:38:53 AM
Quote from: gemini3 on Oct 09, 2009, 07:14:26 AMExactly - the place to fight is in court. The court will never order that the kids participate in sports - just as they wouldn't order you to dress your child a certain way or take them to church. But, if there is a reason, they may order that the father stay away from games when it's mom's parenting time. As it stands, dad has just as much right as mom to be in the games, and mom pulling them out is involving the children in the "power struggle". If she feels that there is a good reason for him not to be at the games, then she is the one that should go and ask the court to prohibit him from coming during her parenting time. Otherwise, he is doing nothing wrong by being there. She's the one with the problem - she's the one who should address it through the proper channels. The children are not the proper channel.
Quote from: mdegol on Oct 09, 2009, 10:00:49 AMAlso, he would have a hard time in court explaining that he is not "allowed" to be at their games. Judge would prob say, just show up. Like was said, mom would have to go to court to show a good reason that he shouldn't be there.
Quote from: Momfortwo on Oct 09, 2009, 04:09:51 AM[As stated before, the mother is wrong for doing what she is doing. That doesn't change the fact that the father is wrong for doing what he is doing. Yes, he does need to fight for his kids. In a way that doesn't deprive them of participating in their games. He's going about it in a way that is depriving the kids of that. The place to fight is in COURT. Because that is the only place that can order that the kids participate in sports, regardless of whose week-end it is. Right now, both parents are just turning it into a power struggle with the other. One that the kids are losing.
Quote from: mdegolAnd if you say, she may have a good reason for being uncomfortable (abusing, stalking ect) she states in her email "kids know that it is me, not you", so that indicates that it is a problem coming from her own end.
Quote from: gemini3 on Oct 10, 2009, 10:25:24 AMInterestingly, this exact scenario is covered in "Divorce Casualties" by Douglas Darnall, PhD. On page 175 - "Mom, Why Can't Dad Come to My Game?" "Children who are not alienated from either parent will want both parents to attend their social activities. They want to show off their talent at sporting events or recitals so they can revel in their parents applause. Only after the children have experienced alienation will they comment about not wanting both parents to attend. [HIGHLIGHT=#ffff00]A custodial parent who refuses the other parent to attend an event or "forgetting" to give the other parent advance notice of their children's activities is encouraging alienation, usually for their own self-interest."[/HIGHLIGHT] In his tips in this section he specifically says: "Custodial parents have more power than noncustodial parents because they have physical possession of the children and can say no. However, the noncutodial parent should not have to ask permission to attend one of their children's activities. Otherwise, the other parent has too much power, which can be abused." And that's all I have to say about that.
Quote from: Kitty C. on Oct 10, 2009, 01:11:25 PMI would not be surprised if he's tried to attend as unnoticed as possible, but she's probably searched until she's found him out.
QuoteYes, I recommend that he back off and if she doesn't like the situation but refuses to file in court for it, then he must. Because this situation will only get progressively worse. It is obviously having an effect on the children already. But I only recommend that he back off....for him to completely give it up, it gives the kids the message that he's given up on them.
Quote from: MomfortwoAs a victim of attempted PAS by my dad, I really didn't care WHO was to blame. I was just tired of the fighting done by BOTH parents and being put in the middle. It didn't matter who was at fault. All that mattered is that BOTH parents... put all of my siblings in the middle.