First visitation

[stressedoutmom]

We had another great visit last night.  Still stuck in the weirdness though.  I'm just afraid to bring up BF taking her alone because I don't want to jeopardize the good (but weird) thing we have going on.  The next visit I'm going to ask BF to say and help with getting her to bed then after she is in bed we can talk about him starting to have her for short periods of time alone.  Wish me luck!

[spitfire]

I wish you all the luck in the world.  If my parents could behave like you my life would be SO much less stressful.

[teacher98]

Any updates for us?  How have the visits been going?

[sillystring]

First off - Giggles, your post made me cry.

Second of all - Stressed out, thank you for making this post.

I actually came here today to make pretty much the exact same post that you did.  I have always wanted nothing more than for my dd to have a relationship with her father.  He completely resisted so I finally gave up and he has not seen her since she was 6 months (she is now 3 as well).

Now he is saying he wants to see her after the holidays are over, and I can only hope it will go as well as your visits have been going.  I think it's great that you already have a parenting plan set up which seems to be in the complete best interest of your daughter.

I look forward to reading more updates from you.

[stressedoutmom]

Okay here is the update.  I am so not happy right now.  I am hoping that you all can help.  So visits between my daughter and her father have been going well.  He has been over several times to visit her and we have gone to the movies, zoo and last week went to see Santa.  But has not expressed any interest in taking her on his own unti tonight.  Tonight he sends me a text message at 4:37 asking if he could take our daughter over to his mom's house for dinner.  I have been taking my daughter over to visit his mother for the last couple of years so other than the short notice I didn't have a problem with it.  I asked what time and he said 5 or 5:30.  I was still at work when I got his text so I told him we would be home by 5:30.  I rushed out of work went and picked up our daughter from daycare and was home by 5:30 when he came to pick her up.  My daughter and I had planned to decorate Christmas cookies but I was trying to be supportive of him spending time with her so that is why I agreed.  So went with him and at 8:30 he still didn't have her back so I texted to see when they would be home and they got home about 15 mintues later.  She came home with a present from his mom and this other little snow globe thing.  She kept saying she got this globe from the "eating barn".  I asked him what she was talking about and he said he didn't know.  After he left she kept talking about the "eating barn".  Being totally confused as to what she was talking about I texted and asked if they went out to dinner because she kept talking about the eating barn.  His response was that they did go out to eat but didn't elaborate any further.  So I kept talking with my daughter and finally got the story figured out.  They went to this local restaurant that is attached to the craft store when his girlfriend works and they had dinner with her.  His mom didn't even go to dinner with them.  So I am totally pissed off that he lied to me about going to his mom's for dinner when that is not what happened.  This was the first time he has been alone with him.  She needs to get used to that before you throw in the girlfriend factor.  And I think that he and I should discuss at what point we introduce our daughter to our significant others.   I really want to say something to him about this but I'm too angry at this point.  How are we going to co-parent if we can't even be honest with each other.  I am so mad that I'm awake typing this at 2am. 

[ocean]

I understand you are mad but if this went to court you have NO say on what happens on his parenting time. I know he has to do those supervised visits first but he did most of them. Of course he lied to you but he probably thought that you would say no to dinner if he told you what he planned. You can try talking to him about it but he really doesnt need to give you a list of his plans with her. This is all knew to both of you. Your daughter had fun and was happy. The only thing you might be able to do it get "no overnight guests" clause in your papers.

The next step now is do come up with a parenting plan. She did fine with the unsupervised visit and was gone a few hours. See if you can agree to a few full days... If he goes to court with it you wont be too happy because they will give him the every other weekend and midweek visit pretty fast. Breathe....Your daughter did okay. He will have" friends" and she may get a step mother out of this deal but the hardest part if being civil and gettting along. Ask him to be honest with you and you promise to be fair to him.

[stressedoutmom]

I am even more ticked off now because there were no plans to see his mom.  They stopped by after dinner and she had to wait in the car while he saw if his mom was home.  If he would have told me his plans I would not have said No, I would have said this is not the appropriate time.  She needs to be comfortable spending time alone with him before introducing the girlfriend.  And I really think that prior to introducing the two of them he and I should have talked about at what point we will introduced significant others to our daughter.  I find it totally unacceptable to introduce your daughter to your girlfriend on the first time you spend any time alone with her.  I know that I legally don't have say in what happens during his parenting time but you can guarantee that once I calm down he and I will have a conversation about this. 

Am I the only one who things it is totally inappropriate to introduce our daughter to his girlfriend on the first time she ever has time alone with him?? 

And just in case you are wondering.  I do know the girlfriend and I actually do like her.  I just think the timing was inappropriate.

[CuriousMom]

Ocean is correct.  If it goes to court he'll more than likely get awarded the schedule she mentioned almost immediately.  He probably thought you would say no.  If you know her and like her, try to make the best of it in light of what just happened. 

I'd work on a parenting plan.  You can still work on a step-up plan without supervised visits now since your daughter is doing well with it.  It's great to hear your daughter is adapting so well!

[stressedoutmom]

We have a parenting plan.  It says he can have her one day per week and every other weekend.  This is the first time he has expressed any interest in taking her alone so needless to say the one day per week and every other weekend has yet to begin.  It needs to start with the one day a week and work up from there.  I am just so mad that he lied to me about where he was taking our daughter.  The only reason I agreed to it in the first place is because it was supposed to be in a familiar place with familiar people.  Not to mention that I spent time on the way home preparing our daughter for the plan of him taking her to his mom's house for dinner.  Or it would have been different if he would have just said is it okay if I take her for a while tonight.  I'm confident that we won't end up back in court because he won't want to pay attorney fees.  Not to mention that if we end up back in court he knows I will bring up the fact that a year and a half later he has not followed through on things in our decree like adding her to his dental insurance, reimbursing me for child care expenses in a timely manner and reimbursing me for the total % that he is required to pay.  I've just let those things go and not made a big deal out of them but if he wants to go back to court we'll go.

[CuriousMom]

I totally understand, mine lies almost daily.  Lied himself right into court ordered therapy for it a few weeks ago - our judge wasn't impressed with his lies either