Old papers vs new papers, what's right?

[SuperDad52]

Ok, this is how it all worked out.  Ex and I went to court long drawn out process but now its over.  She got what she wanted and the judge allowed her to move from FL to N.Y.  However, she decided that she isn't going to move until after summer. The final hearing was in Jan., I received papers in the mail stating the new visitation schedule dated Feb 25th.  It also states
5. "Except as otherwise specifically set forth herein, all prior orders and judgments of the Court shall remain in full force and effect.
6."The Court reserves jurisdiction over the parties and subject matter of this proceeding for purposes of enforcement and modification.
    Then it is dated and stamped with GM's name.

The visitation schedule states that I get my son for spring break on odd number of years and she does for even number of years.  Also, my summer visitation is the first 4 weeks of the summer.  Our old order states that I don't have any spring break visitation and I have 2 weeks during the summer.

Now, with all that said.  Ex told me today that I'm not getting my son for spring break and I'm only getting him for 2 weeks during the summer because she said that we don't have to abide by the new order until she "MOVES" and if she never moves then we'll always go by the old order and my "Limited" visitation will remain in effect.  Does this sound right?

Thanks!!

[Kitty C.]

Nope!  Your ex is giving her own interpretation to fit what SHE wants.  When you have old orders and new orders, the only things that change are what is specifically stated in the new orders, and everything else stays the same.  And you're not the first parent to have an ex try to manipulate it.  Since the only things that were changed were spring break and length of time during summer, everything else does stay the same.  BUT if there is NO mention in the new order that this will only go into effect IF she moves, you are absolutely right.

The problem is, you can try to convince her that she has signed the agreement and since there is no mention that it only goes into effect if she moves, then it is an official order NOW.  If she refuses, then your only recourse would be to file contempt against her if she refuses to allow you to have spring break with your son.  You cannot file contempt until after an order has been ignored.

One thing you do have going for you, and that is the court is maintaining jurisdiction.  So if she does move and causes problems (or a modification is filed), she will have to come back to FL to answer to them.

[ocean]

New papers should be followed now BUTTT

is she allowing time during the week according to the old orders? If you are seeing child at all then you are using the old papers too right?

If she does not allow the spring break, then file contempt papers and make sure you re-address the summer visit when you go to court....

If she had a lawyer, call him up and tell him she is refusing to follow new orders.....sometimes that works.

Send her a certified letter:
Ex,
According to the new custody papers it states the changes to start on XX. I will be picking XX up for spring break visit on XX at XX according to the new papers. If you do not allow the visit, I will be forced to submit contempt of court papers against you. I will also be picking XX up for our summer visit starting XX and dropping him off at XX. Please let me know where you will be to make arrangements for drop off.
You

If you talk to her lawyer, you can add sentence in there too "please speak to your lawyer and he will explain to you that the new papers are court ordered now as I talk to him on XX date"

[Davy]

This is for your consideration.  Of course the current (or new) order is as specifically written and it is in no way your obligation to teach her to read or understand the order.  It is the court's responsibility to reprimand the opposer for non-compliance or otherwise creating a fraud  or manipulation on the child and the other parent as well as the court.

More importantly, the notation #6. concerning FL maintaining jurisdiction is already legislated by long-standing state (UCCJEA) and federal (PKPA) statues.  That is as long as a parent continues to reside in NY among many other requirements. 

In other words, considering the BM's behavior along with the court's endorsement/condoning in allowing a child's long distant relocation  places the child at risk of voiding a relationship with the left-behind parent.   

Should history repeat itself (over and over and over) then this FL action is not a done deal.  It is only the beginning of a long, ugly road.   

[SuperDad52]

Thanks for your replies!!
Davy, you are right this is going to be a long and ugly road.
The Bi&ch about it is I told her that I'd be willing to switch years w/her and she could have our son on for spring break on the odd numbered years and I'll get him on the even years because I do have to work a few of the days during spring break and I didn't want him to be board.  Also, she told him they (her N.Y husband and family) were going to Bush Gardens, Disney and the beach that week so my son informed me he'd rather be w/his mom.  So, it kind of sucks for me.  I want him to enjoy him self but she always does this to me!!  Always promising him big plans on my time then I have to be the a$$ dad and tell him no or forfeit my time because she don't give me make-up time.  I hate to say it because I love watching him grow up but she is making this absolutely miserable but I can't wait until he turns 18.

I guess we'll end up back in court because I will file contempt if she denies my visitation.  But, I'm sure like every time in the past the judge won't fault her for anything. Stupid FN system!!

[MixedBag]

Sounds like you also need a copy of Divorce Poison -- schedulin "fun" stuff on your time is not the right thing to do.  And the book talks about this.

If she's already starting this stuff now.....you need to nip it in the butt now and have all the available resources in your hands to do so.

old vs. new....

I'd say the "old" defines a "close distance" parenting schedule, and the new defines the long distance parenting schedule.

[Kitty C.]

One thing to keep in mind, SuperDad.........if she is planning all these 'over-the-top' events for him, sooner or later she won't be able to back it up.  Regardless, she will continue the up the ante and will come to a point where she can't put her money where her mouth is........because she doesn't have the money!  So another thing you need to be prepared for is for your son to be incredibly disappointed and/or PO'd at his mom for making promises that she can't keep.

[SuperDad52]

Yes Kitty, for the average woman this would be an accurate statement.  However, this particular woman won't go w/out money.  She don't work but she will date/be with/marry anyone with money and will pay her way/lifestyle.  At one point when my son was 7 (11 now) he said to me "dad, isn't it funny how only rich guys like my mom".  Need I say more.  I watched her date someone old enough to be her grandfather for over a year (we're both in our mid 30's).  I am very happy with my family, house and piece of land in the county but if I go w/out work for a few weeks things will get ugly financially and my ex know this and uses this as her "power" against me and my relationship w/my son.  Sometimes I tell him he has to come to my house and he will be mad at me for not letting him go do the "fun stuff" w/his mom but when he gets to the house he is perfectly fine.  Kinda weird really, but crazy enough through all of this for the last 10 years somehow my son and I have a Great relationship!!  And I thank the Good Lord for this many times a week when I lay down for bed.

[nancymd]

My DH's ex always scheduled a full agenda of fun things (parties, swimming, fishing, cookouts, etc) during our visitation. It would take us all year to save the money to go spend a few days with them and our old car typically broke down several times during the trip. They lived 4 states away which took about 15 hours driving one way and DH does not have paid vacations. We were lucky to be able to take them for a meal during 4 days of being there. BM kept telling us that she wanted us to be one big happy family but we didn't want to spend 4 days sitting in her living room being glared at by her DH while the kids were off with their friends. The kids barely spoke to us when they were there. He didn't want to be a mean dad and take them away from all these fun activities.

The kids are all emancipated now but the damage was done. I am on very friendly texting terms with the fiancee of the 25 year old. She wants to move here because there are more opportunities but they are living with Mommy and he won't leave. She's even tried to get him to visit us and he won't.

Although the CO says he gets regular visitation, we can't see them if we go and they have never been allowed to come to our home. They have even passed, numerous times, within a few miles of our home on the way to drop them off at a family member's house so BM and her DH could go on their annual month in the Bahamas but we couldn't have them at our house.

[SuperDad52]

Can someone help me decipher what the CO means.


It states:
2. The former wife's request to relocate is hereby granted.  Therefore, the parties are directed to comply with the following post-relocation schedule:
       a. The parties are to
            1.  Alternate two-night weekends
            2.  Alternate spring break with the father getting the odd number of years and the mother getting even.


And, here's what happened.  I picked up my son for my weekend visitation and didn't take him home on sunday which is the start of my spring break visitation.  She called many times and I told her what I was doing (but she already knew) and she cursed me up and down.  So, if someone can tell me does the above verbiage mean the new order starts when she moves to NY or does it start when it was signed and dated?

BECAUSE, BM is interpreting that CO don't start until she moves because it say "post-relocation schedule", is this true?

She acually called the police on me last night and they came out but didn't do anything, I showed him the CO and he said looks legit to him and now she is taking me back to court for more cs and this issue (she is going to try to get me arrested for kidnapping).  My attorney called to let me know but want's me to reload my retainer before we talk about this here case.


Thanks for  ur insight!!!!