More questions...

[rhelle]

H and his ex have been debating summer visitation since early February. Summer visitation is HIS choice, based upon the divorce decree. If he and she cannot agree on dates, then visitation defaults to the dates set forth in the Standard Possession Order. After numerous arguments, he finally stated he'd be going with the dates in the SPO, and has refused to budge. (Tired of arguing, when it was his choice to begin with).

She threatened contempt if he did not change his dates to suit her. She then stated the children had camp during his time of possession(which per the divorce decree, she is not supposed to schedule) and so, in the best interest of the children, he should release the children to her on the dates she requested. He has refused and has finally begun ignoring her, as he's asked repeatedly that she stop with the barrage of emails. She won't stop. Still sends them anyway.

Well, since she couldn't win by bullying, she went after his children, telling his children that he didn't care if they went to camp or not, and that he really didn't want them to go anyway.  Thus, he spent quite some time on the phone listening to his children cry, while mom and stepdad listened in, making snide comments. (Which they are also NOT supposed to do, per the divorce decree)

Now, we are stuck. What exactly do you do in this situation, where mom believes it's okay to hurt her children, so long as she feels like she's "won"?

[ocean]

If she makes kids call and they start in just have him say "this is for the adults to figure out, I am not going to talk about it with you, daddy loves you and I will see you XX." and hang up.

Send her a registered/certified letter (or maybe pay a lawyer for ONE letter with same info)
Ex,
According to the court papers dated XXX, it states that when we can not agree to summer dates it defaults to XYZ. Since we are not in agreement, I will be picking up the children on XX and dropping them off on XX. It also states you are not to sign them up for camps on my parenting time. If I get any more harassing emails or phone calls regarding this issue, I will be forced to get a restraining order against you. Also, the children should not be put in the middle of adults decisions. I will be taping all future phone calls and will not discuss this issue with the children.
You

Do you think she will let the kids go on the default dates?

[rhelle]

I think that she will cause as many problems as she possibly can. She has caused problems each and every time he's had the children. If it's not a barrage of text messages wanting to know his exact arrival time, it's refusing to pack the chilren appropriate clothing, or calling him crying about whatever new issue she has cooked up (as a general rule, they do not talk on the phone. 2 phone calls in the last year), or being at least a day late in picking the children up. She simply can't go by the rules. It doesn't matter. It's drama all the time.

[ocean]

He can change his cell number and let her have house number for emergencies and still let it go to voicemail and then email only. Ignore most of them, once she gets registered/certified letter in mail, ignore again or ONE time "sticking with the court order dates as in the letter, thanks" then ignore, ignore and more ignoring.

Hard when she puts kids in the middle. Depending on the ages, you can talk to them the next time you see them. Short conversation that mom and dad did not agree so a judge decided and we follow that paper. If they are a little older they can be shown that part of the decree. If they are with you for summer visit a few weeks, you can plan on town week long camps by you (half days to keep them busy and meet friends by you...).

[rhelle]

The kids are 13, 10, 9, and 7.

We won't see them again until June, which I believe is the biggest issue. As it stands, the last time we saw them was November, so he's going 6 months plus without seeing his kids...and she's throwing a fit over a few days.

Of course, the kids could GO to camp, if she'd just be reasonable. We'd gladly back the schedule up a week so the kids could go, but she won't do that. She simply wants to limit his time.

The oldest daughter has stated she does not WANT to go to camp here, so with regard to that, we're stuck. I think it would be great for her, actually, because she could establish frienships here, but it doesn't appear to be going that way.

[rhelle]

I believe she went after the kids, because she has not received a response to her emails and threats.  It seems she can only go about 2 weeks without finding something to pester him about. If she doesn't get a reaction, then she finds something else. It feels a little like he's being held hostage, "Do what I want or I'll destroy the children." I really worry she will simply escalate if he continues to ignore her.

[ocean]

I am guessing this is long distance so you see them a few times a year? Was November the last time you were supposed to see them?

She wants an argument or try to make him miserable and disrupt your house.
If she does not allow them to come, have the paperwork for contempt of court papers filled out. Call police, have proof that you tried to pick them up. Then you ask for missed time, lawyer fees if she does it again, and court sanctions.

If you have in writing now, you can try to get into court now, and have them clarify order since mother has written that she will not allow children to come according to the court order dated XX.

The contempt is better to do, because then his ex has to tell the court why she would did not follow a court order.

Does 13 year old have facebook, myspace? phone?
He can just say he loves them all and can not wait to see them, that he is not going to put them in the middle. If she starts, then just text/IM "dad loves you see you xxx" then ignore.

If you wind up in court at any point you can add a sentence that mother and step father will not put children in the middle of parenting issues and children will be free to talk to either parent without interference.

[rhelle]

The children have one mobile phone, provided by him. It is not always charged, so he cannot always talk to them on the phone. Mom simply states that as she is not allowed access to the phone bill, she doesn't know what goes on with the phone, sorry.

Although, they are supposed to have electronic access to him, per the divorce decree, she does not allow them to be on the computer.  His only means of contact is the cell phone he provides for them.

Yes, it is long distance.  She remarried two weeks after the divorce was final, and moved the children to Utah with her new hubby...who is unemployed, now on his 4th marriage, and has 3 children from previous marriages.

We were SUPPOSED to see them at Spring Break (April). We had plans and a schedule in early February for Spring Break. In early March, ex sent an email saying "Sorry. Youngest D has a play that week." She, ONCE AGAIN, schedule extracurricular activities during his possession time. We could not afford to go their home state and stay for a week or even a day, so we didn't see them.  One week before Spring Break, youngest daughter tells him that her play has been cancelled for Spring Break....but he couldn't get vacation time that quickly so...

The play apparently was this past weekend, but no one informed H, so we weren't able to send flowers or pay to have it videotaped by a local photographer.

[Simplydad]

We were SUPPOSED to see them at Spring Break (April). We had plans and a schedule in early February for Spring Break. In early March, ex sent an email saying "Sorry. Youngest D has a play that week." She, ONCE AGAIN, schedule extracurricular activities during his possession time. We could not afford to go their home state and stay for a week or even a day, so we didn't see them.  One week before Spring Break, youngest daughter tells him that her play has been cancelled for Spring Break....but he couldn't get vacation time that quickly so...

The play apparently was this past weekend, but no one informed H, so we weren't able to send flowers or pay to have it videotaped by a local photographer.

If the custody agreement states that your husband is to have posession then there is nothing the ex spouse can do.  The decree states he will have poession and that is what is to happen. Anything else is contempt of court.  If his ex does not comply then you just file a motion and she will have to answer the motion.  There is no transfer of jurisdiction so if the divorce was finalized where you are then she will have to come and answer. Failure to show up can cost her quite a bit including custody if it becomes a repeated problem.  Courts do not like visitation messed with at all.

What your husband needs to do is let her know that he will be excercising his visitation and if she scheduled anything without his permission she will need to reschedule that activity.  If it cost her any money for that activity then it is her problem.  The bottom line is this.  He is entitled to his visitation and the court order states when that is. If his ex wants a change to that she needs to either get a court order granting the change or she needs your husbands permission.

[ocean]

Ok...
No way...LOL
She can not tell you they are busy, not allowed.
You can file NOW for not allowing spring break AND emails stating she is about to deny summer visit. Ask for an extra week at summer since she refused spring break.
Most places have the papers online and it is free (or small charge). It is called contempt of court-denied visitation (spring break) and then add a few sentences to say mom refused and sign kids up for activities, she is not doing the same thing for summer visitation. Father requests an extra week added to summer parenting time for make-up time.

Fill it out, send it in. They will give you a package a few weeks later with court date. You will have to have her served the papers. You can have a company do it or some states use the sheriffs office to do it.

Are you supposed to go get them? Meet half way? fly?