Question about Mediator's Position?

[daisygirl0825]

Hello All,

I have searched the forums looking for an answer and have not found an answer.  My ex husband wanted to do mediation with his attorney as mediatior.  I agreed to talk and have not signed anything.  His attorney asked that I pay for six plane tickets a year and six he will pay for.  This means that the child will be flying twice a month on the months that he is home.  I agree with that because it is easier on the child than driving six hours there and six hours back on those weekends. 

My problem is that he and his attorney want me to pay for 12 tickets a year so that she can have visitation with his wife and mother on the weekends that he is not home.  I do not feel responsible for that, and I could be wrong.  His attorney told me that the courts have determined visitation is for the family and not just for him when he is home.  I agreed that they could see her on those weekends at their expense but that is as far as I wanted to go.  I have not heard anything from him or his attorney since that meeting which was three weeks ago. 

Is it likely that a judge would rule in favor of visitation for his wife and mother at my expense?  I hate to fight for something that would ultimately be ruled in his favor.

Thank You

[ocean]

Be  very careful here. The lawyer is NOT a mediator. The lawyer is working for you EX only. The lawyer is allowed to draw up papers and have you there if you do not have a lawyer to try to smooth things out BUT it is not like going to a regular mediator who listens on both sides. This lawyer can NOT go into court and say he mediated either. He only represents your ex.

Since you are long distance, usually judges will not order the twice a month. Even the plane ride is a lot twice a month. If you all agree, the judge will probably sign it BUT I think your offer is VERY fair and you are splitting the cost. Since father is at work, you are the other parent and will have her. You did offer for her to be able to go but at their expense. The 12 times is a little much in my opinion.  Look up your state and see what long distance plan is usually given (most states have school breaks, split long holidays every other year, and a longer summer break). Also, what happens when his weekend is a holiday? That will come up quite often throughout the year...

Keep checking the courts to make sure they did not put in papers. You should be served with papers but always check when you are in the middle of things. Most have an online service you can sign into to see your account.

[MixedBag]

what ocean said about mediation is right.  THIS is not mediation.

as for the travel and stuff and seeing the them and dad isnt there i think that  can go either way so i think you are not way off base with  your line of thought.  parenting time is for dad and what he decides to do during that time is really up to him.  like i had to take my time and share it with my parents who dont  live near mw.   maybe an incremental approach is good?  like when the child gets to bee older?

[daisygirl0825]

Thank you much for the responses.  In Texas, there is a clause in the standard order, which we have now, that the NCP can choose to see child EOW even if they live over 100 miles away.  Right now he lives approx 400 miles away.  He says the time is his to see her and I need to make things easier by helping to split the costs. 

Thank you for the information about the attorney not being able to be an independent mediator.  Her representation was that she could be the mediator and take care of the paperwork.  In some ways I felt railroaded as this came up during a child support hearing and I was not prepared to talk about visitation changes.  I do feel comfortable that i have not signed anything.  Before signing anything I will have an attorney go over everything.

Thank you Again.

[ocean]

Also, who moved?
Usually the parent that moves pays all or most because they knew the cost of moving so far away from their children and chose to move.

[daisygirl0825]

It was him who moved the 400 miles away.  I did recently move 20 miles further away from the location from where the order was set.  I lived in the country and decided to move into the city.  He did not contest me moving the twenty miles at the time.  Currently I drive 115 miles to meet him for drop off and pick up.  This has been in effect for 7 years.  Child will be 11 next month.  She has flown a couple times at split expense on both sides.  This stopped because he would not allow her to contact me upon arrival as per our original agreement. 

I have read several posts and participated in the forum in the past.  I learned one thing, there should not be a NCP side and a CP side, it should be the child's side.  I used to believe it was about my rights but it is not.  The child needs both parents and the only way he will see her is if she flies and if I pay for half of that.  She needs her dad and as twisted as I think he is, if I can help her have that relationship then I need to. 

I am not as understanding about the Step-Mom needing visitation.  If she wants to have her on the weekends that Dad is not home, then I will meet her 100 miles closer to her home.  I thought that was fair.  If his mother wants to see her, I offered to drive her to her house as we live 40 miles apart.  They want me to pay for the flight and I cannot get my head around that.

Thank You

[Simplydad]

It was him who moved the 400 miles away.  I did recently move 20 miles further away from the location from where the order was set.  I lived in the country and decided to move into the city.  He did not contest me moving the twenty miles at the time.  Currently I drive 115 miles to meet him for drop off and pick up.  This has been in effect for 7 years.  Child will be 11 next month.  She has flown a couple times at split expense on both sides.  This stopped because he would not allow her to contact me upon arrival as per our original agreement. 

The standard order in Texas for parents that live more than one hundred miles apart clearly state that he will has to pick the child up at your place of residence and return the child to your residence.

He can't make you do anything and should be thankful that you help at all to help him with travel costs.  Your helping in that department is good thing.  Your ex is probably asking you to do more than you actually have to. Hopefully a gentle reminder that you are actually doing more than you have to should end it but that depends if the other side wants to be irrational or not.

I have read several posts and participated in the forum in the past.  I learned one thing, there should not be a NCP side and a CP side, it should be the child's side.  I used to believe it was about my rights but it is not.  The child needs both parents and the only way he will see her is if she flies and if I pay for half of that.  She needs her dad and as twisted as I think he is, if I can help her have that relationship then I need to. 

I agree with you on this part.  It really isn't about the parents inability to get along if that is the case. It should be about the child spending as much time with each parent as possible.  If you want to help with expenses on that then I applaud you for that because you are putting the child first.

I am not as understanding about the Step-Mom needing visitation.  If she wants to have her on the weekends that Dad is not home, then I will meet her 100 miles closer to her home.  I thought that was fair.  If his mother wants to see her, I offered to drive her to her house as we live 40 miles apart.  They want me to pay for the flight and I cannot get my head around that.

Thank You

I personally think you are being more than fair.  Asking you to pay for the ticket is over the top and what your ex should have done was ask to switch visitation time for something where he would be there.

[MixedBag]

Simplydad....you said "The standard order in Texas for parents that live more than one hundred miles apart clearly state that he will has to pick the child up at your place of residence and return the child to your residence"- can you provide the link or hardcopy reference to her for her reference?  I'm not dealing with TX's so I wouldn't know.

[Simplydad]

Here is a link to the Texas Family Code section 153 which covers visitation

http://www.statutes.legis.state.tx.us/Docs/FA/htm/FA.153.htm (http://www.statutes.legis.state.tx.us/Docs/FA/htm/FA.153.htm)

Visitation starts at section 153.3101

153.316 has the general terms and this is the part where it mentions picking up and dropping off the child.  These rules apply to both orders of visitation....less than 100 miles and more than 100 miles away.

(1)  the managing conservator shall surrender the child to the possessory conservator at the beginning of each period of the possessory conservator's possession at the residence of the managing conservator;

(2)  if the possessory conservator elects to begin a period of possession at the time the child's school is regularly dismissed, the managing conservator shall surrender the child to the possessory conservator at the beginning of each period of possession at the school in which the child is enrolled;
(3)  the possessory conservator shall be ordered to do one of the following:
(A)  the possessory conservator shall surrender the child to the managing conservator at the end of each period of possession at the residence of the possessory conservator;  or

(B)  the possessory conservator shall return the child to the residence of the managing conservator at the end of each period of possession, except that the order shall provide that the possessory conservator shall surrender the child to the managing conservator at the end of each period of possession at the residence of the possessory conservator

[MixedBag]

Daisy, print, file, and quote.