what are step parents called?

[twistedtmama]

I never made my son call my husband dad so stop assuming things that you don't know anything about, my husband is the one who does father son activities with him, and goes to school functions and everything, have I given bio dad the option to attend these things? absolutely. Does he show up? nope, he would rather be out partying and with his friends thats his top priority, my son doesn't deserve a father who puts him as his last priority, why should my son lose out on having a father?

When my son looks up at my dh and says good night daddy, my husband isn't going to turn around and say don't call me that, sorry that can be harmful to the child.

[Kitty C.]

'What part of he has money to take his son places, he chooses to spend it on themselves, sorry but I get bad mouthed for my son calling his sp daddy. But yet nobody is pointing out how selfish he is by not putting his child first, like I said he makes PLENTY of money but chooses to go out clubbing with it, maybe the loser should put some money aside for his visitation. You know I can only do so much as parent, I cannot afford to give him money to take out his son, maybe he should take him to the park or something, or maybe go to his sisters house with my son, since she does live about 10-15 minutes from my house.

Even if I could drive I would not help out with transportation like I said he CHOSE to move away, even if I didn't have a license and I was the one who moved I would find a way to go bring my son to bio dad for his visits. A lawyer that I have talked to said the parent that decides to relocate is responsible for the transportation. So I am not obligated to drive him, bio dad expects ALOT. If I was the ncp who relocated I would NOT expect bio dad to cater to me and transport my child. At some point ladies whether you like to realize it or not, you need to hold these men accountable and let them take responsibility, its nobody's job to do the ncp's job as a parent. Bio dad tried taking me to court asking the judge to have him have visitation in my home, the judge told him no and that its NOT my responsibility and that if he wants to take him that it is his visitation so he must find something to do with him during that time. Sorry But you know what I think I am going to respect the judge and listen to what he ordered.

Actually I am not PAS'SING my son, maybe if bio dad didn't chose to be absent most of the time, my son would recognize his father as his dad, if he actually showed up and bonded with him. I don't see how its a slap in the face, maybe being a crappy parent is acceptable to you people but its not to me, bio dad is slapping himself in the face, nobody is preventing him from having a relationship with his son, nobody is holding his son away from him. Nobody is going to cater to bio dad, bio dad isn't going to come into my home and dictate that my husband cannot be in his own home, sorry but that just doesn't fly with me, my husband pays for the house, pays the bills, he can be home whenever he wants.

And I don't care what you expect me to do, honestly I don't care what people on the internets opinion is of me, sorry thats not the worry of my day worrying about what internet people think of me, lol I have better things to do in life.

Bio dad is selfish, doesn't care about his son, has done CRAP for his son but yet he should be called dad nope not happening, my son can call whoever he wants dad. Obviously he calls my husband dad becaus my husband has filled the dad role, and has been a dad, when bio dad hasn't been a dad. I left bio dad he didn't leave me, I left him because he didn't want the responsibility of being a dad, he was immature and wasn't ready to be a parent.'

'I never made my son call my husband dad so stop assuming things that you don't know anything about, my husband is the one who does father son activities with him, and goes to school functions and everything, have I given bio dad the option to attend these things? absolutely. Does he show up? nope, he would rather be out partying and with his friends thats his top priority, my son doesn't deserve a father who puts him as his last priority, why should my son lose out on having a father?

When my son looks up at my dh and says good night daddy, my husband isn't going to turn around and say don't call me that, sorry that can be harmful to the child.'


This website and forum are for establishing and maintaining the relationships that children have with their separated parents.  Throughout this entire thread, you have denegrated the father-child relationship and seem to want to shout anyone down who disagrees with you.  All the BS that you 'claim' are the faults of the father are just a smokescreen to hide the deep hatred you have for him.  Do you realize that any negative message about the father, either outright or covert, that you are sending to your child is basically telling him that half of him is damaged?  Wonderful message you are sending your child.....

Just remember this....you might want to point some of that anger back at yourself, since YOU were the one who chose to have a child with this guy.  Back in the day, they say a dime between the knees was a good cure for that, but I guess that tidbit is too little, too late.....

There are many links to enormous amounts of information on this website and you can find ample amounts dealing with PAS.  If you took the time to read any of it (which I seriously doubt you will), you would find that you are showing MANY of the characteristics of perpetrating the syndrome.  Congratulations.......

So, let me ask this:   WHY ARE YOU HERE???  When your son learned to talk, he heard others calling your DH 'Dad' and YOU AND YOUR DH failed to correct him from Day 1...that's called lying by omission.  And yes, you CAN reteach your child regarding who's Dad and who isn't and take into consideration the child's feelings at the same time...it's called maturity, compassion, and tact....try it some time.

You are so hung up on your hatred of the father that you will use any excuse you can come up with to justify fueling the fire of your anger.  Well, here's a new message:

TAKE IT SOME PLACE ELSE!

All you are trying to attempt here is to shout anyone down who disagrees with you....and that would be ALL OF US.  Take your campaign of denegration to some custodial mother's website....I'm sure they would all agree with you and give you the balm you apparently need to prove your point.

Then come back here in about 20 years and let us know just how screwed up your child is, how much therapy you've had to obtain for him (if you even bother), and how warped his sense of family and what a father and mother turns out to be.  We'll be all ears..........

[tigger]

I thought this topic was closed . . . someone's thriving on the controversy.

[twistedtmama]

Actually I don't hate him, as a person, do I think he is a good father, hell no, my son is not screwed up, the only thing that could potentially screw him up is when he gets older he is going to wonder why he wasn't important enough to his father, and why his father didn't come see him. His father can explain how clubbing and partying was more important, the father is the one that needs a good therapy session I think he would benefit from it.

Honestly if the roles were reversed and I was being a crappy mother, I think you guys would be jumping down my throat saying I was a bad mother, honestly you guys are the one's with the problem, don't TELL me what my son is going to need, or how he is going to turn out, I love how you think what you say is right well honestly pull your heads out of your butts you don't know my son you don't know how he acts, like I said just because you have an opinion doesn't mean its right. Everyone has their own opinion its what makes the world go round.


Honestly you all are self centered and think your right, lol well lets face it stop giveing yourselves a huge ego boosts, you guys are not right, every child and situation is different.

'What part of he has money to take his son places, he chooses to spend it on themselves, sorry but I get bad mouthed for my son calling his sp daddy. But yet nobody is pointing out how selfish he is by not putting his child first, like I said he makes PLENTY of money but chooses to go out clubbing with it, maybe the loser should put some money aside for his visitation. You know I can only do so much as parent, I cannot afford to give him money to take out his son, maybe he should take him to the park or something, or maybe go to his sisters house with my son, since she does live about 10-15 minutes from my house.

Even if I could drive I would not help out with transportation like I said he CHOSE to move away, even if I didn't have a license and I was the one who moved I would find a way to go bring my son to bio dad for his visits. A lawyer that I have talked to said the parent that decides to relocate is responsible for the transportation. So I am not obligated to drive him, bio dad expects ALOT. If I was the ncp who relocated I would NOT expect bio dad to cater to me and transport my child. At some point ladies whether you like to realize it or not, you need to hold these men accountable and let them take responsibility, its nobody's job to do the ncp's job as a parent. Bio dad tried taking me to court asking the judge to have him have visitation in my home, the judge told him no and that its NOT my responsibility and that if he wants to take him that it is his visitation so he must find something to do with him during that time. Sorry But you know what I think I am going to respect the judge and listen to what he ordered.

Actually I am not PAS'SING my son, maybe if bio dad didn't chose to be absent most of the time, my son would recognize his father as his dad, if he actually showed up and bonded with him. I don't see how its a slap in the face, maybe being a crappy parent is acceptable to you people but its not to me, bio dad is slapping himself in the face, nobody is preventing him from having a relationship with his son, nobody is holding his son away from him. Nobody is going to cater to bio dad, bio dad isn't going to come into my home and dictate that my husband cannot be in his own home, sorry but that just doesn't fly with me, my husband pays for the house, pays the bills, he can be home whenever he wants.

And I don't care what you expect me to do, honestly I don't care what people on the internets opinion is of me, sorry thats not the worry of my day worrying about what internet people think of me, lol I have better things to do in life.

Bio dad is selfish, doesn't care about his son, has done CRAP for his son but yet he should be called dad nope not happening, my son can call whoever he wants dad. Obviously he calls my husband dad becaus my husband has filled the dad role, and has been a dad, when bio dad hasn't been a dad. I left bio dad he didn't leave me, I left him because he didn't want the responsibility of being a dad, he was immature and wasn't ready to be a parent.'

'I never made my son call my husband dad so stop assuming things that you don't know anything about, my husband is the one who does father son activities with him, and goes to school functions and everything, have I given bio dad the option to attend these things? absolutely. Does he show up? nope, he would rather be out partying and with his friends thats his top priority, my son doesn't deserve a father who puts him as his last priority, why should my son lose out on having a father?

When my son looks up at my dh and says good night daddy, my husband isn't going to turn around and say don't call me that, sorry that can be harmful to the child.'


This website and forum are for establishing and maintaining the relationships that children have with their separated parents.  Throughout this entire thread, you have denegrated the father-child relationship and seem to want to shout anyone down who disagrees with you.  All the BS that you 'claim' are the faults of the father are just a smokescreen to hide the deep hatred you have for him.  Do you realize that any negative message about the father, either outright or covert, that you are sending to your child is basically telling him that half of him is damaged?  Wonderful message you are sending your child.....

Just remember this....you might want to point some of that anger back at yourself, since YOU were the one who chose to have a child with this guy.  Back in the day, they say a dime between the knees was a good cure for that, but I guess that tidbit is too little, too late.....

There are many links to enormous amounts of information on this website and you can find ample amounts dealing with PAS.  If you took the time to read any of it (which I seriously doubt you will), you would find that you are showing MANY of the characteristics of perpetrating the syndrome.  Congratulations.......

So, let me ask this:   WHY ARE YOU HERE???  When your son learned to talk, he heard others calling your DH 'Dad' and YOU AND YOUR DH failed to correct him from Day 1...that's called lying by omission.  And yes, you CAN reteach your child regarding who's Dad and who isn't and take into consideration the child's feelings at the same time...it's called maturity, compassion, and tact....try it some time.

You are so hung up on your hatred of the father that you will use any excuse you can come up with to justify fueling the fire of your anger.  Well, here's a new message:

TAKE IT SOME PLACE ELSE!

All you are trying to attempt here is to shout anyone down who disagrees with you....and that would be ALL OF US.  Take your campaign of denegration to some custodial mother's website....I'm sure they would all agree with you and give you the balm you apparently need to prove your point.

Then come back here in about 20 years and let us know just how screwed up your child is, how much therapy you've had to obtain for him (if you even bother), and how warped his sense of family and what a father and mother turns out to be.  We'll be all ears..........

[MixedBag]

Ya know....he's still DAD.

And the fact that your 4 almost 5 year old calls him by his first name is because that's what he hears you call his dad in your home.

At that age they "parrot" what you say, it's not out of love, it's not because they want to gain your love, it's because of what they hear.

this thread was about what to call step-parents and morphed into the fact that you allow your son, who is also DAD's son, to call him by a first name.

GET Divorce Poison.

If there was a way to send a copy to you, I would.

[twistedtmama]

The point I am trying to make, he doesn't deserve the title of dad, he doesn't even care about his son, if he cannot even return his sons calls, when my son calls him, is that really a father that cares about their child?

[tigger]

Ya know....he's still DAD.

And the fact that your 4 almost 5 year old calls him by his first name is because that's what he hears you call his dad in your home.

At that age they "parrot" what you say, it's not out of love, it's not because they want to gain your love, it's because of what they hear.

It also implies that she's referring to stepdad as "daddy", otherwise the child would call the stepdad by his first name.

Some parents use the excuse of other children in the house as the reason for the kids needing to call the stepparent by a parental title.  That's hogwash.  My little brother and sister had no problems knowing that SM was "mommy" while my brother and I continued to call her by her first name.  And we grew up in the same house so it wasn't like we were there just on the weekends.  We were there daily.

[ocean]

Unfortunately when any child is born they automatically have a mom and dad. There is no test, pre-requisite in order to be called mom or dad.

Your husband is filling in where dad is not stepping up to the plate. My father and brother did that for my girls -went to father daughter dance at school, stuff like that but they did not start calling them "dad".

Some of us have children calling their step-dad, dad BUT they always have their bio dad as "dad" too. The issue in your case is the child did not make that decision as an infant, you did. A toddler did not come up with dad on his own especially when he has not heard the word dad before. How you dealt with him calling his father his first name as a toddler was YOUR choice and he should of been told he was his father/dad when he showed up or in pictures.
Since your son was a baby when this all happened, he did not know anything else or what a "dad" was.

Dad sounds like he has issues and making poor choices but he is dad. He has some road blocks (distance from you, money, ...) and the best thing for your son is for all the adults in his life to work it out. He is still young. You have a LONG way to go.

[Kitty C.]

You still haven't figured it out, have you?  It is NOT up to you to decide whether he is deserving of the title.  YOU are not the one with sole control over the situation. YOU don't get to make all the decisions regarding your son.  Since you've gone through the courts regarding custody, it is now a team effort between the courts, you, and the father.

Just as I thought...it's nothing but a control issue with you...just like you won't back away from this thread until you get in the last word regardless of what anyone says..........

[tigger]

The point I am trying to make, he doesn't deserve the title of dad, he doesn't even care about his son, if he cannot even return his sons calls, when my son calls him, is that really a father that cares about their child?

My dad doesn't always return my phone calls but I know without a doubt that he cares and if I were in trouble, he'd drop everything for me.  Your ex is navigating a difficult situation.  Which brings up another point.  He's YOUR ex, not your son's. 

I call both my birth mother and stepmother by their first names.  My BM left when I was 3 and completely disappeared (with the exception of the ocasion running into her at my grandparents at Christmas) when I was 8.  My last clear memory of visiting with her was when I sustained a head injury when she had me out of town (dropped me off at her parents' and then came back to return me to my dad's after I had gotten hurt).  She refused to take me to the ER because I wasn't her financial responsibility and instead she and her husband drove me 1.5 hours back to my dad's.  My dad took me to the ER for treatment (stitches).  Even after all of that, it wasn't until I was an adult and had dinner with her when I was 18 that I opted to call her by her first name.  She regrets her decisions.  I've given her a second chance (actually, more like fourth because she kept dropping out of sight when it would be become clear that I wasn't going to be the long lost daughter she had hoped for.  She finally accepted that while I don't hate her, we don't have that impenetrable mother-daughter bond that most have and I'm closer with my aunts (her sister, my dad's sisters and my SM sister) than I am with her.  She has tried her best to get me to call her by a pet name that my youngest cousin gave her years ago but even that's too intimate for our connection.  Even in that situation where there was clear abandonment my dad NEVER even suggested that I should call her by her first name or call my SM "mom". 

At that young of an age, your child isn't making a decision, he's following someone's lead.