Sperm donor cancelling visits?

[fight4him]

I spent so much time hating my stepson's BM. I can tell you that it's wasteful. My SS is 3 now. I have been there since she found out she was pregnant. Lucky me!  
She never wanted me to be involved in his life. She even threatened to get restraining orders on me for being the one holding the baby in the car while we were waiting for her to come get him. Another one when I had a picture of me and him on my page. I prayed for this woman to drop off the face of the earth. But things have gotten better. I stopped putting so much energy into hating her and put it in to making our relationship work. I am the one who drops off and picks up, due to our work situation. Her and I have started to "chat" a bit at those times and are becoming somewhat friendly. Sometimes it gags me but I push through it. Because I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that this is a long term relationship. We are going to be dealing with her forever. Not just 15 years, it will go past that.
I said that, to say this....it is really in YOUR best interest, and this child's, to try to stop hating him so badly. So he's not perfect, none of us are. You are never going to be able to make him be the father you want him to be. She is young, maybe he doesn't quite know what to do with her. Maybe he is overwhelmed. When SS was a baby, dad didn't do a lot with him. I did. He didn't know what to do with a pooping, crying baby who couldn't tell him what he needed. He is getting better now that he is talking and potty trained.
You and your gf have the power to change this. You can let it consume as much of your life as possible. And right now it seems to be consuming a lot of time. I really hope you are not speaking ill of the father in front of the child. She is young and doesn't understand but boy, will she pick up on the words you say and the image you give of him. Regardless of how he is, he is still her father. Even in the best situation she is going to dream that it is different. She is going to wish and hope that he changes. My son is 21 and STILL does it. And all she is going to remember is how you and mom bad mouthed him. He is probably not going to become this evil person to her, at least not for many years.

Please stop putting so much time into him and focus on your family. I'm telling you...it does work. It changes things to stop thinking about what a horrible person the other parent is. At the very least, it will make for a happier environment in YOUR home. And that is all you can control.

[OZone...]

I read this post and it really hits home with me as I am on the flip side of Kjerome12's anger. You see, my ex just recently got remarried. This man has made mine and my daughters life a living hell. I see my daughter every other weekend, and a few hours on Tuesday and have never missed a visitation except for the ones they are denying me. This man insults my Fatherhood, is abusive and hateful to me, is obsessed with taking over the role of Father and removing me from my daughters life. He even has my daughter calling him "Dad". Both of them co-conspired to file and testify to a false domestic violence complaint, and had me arrested for violation of a protective order for good measure. I'm sure he wouldn't hesitate to call me a sperm donor either.

Kjerome12's comment that "I own my own business. his $100 a month is taking care of the childs cat!" is eerily similar to what my ex's husband said to me, only my involvement is considerably more. I've come to realize that it's not the amount that bothers him, its the fact that I send anything that bothers him. He wishes no involvement from me towards my daughter which is exactly what I am witnessing here from Kjerome12. It's belittleing the Fathers contributions to his daughter in effort to increase his own to the point of obsession to become the child Father. I would even bet that Kjerome12 has her calling him "Dad" as well.

So, I have to reiterate what others have said in this thread that you Kjerome12 are not the Father to this child. You need to allow the Father to be a Father to his daughter in his own way. His $100 per month is his contribution to raising his child, and should command your respect as opposed to your ridicule. I'm sure the Father will become more involved when he is ready, and when he is ready he shouldn't have to deal with your resentment and anger which he probably is already exposed to. Perhaps this contributes to his reduced visitations?

[brwneyedmom]

Bravo, Ozone. I'm sorry that you must deal with this. Their behavior is going to be upsetting to your child.

[tigger]

His $100 per month is his contribution to raising his child, and should command your respect as opposed to your ridicule.

And just to clarify a technicality, that $100 is his contribution TO the BM's household for raising his daughter.  NOT his ONLY contribution. financially or otherwise.

[OZone...]

In the current world we live in all syndromes are reduced to acronyms. I think that there should be a new syndrome identified and researched pertinent to his type of  behavior. I'm thinking of calling it Aggressive Stepparent Syndrome, or ASS for short.

And tigger you are absolutely correct, thank you for that clarification.

[Kitty C.]

LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!  We just may have to add that to the SPARC Acronym list.......Waylon???

[ladiva23]

I want to comment based on the degrading term "Sperm Donor".

In August 2009 Bio-mom posted "These kids need to go with their sperm donor like ASAP."

As a Bio-father and Step-mom team who are actively involved with the children, Bio-mom just plain doesn't like me, and can't stand the fact that my DH is STILL in their children's lives, when after all accounts of things she has done - its a wonder where we get the strength to still fight.

I am also the child of a father who was never around, and a stepfather who was, but had poop for brains about being a father.  I wish that my father had been given the OPPORTUNITY to do more, or be around more - because my mother and new step-father thought it was best if I had a "ready made family".  Regardless of what the truth is in your situation, your step-daughter will always have a biological father.  Your job, as a step-father is to be an additional parental figure and someone your SD can look up to.  Parents, bios or steps, who care about the well being of their children, and put aside their egos, will bend over backwards to make sure that the child comes first.  She doesn't know what's going on at three years of age, and won't be able to make any rationalizations about how this is affecting her until she is at least a preteen.  (ex. When I was 9 years old, my father called me for the first time in four years, - I was mad and said I didn't want to speak to him, because I knew it would hurt my mother and step-father's FEELINGS, I was the one who went in my room and cried, because I was confused.  I missed my dad so much, and really wanted to talk to him.

Regardless of how you feel, because feelings are just that - you, bio-dad, your girlfriend and THEIR child, have to co-exist.  You will just really have to get over it if you plan on being around for the long haul.