BM wants me (SM) to adopt SS's. Please Help ASAP

[AtOurWitsEnd]

No, the BM has no one else to adopt the daughter.

In part, the courts agreed b/c they know the same thing I do, this is being done under duress and therefore can be revoked.

[mistoffolees]

>No, the BM has no one else to adopt the daughter.

Then the courts should not allow you to relinquish your rights.

>
>In part, the courts agreed b/c they know the same thing I do,
>this is being done under duress and therefore can be revoked.

Something smells fishy.

Few courts will knowingly endorse an agreement that they know is unenforceable and not in a child's best interest. At worst, it creates a nightmare. At best, they could invalidate the part about the daughter going to BM, but that would open up the entire agreement and BM could argue that you can't have the boys. It all becomes a big, expensive mess. I'm surprised that the court would allow that.

You really need to have an attorney involved.

[escape2paradise]

I agree with Mist!  Something isn't right and I would definitely get an attorney now.  The fact that they are in such a hurry just spells TROUBLE!  I know you want to believe that it is just that straightforward, but I can't help but feel that the old saying "if it's too good to be true, it usually is"  applies here.  Good luck and keep us posted!

[AtOurWitsEnd]

I took all of your advice and called an attorney. He is going to go over the paperwork w/ us BEFORE we sign anything and make sure everything is in order.

As for something smelling fishy, you're right. BM lives in a different county and apparently the adoption has to be done in the county in which the kids reside, which is our county.

We should know more tomorrow. I will definately keep you posted, you all have helped me so much with this just by vaildating my own concerns.

[Sunshine1]

I don't get it, am I really slow or am I reading this right?

Your going to adopt the boys, by that I mean the BM is going to sign away her parental rights and you are going to adopt.  AND

Your DH is going to give up his parental rights to the daughter?  Are you out of your minds?

How the hell does that make any sense? Duress or not, what's done is done, and I don't know how you are going to save the daughter by giving up his rights to her!?  We all know that courts are mom friendly so if she wants to get them back it could probably be done, but if he wants his daughter back, it ain't going to work that way.

I say  DON'T DO IT!  The only reason she is offering this up is because she is really worried and wants you to go away!  She wants to keep the daughter...and give up her sons?  She needs a Psych Eval.  I bet if you motion for that, you get the daughter as part of the deal.

[mistoffolees]

>I don't get it, am I really slow or am I reading this right?
>
>Your going to adopt the boys, by that I mean the BM is going
>to sign away her parental rights and you are going to adopt.
>AND
>
>Your DH is going to give up his parental rights to the
>daughter?  Are you out of your minds?
>

That's pretty much my view. Something smells very, very fishy here. Kids aren't meant to be traded like playing cards. And I would not count on being able to reverse the move later because it was 'under duress'. I think the standard for proving duress is considerably higher than the OP does.

[AtOurWitsEnd]

After our last DHS investigation, a psych was ordered for her. Problem is, she refuses to take an the courts won't enforce it. We really have no other option. If you could see the things she has done to these boys and how screwed up they are b/c of it and if you've been through w/ the courts what we've been through, you would see that no matter what we do, we are going to lose something. It is not an easy thing to decide but when you've tried everything else to protect the kids and it hasn't worked, then you are presented w/ a way to keep them safe forever and ALIVE then how do you say no?

I know how it sounds, believe me, I have had many sleepless nights over this and my heart is torn in pieces. If there was ANY OTHER way to make it happen, we would.

[escape2paradise]

That poor little girl is going to have some serious issues as she gets older.  An obviously pyscho mom and a dad who literally sold her out.  It's a very sad situation.

[mistoffolees]

>After our last DHS investigation, a psych was ordered for
>her. Problem is, she refuses to take an the courts won't
>enforce it. We really have no other option. If you could see
>the things she has done to these boys and how screwed up they
>are b/c of it and if you've been through w/ the courts what
>we've been through, you would see that no matter what we do,
>we are going to lose something. It is not an easy thing to
>decide but when you've tried everything else to protect the
>kids and it hasn't worked, then you are presented w/ a way to
>keep them safe forever and ALIVE then how do you say no?
>
>I know how it sounds, believe me, I have had many sleepless
>nights over this and my heart is torn in pieces. If there was
>ANY OTHER way to make it happen, we would.

Why won't the courts enforce it? You need to get your attorney involved. If she was ordered to take a psych eval and refuses, the court has grounds to change the cusotdy  - without you bartering your daughter away.

[Sunshine1]

I think you are making a gigantic mistake by doing this.  And believe me I know where you are coming from with abuse, allegations, and the bullsh*t that goes on. We are 80,000 in the hole combined from all of our crap.  BM has tried everything to accusing me of sleeping with my 9 year old SS to having the city planner pull an old building permit to make sure my roof was in code.

You name it, it has happened to us.  And that is just on the BM side.  My lovely EX's new wife is Bi-polar, boy is she a load of fun.  Everything from death threats to me, my children, and herself if I don't give in to her demands, to beating our handicapped son and then calling the cops on me, because she just rescued him from my attempt on his life (when it was an innocent exchange)

There is nothing that you can tell me that would be different from any other story on here.  There are stories way worse than yours and mine, and I have NEVER once seen someone barter their children to save just 2.  There is a reason she is up to no good, and if your lawyer doesn't file contempt for failing to take the psych eval, and then motion for emergency custody of the daughter, then why did you start this in the first place?  Just to save 2 of his children?...We'll try in a couple years to get the 3rd one.

This is not the way to go, and I can't keep it to myself, you need to keep going until they are all 3 together.