BM wants me (SM) to adopt SS's. Please Help ASAP

[mistoffolees]

>That poor little girl is going to have some serious issues as
>she gets older.  An obviously pyscho mom and a dad who
>literally sold her out.  It's a very sad situation.

Agreed

[AtOurWitsEnd]

We did not start this, she did. All in the name of money and control. I know you do not agree and I appericiate yuour honesty but truly, we have no other option here. My oldest SS, the last time he visited, stood over her bed w/ a butcher knife while she slept. Of course she woke up to it and called us screamong like a banshee to come get the F**king bastard before she killed him. We brought this up to the judge and he dismissed it as a sleepwalking event but SS remembers very clearly what happened that night. So should I let him go visit her again, maybe actually stab her next time and wind up in jail?

B/c that is what will happen if we go to court.

[Sunshine1]

Don't get me wrong, I understand when you are backed into a corner you will do just about anything.  I just don't see this ending well for the daughter is all.  You may be right, she might try and pull more crap and you will end up fighting for the daughter.  How are you going to keep tabs on her when you have no rights to her whatsoever.  The difference between you and BM are is she doesn't give a rip about her boys, you do, she gives a rip about her daughter and that is it, you also care what happens to her so how do you get out of this under duress?  You are supposed to enter into this as the level headed person and know what you are doing.  I just don't see how this is going to work.

Please keep us posted

[AtOurWitsEnd]

Okay, BM's attorney called yesterday and this is how it is going to happen. First we told her that we would not give up on the daughter in a previous convo.

So... BM will be giving up her right as well as DH giving up his to SD. Difference is, in the order, it will state that BM can NEVER regain her rights to My SS's and DH can go back in 2 months, once everything as settled for SS's and regain his rights to SD, w/ the stipulation that we will agree to gradual visitation and if we chose to fight for custody, we will have to do it within  a year of first visitation. Also, no CS will be exchanged on either side b/c in our state, at least, even if you give up your rights, until someone else adopts them, that parent is still responsible for the child financially.

We will be having an attorney of our own looking at these papers to make sure everything is in order.

Now the question I have is a) does this sound doable? and b) BM claims she wants to see the boys before she signs the papers.
We say no b/c what she will most likely do is tell them that they will never see their sister again or tell them that it is all our fault.
I have agreed to her writing them a letter or a phone call, w/ her on speaker and the first hurtful, guilt tripped, or mean thing she says ends the conversation right there. What do you think?

[krazyfamily_6]

I think this all sounds fishy and shady.  Why on earth would your DH have to give up parental rights at all?  Makes NO sense to me.  In my opinion, your DH would be a fool to sign these papers the way they are worded now.  I think BM and her attorney are trying to pull the wool over your eyes.

[mistoffolees]

Still sounds odd, but go with what your attorney tells you. However, if he hesitates at all, it should be a warning sign.

The other thing you're going to have to deal with is the SD. In effect, the message your sending is that you want the boys more than you want her. She's going to resent it and perhaps have all sorts of problems as she gets older. To me, that might be enough for me to stay away from it.

[AtOurWitsEnd]

The only way BM will give up her rights is to have DH "give up" his. He won't really be giving up his rights, BM will just be lead to believe (by her attorney) that he is. This same attorney who told the judge in his chambers (we found out from the GAL) that she wants this case done and over with b/c she can't stand her client but as she was paid well and in advance, she has to put up with her.  All of this was BM's idea, it came to us out of the blue, so yea, we think there may be something up her sleeve. But we did find an attorney who would take on the case this late in the game. We would go to court but that still would not solve the SD problem as she was never a part of this case to begin with. This state is also very anti dad. If we go to court, she will get visitation of the SS's and I can't express how very bad for them that would be. We have so many proffessionals agreeing with us, but the legal system is so crooked. The question remains, should we take them to see her or not?

[Sunshine1]

Yes, take them, but it should be somewhere public, and with DH there at all times.  It seems that the boys don't like her anyway so just to make sure there isn't any craziness going on have DH supervise this visit.

As for your DH giving up his "Parental Rights", I would NOT Agree to that but instead, give up your visitation.  You can always go back and motion for visitation to be reinstated.  Parental rights is a whole other story and I really don't see you reversing that EVER.  As you said this current attorney hates his/her own client, so when this is done and over with she/he is going to withdraw from the case and never touch it again.

Then when you need to go back to get your "parental rights" reinstated, you are going to go and fight a brand new gung ho, your a shitty father who abandoned his daughter lawyer.  

I would also sweeten the deal with no child support to be exchanged.  I would never be this adament about a case if I didn't have a gut feeling that it is about to go terribly wrong for DH, and SD.

As far as the SS's I am fairly sure once they are adopted by you that is the end of the story.  It is really hard for her to get them unadopted without a gigantic court battle and zillions of dollars later.

What do you think of my idea?   :)

[AtOurWitsEnd]

I agree w/ everything but I'm still not sure about bringing the boys. I would have to take them out of school for that and the oldest SS says he refuses to go. The youngest SS says he just doesn't want to see her.

[Sunshine1]

No, I would arrange for a phone call then or a letter.  Why would you pull them out of school...let me guess because she thinks the world revolves around her....most of them do.

I would say if you arranged a phone call and they got on the phone and said their peace, there is not much else you can do from there.  At least you tried and it was their decision.  They obviously are old enough to make an informed decision on how they want to handle their relationship with their mother.  You can't force them to like her, but you do have to try to be the "friendlier parent" no matter how much you would rather like slit your wrists than be nice.

Sooooo, is anything I offered something you are going to swing by your attorney or is this paperwork you got have a fresh wet signature on it?