BM wants me (SM) to adopt SS's. Please Help ASAP

[AtOurWitsEnd]

Please help. BM's lawyer called and said that BM wants to make a deal. She wants me to adopt the 2 boys that have been living with us for 2 years. She says she is willing to give up her rights. What I need to is, her lawyer makes it sound like we just sign some paper and WHAM it's done. We have 2 days to decide or the deals off and we can't get a lawyer that fast. Is it that easy? And what steps do I take afterwards? How do I get my name on their B.C. and seal the orginals? What do I do after we sign the papers?

[Jade]

>Please help. BM's lawyer called and said that BM wants to
>make a deal. She wants me to adopt the 2 boys that have been
>living with us for 2 years. She says she is willing to give up
>her rights. What I need to is, her lawyer makes it sound like
>we just sign some paper and WHAM it's done. We have 2 days to
>decide or the deals off and we can't get a lawyer that fast.
>Is it that easy? And what steps do I take afterwards? How do I
>get my name on their B.C. and seal the orginals? What do I do
>after we sign the papers?


Have them fax you (or overnight, at their expense) the paperwork.  AND get a lawyer that fast.  You don't want this messed up.  Perhaps your husband's divorce attorney?  Or a friend who is an attorney (offer to pay, of course)?

One thing that you will give up by adopting them is that the bm doesn't have to pay child support ever.  You will be taking on that responsibility.  

[HelpingHands]

Ditto the faxing or overnighting the information.

I don't think this is something to do without at least taking the papers to an attorney and allowing them to review the documents and give you an idea on how to proceed.

I would not make a deal to cut off all visitation rights to the little girl. What she is proposing is selling/trading 2 boys for 1 girl. I don't think a judge would agree to that type of arrangement anyways. They are blood. They need to spend time with their sister. That proposal goes to show for her mental status.

[mistoffolees]

>Please help. BM's lawyer called and said that BM wants to
>make a deal. She wants me to adopt the 2 boys that have been
>living with us for 2 years. She says she is willing to give up
>her rights. What I need to is, her lawyer makes it sound like
>we just sign some paper and WHAM it's done. We have 2 days to
>decide or the deals off and we can't get a lawyer that fast.
>Is it that easy? And what steps do I take afterwards? How do I
>get my name on their B.C. and seal the orginals? What do I do
>after we sign the papers?

In principle, it's that simple, although I think the court has to approve it (I don't know if they would be likely to object or not).

First, get an attorney. Now. Even if you can't make the 2 day deadline, don't rush into this. It's like buying a car- when they tell you the deal's only good today, they're lying. If it's good today, it's probably good tomorrow.

Look real hard at the pluses and minuses:

1. You take on full responsibility for everything the kids ever do. Finances are all your responsibility. College. Their first car. Weddings. Etc.

2. In principle, I would argue that it's no deal unless the BM never contacts the kdis again. In my case, my stbx's 1st husband wanted us to adopt the kids, but he wanted to stay in their lives. Why in the world would we do that? We'd pick up all the expenses, but he'd stay around to annoy us and the kids. If they're proposing that, I'd tell them to forget it. If you're taking away her financial responsibility, she should be out of the picture entirely.

Of course, that creates a problem with the kids. If they're close to her, it's probably in their best interest for her to stay in their lives. That means you're back to you picking up the financial responsibllity, but she gets to keep the good stuff (contact with the kids).

3. You can't undo it. The kids are your problem forever.

The real issue becomes, what happens if you and your husband ever get divorced (or he dies or becomes disabled). Do you want to be paying child support for these kids who weren't yours to start with?

On the positive side, of course, many step-parents are already acting like parents and love their kids dearly and don't mind taking care of them.

Given the impact on the kids, and the likelihood that she wants to pawn off her financial responsibility but still stay involved (or the likelihood that the kids will be harmed if she DOESN'T stay involved), I'm pretty biased against the idea. Get yourself a good family practice attorney to discuss your options.

[AtOurWitsEnd]

She doesn't want to stay involved at all. She NEVER wants anything to do with them. SHe already are and have for the last 2 years, been responsible for them financially. She hasn't paid a penny in CS.

The judge has already given the go ahead to sign the papers.

IF my DH and I divorce, I will retain custody of the kids. ALL of them. We have papers stating that, it was the one stipulation to me even considering it in the first place.

When we asked the kids how they felt about it the jumped all over the house with glee and wouldn't calm down for the entire night. The NEVER want to see her either.

[AtOurWitsEnd]

Any idea where an attorney is that would do that w/o a large fee? We live in oklahoma.

[mistoffolees]

>She doesn't want to stay involved at all. She NEVER wants
>anything to do with them. SHe already are and have for the
>last 2 years, been responsible for them financially. She
>hasn't paid a penny in CS.
>
>The judge has already given the go ahead to sign the papers.
>
>IF my DH and I divorce, I will retain custody of the kids. ALL
>of them. We have papers stating that, it was the one
>stipulation to me even considering it in the first place.
>
>When we asked the kids how they felt about it the jumped all
>over the house with glee and wouldn't calm down for the entire
>night. The NEVER want to see her either.
>


Please don't think I'm suggesting a decision for you - I just wanted to make sure you had considered all the repurcussions. Sounds like you have.

Good luck.

[Sunshine1]

Where does she fit into all of this?  Is she seriously saying you can have the boys exclusively, but then you are going to give me the daughter?

What is she proposing for her?

[AtOurWitsEnd]

Yes, that is what she is saying. After reveiwing the laws in our state, however, I have found a loophole. Apparently, if rights are signed away under duress, then they can be undone.

In our case, it is duress as we have no ohter option to save these kids. You would not believe the things we have been though and all the avenues we have exhausted. This state in particular is very anti dad and no matter what she does or how much proof we have, she always skates away. We even have pics of what she has done and witnesses ans so on yet she still gets to visit them if we go to court. This is the ONLY way we have to save them.

So, that being the case, once they are adopted over, we will then be hiring an attorney and fighting for the daughter. We ahven't given up, just taking the steps one at a time.

[escape2paradise]

How can the courts agree to relinquishments of the parental rights to the girl?  For the boys I can see as you are there to take the place of mom.  Does BM have a husband willing to adopt?  If not, that would be unheard of.