Mom is "missing", what can I do?

[Sunshine1]

Seriously, to me it sounds like she is locked up.  I would call you local jails and find out if she is in there.  You can do that.  They will tell you if she is or not.  I don't know how she would be using her phone to text you though.  She is not in treatment either, you don't get to keep your phone, you have to call the facility to speak to them and vice versa.

The whole thing sounds fishy, and I would keep an extremely close eye on her if she returns!

Oh yeah...and you are not weak...read my signature quote......

[ocean]

Not true...if she is inpatient she can have a phone in most facilities...It is not like jail. They are usually in lock-down for 3 days then to apartment style living if you are not in danger to yourself or others....

[Sunshine1]

Huh!!  All my family members must of been a danger to themselves or others, their phones were confiscated until departure.  LOL

[missmyson]

Yesterday she texted a friend to call her parents and have them meet her at a fast food resteraunt.  THen she texted back to say she was too busy to make it and would have to meet them today.  This does not sound like someone returning from treatment.  This sounds more like a something you would hear in a court tv documentary- too shady.  However, she ended up coming back to her house for a few hours today and saw her children again.
    She told her parents she is not going to be providing me with any verification of where she has been.  She said she is in a halfway house, going to counseling all day and meetings in the evening.  She said she wants to stay there another week so she can finish the program she is in.  Then she showed them a bag full of medication she has been perscribed.  They believe her, because she has gained weight and seems well.  I believe she may be in a halfway house now- but if she is seeking a medicinal cure for her addiction- there is none.  If she is attending yet more counseling to help her with mental health issues, this is a common "way out" for those who will not admit their real problem, and are still trying to find a way to get back to drinking and using.  These things can help- as something is better than nothing.  But unless the addiction is made the #1 priority recovery will fail, and any other progress can be thrown out the window.  
     She has said that she is seeking SSI disability benefits for her mental illness.  This is classic.  People who need help are often channeled into a path which provides them with easy money, perscription drugs, and excuses for their continuing bad behavior.  
      So, even if she is telling the truth, I am still very concerned for my son's well being.  She is scary- terrible when drinking ( and I believe using).  She becomes like a monster who doesn't care about anything.  
Two months ago she got drunk and broke into my apartment - while the children waited in the car.  Our wonderful local police found every excuse they could not to charge her.  I should pursue that with the district attorney.  
       Can I obtain any of these record to enter a modification of custody?  Could I show that her deteriorating mental condition is a substatial change of circumstances?  How can I do this without an attorney ?  My last one is threatening to garnish my wages if I can't pay her $8500 in 9 months.  I guess its too late for the emergency motion.  I need to do something.  Please help.
      I VERY much appreciate all of the input.  I feel better knowing that I am not alone, and that my feelings are not invalid.      
     
     

[mistoffolees]

This is not legal advice - just a gut opinion.

While it's possible to file for custody by yourself, I don't recommend it. The number of hours it would require you to invest would be great enough that you'd do almost as well getting a second job.

However, it seems to me that you have an easier option. You'd need to file with the court requesting a custody evaluation. While the custody evaluation isn't cheap, it's far less expensive than a court battle. Furthemore, the rules of evidence are a bit looser for the custody evaluation. For example: can you really PROVE that she's using drugs to the satisfaction of a court? Perhaps not. But if you provide your evidence to the custody evaluator, it might be sufficient. Furthermore, if the evaluator asks her whether she's using drugs and she refuses to answer, it will be held against her. It's easier to refuse to answer for the court and get away with it.

[backwardsbike]

Not where I come from, Ocean.  I am a psychatric nurse for the past 25 years and a master's in counseling candidate. Ihave worked in a number of rehabs and mental health facilities.  Patients are never allowed to keep thier phones.  In fact, even in the half way houses they aren't allowed cell phones.

Also, these facilites have very strict schedules.  They usualy have a time for lights out- so no phone calls would be made after that.  Certainly NOT at 2AM.  Most addcits get used to being up all night and so the treatment facilities like to get them on a day time schedule.  Mostplaces you are up by 7AM and in your room by 11PM.

The facility also would not call the family to tell them their family meember was in treatment unless the patient had signed a release giving the faclitiy permission to speak to the family.

From my veiw- she hasn't been in treatment and I doubt that she's been in jail. Is it possible that she was on her good behavior til you got the settle ment doen then just "cut loose" for awhile to party?

[backwardsbike]

Also not legal advice but I do not think your child should be around mom unsupervised until everyone knows that she is capable of caring for him adn that he willnot be in any danger.  ido nothtink it unreasonable for you to seek temporary custody until such a time as an outpatient counsleor and a psychiatrist deems her OK to care fo the child.  She may wellneed some type of intense treatmentin the community when she does come home- assumeing she's been in treatment at all.

Mist's advice is good too.  You will probably end up havng to get an eval.  My concern is what couldhappen in the interiu m if she comes back and wants to go back to the previosu agreed upon schedule.

Please seek the advice of an attorney- even if you have to go thru legal aid.

[Sunshine1]

.

[missmyson]

She came back a week ago saying that unless she agreed to having her medication upped, they would kick her out of the treatment center (because she came home late one night), so she left.  Two days later she stayed out until 3am- telling the GP's that her medication made her fall asleep in a parking lot (uh-huh).  Then she left again Sunday and is gone again.  Her Dad found her in a bar, and was so disgusted by what he saw that he passed out.  He then went to the apartment of the person she had left the house with- and that person had to tell her to leave because of her behavoir.  She was last seen going into the apartment 4 doors down.  

      The GP's are now ready to go with me to court to help me secure custody of my son - temporary or whatever.  The are saying that she will not be welcome back in their house, and that if she tries to leave with the child, they will call the police. They do not wish to continue taking care of my son, so wish to help me in this effort.  We are all very concerned about what she will do when faced with this situation.  

      Should we now go and file an emergency motion for temporary custody?  The office that takes such motions told me that all they could say is those motions are for when there is an immediate threat of death or manifest injury.  I don't know if this is the case.  If we go, what should we say in our Emergency motion?  Do I write that the Granparents- who she left the child with- are present with me at this time and ready to testify that they do not wish to take care of him any longer, and that his mother is missing again, and they are afraid to let her take the child because of her behavior?

        Please help me.  We need to do something- but what?

[Sunshine1]

Ok.  Do not wait another minute.  GO pick him up.  Or before you go pick him up get yourself a good lawyer.  Beg, borrow, sell, steal if you have to get a retainer pulled together..better yet ask her parents for the retainer.

She is doing drugs...she is not going to stop.  Just go get him, and file the papers ASAP.

What state and county are you in. Everyone here is ready to help.  It doesn't matter how mad she gets when you file, things will already be set in motion, and I am sorry to say but with any luck she will use this time to dig a bigger hole.  Yes I did say that, and everyone is thinking it, but a father getting custody of his son is nearly impossible, even with a strung out junkie mother living in friend's house with no real address.  The wrong judge just might think that is ok...and I have seen some that have.

It is up to you to determine if that is ok with you and the welfare of your son?  My guess is probably not.  So now is the time to grow a pair and don't listen to one word that comes out of her mouth...she is lying.  Seh is an addict and they are not to be trusted.

Ask for temporary SOLE CUSTODY, with Supervised visits for the mother pending a 6 month random UA screenings.  You want a GAL appointed and Custody Evaluation done.  You also need to start drafing a parenting plan.

BEFORE all of this...Tomorrow morning you go see a lawyer and when you walk out of his/her office and you go get your son and bring him home.


Any questions?