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Change visitation by childs wishes

Started by Belle, Jan 06, 2004, 04:30:34 AM

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Belle

If a child does not want to have extended visit can cp deny visit or will they need to go to court? Cp thinks that this her right as the cp despite visitation arrangements agreed to this summer. Child (preteen) likes to visit but could be talked into not visiting in lew of extra curricular activities. Extened visits are a must we are in another state and cp refuses minor to fly alone. Thanks,  Belle

nosonew

I think as kids get older, they need to be allowed to participate in extra-curricular sports, etc.  It teaches them how to play as a team, respect, responsibility, etc.

HOWEVER, since you live in another state, perhaps you can check in your area and find baseball and basketball teams, (depending on the sport he is involved in) and find out how to enroll him at your home.  This way he gets the best of both worlds, gets to participate in the sport, and spend time with dad.

tulip

I think these activities are very important for kids to be involved in. But if he's going to be staying for the summer, why can't he do that stuff in your area? It would help him to make some friends around there, so he would better enjoy coming for extended visits too.

I know this is not a very popular opinion among those of you who have kids living in other states, or exes in other states, but I don't think minors should fly alone. Did anyone else hear the story the other day about that 6 year old boy who was flying home from a holiday visit with his dad, and the four hour flight turned into a 30 hour adventure? This plane had to land at a different airport because of weather, and he went home with a flight attendant he didn't know. Sorry, but I think one parent should fly with a child each way, so they don't have to be alone. Regardless of my opinion, however, most courts will not accept that opinion as a reason for denying visitation.

Belle

She is in activites every week thru out the year, dance team for 5th graders including little league ftball support, and two regular dance classes a week, Aug. till June. That is not the issue we love her to try new experiences, we even have a top notch dance studio & daycamp here to occupy the 5 week summer visit. Cp states she wants the child at her choice of studios in hometown only because it will cause conflict in established dance style. We only get a few visits a year since the distance and travel arrangements. We are entitled to extended weekends but the cp will not comply stating its to short of a time to enjoy a visit. We always hit a Brick wall. There is a underlining reasoning it is not the child she loves her time here. It is a break.

Belle

Our other daughter two years older than child in question travels three times a year accompanied for 8 years now once La to NY first class accompanied (of course) no problems ever. Transportation is not a major issue. We dont like travel to happen wo a parent in winter months.

nosonew

Since you are not against her doing things at your place, bm doesn't have a chance in hell at changing the order in court.  If she refuses visitations per court order, file contempt charges against her.  Wait til you have three, then file, three more, file again, etc.  The judge will eventually get pissed and either fine & jail her or change custody all together.  (Hopefully that is!)  Good luck, let us know what happens!

MixedBag

The legal answer is NO.  There is an order in place and the CP and NCP must follow it.

BTDT, fighting that issue right now on two different home fronts (two different divorces).

The severity of punishment for the violation of the court order rests totally with the judge.  Some will come down hard, some won't and that's the chance the CP takes when violating the order.

Family comes first.  Then both parents must carefully balance the childs interests afterwards......

Complying with the court order puts the family first because the NCP is still part of the child's family whether the CP (and SUBSEQUENT FAMILY) likes it or not.

tulip

Guess what? CP doesn't get to decide everything. I would make that very clear to her right now. If you have a court-order in place, she can't just decide she doesn't want to follow it. If she does she is breaking the law. If she is trying to talk the child into saying that she doesn't want to go, she could get into trouble for that too, depending on the judge.

If the girl is that much into dance, IMO, it would certainly be GOOD for her to experience different styles of dance. Broadening her horizons could be very beneficial to her "career."

Just keep letting her know that you are looking forward to her visit, and that it's against the law to not follow the court order.

Belle

Thanks, We have tried Mediation and Cp made several agreements and submitted them to the courtfile (not us) then retracks and changes meaning of plan to suit mood. This problem has not arose yet, but CP is bragging to others about using this ploy. It is just so sad, as a Cp  with a child who's bf has had no contact in 13 years It is heartbreaking to see a parent wanting to have their child in thier life and be threatened every visit with court. I know the judge would laugh at some of the demands, but she is a good actress in from of those who decide.

Kitty C.

I never heard the story, but ALL airlines have contingency plans for such events.  Of course, he had to stay with someone, since he couldn't fly out, but I can GUARANTEE you that BOTH parents were notified of what was happening and also conversed with the attendant the child was staying with, plus other authorities with the airline.  Every stone is uncovered and every detail is gone over with a fine tooth comb.  That's the way they HAVE to operate with UAM's.

DS had run into a few 'incidences' in the years he flew to CA to see his dad.  One year there was a delay in Denver and DS got hungry, but since his original lay-over wasn't supposed to be so long, I didn't send any money with him.  My mistake.  So first they tried contacting me, but my cell phone was out of reach.  They finally got a hold of DS's dad and informed him of what was happening and that they would be feeding DS at their expense.  One of the things they asked was if DS had any food allergies, one of the main reasons for the call.  

About 5 years ago, DS was coming back from Christmas with his dad and we got a snowstorm.  It was a 4 hour drive (on a GOOD day!) to the airport, but about halfway there, I got a call from DS's dad that because the flights were being delayed and/or out of Denver because of weather, they weren't even going to let DS fly ot of Sacramento, and would put him on a flight the next day.  So we had the choice of either going all the way to Omaha, staying in Des Moines (halfway), or going all the way back home.  We chose DSM.  We ended up losing a day of work and DS lost a day of school, BUT he came back safe and sound.

DS flew for 9 years alone and NEVER did I have any reason to question how the airlines took care of him.  And we used quite a few.  I know that if we could have afforded it, one of us probably would have flown with DS.  But I seriously doubt that any divorced parents out there (save for only the very rich) would be able to afford to do that, especially on a regular basis.  But I took comfort in the VERY STRICT guidelines that the FAA requires all airlines to follow regarding UAM's.  Heaven forbid an of those guidelines be breached, as SEVERE penalties could be assessed against the airlines by the FAA, not to mention the HUGE lawsuit they'd have to face with the parents!
Handle every stressful situation like a dog........if you can't play with it or eat it, pee on it and walk away.......

tulip

I am so thankful that I have never even had to consider the idea of putting one of my precious children on an airplane w/o a trusted adult. I know that many, many parents have to do it because they have no choice, and I know that it would be very scary for me.

DH has been facing the possibility of this for a while, because his ex keeps talking about moving to AK. Know that we know she can't move the kids up there, she would have to leave them here if she went. DH believes that if she moves up there, it will be up to her to come back here to see the kids. He says the only way the can go there to visit is if she comes to get them so they don't have to fly alone. I know that is not his decision alone, but he won't even consider the idea. Hopefully he won't be put in that position, because I know he would FREAK. He gets so upset hearing stories on the news like the one about that boy not making it home when he was supposed to, or girls being sexually assaulted by strangers sitting next to him, and he is only concerned about the safety of his kids.

I know if parents always flew with their children for the visits, most of the time that would mean buying two extra round trip tickets. One to get the child there, and one to get the child back. That is an expense most parents can't afford. I would love to visit AK, but by the time I can afford to fly my whole family there, my skids will probably be old enough to fly alone.

Kitty, I'm really glad that you have never had any major problems sending your child on a plane, and I didn't want to offend anyone, because I know that people just do what they have to do. I guess I just wanted to say that I can understand a parent being afraid to do it. I think it also depends on the kids age, and personality, if they could handle it or not. By the way, when I saw this story on the news, the mother was a lot more shaken up about the whole thing than the child was.

Belle

If she moves you generally have to pay for half the travel expences, she seeks modification.  I have my child fly alone no problems you pay the extra fee to the airline and I always tip the person caring for my child. It is important for my child to see her entire family and not be punished for distance our jobs require. It is expensive but not our choice in relocating (armed services).  I feel it is a personal decision and I respect cp decision, not thrilled about it but that is where they designed extended parent times and now that is being abused, its hard knowing what is real concerns and what is just lingering anger from the relationship so many years ago.

MKx2

DS and I lived in VA and his father was in Canada - while he was older when he flew between the two locations (13 - 18), he flew alone and he was just fine.  This was before the airlines required an adult fly with even younger ones.

I will admit that when he missed a flight in Atlanta coming home to me, my heart was racing ... by the time they located him, he had already talked to the airlines and was scheduled on the  the next flight.  LOL - he was 14, fell asleep while waiting for his flight (2 hour layover) and never heard the PA announcement for the gate change - grrrrrrrrrrrrr!

Kitty C.

I can guarantee you that that child was WELL protected, but as for the stories about girls being molested is just that...stories.  The airlines are required to put the kids near the front, preferably in the front row, so that they are as close to the flight attendants station as possible.  They never let them out of their sight, except for the bathroom.

A LOT of when a child should be allowed to fly alone should depend on the child's maturity.  You have to pay an additional fee for UAM's, now up to about $120, on top of the cost of the ticket.  And up until they are 8, they must fly direct/non-stop.  DS's dad and I went one more year, since DS is ADHD.  It gave us some added security, knowing that the person how took DS from me was the SAME person who handed him over to his dad.  That form that accompanies any child MUST be filled out with signatures of EVERY person in charge of the child's care.

I know how scary it can be, and I've had many people ask me how I did that every summer and EO Christmas.  I think my love of flying had a LOT to do with alleviating my fears.  But I'd be an idiot if I didn't say I cried every time he left!  Since he was gone ALL summer long, it was more because of the time we'd be apart than worry about his safety.

But I also think it has done a LOT to build DS's self-confidence, too.  He's an old pro at flying now, and his trip this summer to see his SM and half sister will be free because of his accumulation of frequent flyer miles!
Handle every stressful situation like a dog........if you can't play with it or eat it, pee on it and walk away.......