Welcome to SPARC Forums. Please login or sign up.

Jul 17, 2024, 08:39:59 AM

Login with username, password and session length

Change visitation by childs wishes

Started by Belle, Jan 06, 2004, 04:30:34 AM

Previous topic - Next topic


If a child does not want to have extended visit can cp deny visit or will they need to go to court? Cp thinks that this her right as the cp despite visitation arrangements agreed to this summer. Child (preteen) likes to visit but could be talked into not visiting in lew of extra curricular activities. Extened visits are a must we are in another state and cp refuses minor to fly alone. Thanks,  Belle


I think as kids get older, they need to be allowed to participate in extra-curricular sports, etc.  It teaches them how to play as a team, respect, responsibility, etc.

HOWEVER, since you live in another state, perhaps you can check in your area and find baseball and basketball teams, (depending on the sport he is involved in) and find out how to enroll him at your home.  This way he gets the best of both worlds, gets to participate in the sport, and spend time with dad.


I think these activities are very important for kids to be involved in. But if he's going to be staying for the summer, why can't he do that stuff in your area? It would help him to make some friends around there, so he would better enjoy coming for extended visits too.

I know this is not a very popular opinion among those of you who have kids living in other states, or exes in other states, but I don't think minors should fly alone. Did anyone else hear the story the other day about that 6 year old boy who was flying home from a holiday visit with his dad, and the four hour flight turned into a 30 hour adventure? This plane had to land at a different airport because of weather, and he went home with a flight attendant he didn't know. Sorry, but I think one parent should fly with a child each way, so they don't have to be alone. Regardless of my opinion, however, most courts will not accept that opinion as a reason for denying visitation.


She is in activites every week thru out the year, dance team for 5th graders including little league ftball support, and two regular dance classes a week, Aug. till June. That is not the issue we love her to try new experiences, we even have a top notch dance studio & daycamp here to occupy the 5 week summer visit. Cp states she wants the child at her choice of studios in hometown only because it will cause conflict in established dance style. We only get a few visits a year since the distance and travel arrangements. We are entitled to extended weekends but the cp will not comply stating its to short of a time to enjoy a visit. We always hit a Brick wall. There is a underlining reasoning it is not the child she loves her time here. It is a break.


Our other daughter two years older than child in question travels three times a year accompanied for 8 years now once La to NY first class accompanied (of course) no problems ever. Transportation is not a major issue. We dont like travel to happen wo a parent in winter months.


Since you are not against her doing things at your place, bm doesn't have a chance in hell at changing the order in court.  If she refuses visitations per court order, file contempt charges against her.  Wait til you have three, then file, three more, file again, etc.  The judge will eventually get pissed and either fine & jail her or change custody all together.  (Hopefully that is!)  Good luck, let us know what happens!


The legal answer is NO.  There is an order in place and the CP and NCP must follow it.

BTDT, fighting that issue right now on two different home fronts (two different divorces).

The severity of punishment for the violation of the court order rests totally with the judge.  Some will come down hard, some won't and that's the chance the CP takes when violating the order.

Family comes first.  Then both parents must carefully balance the childs interests afterwards......

Complying with the court order puts the family first because the NCP is still part of the child's family whether the CP (and SUBSEQUENT FAMILY) likes it or not.


Guess what? CP doesn't get to decide everything. I would make that very clear to her right now. If you have a court-order in place, she can't just decide she doesn't want to follow it. If she does she is breaking the law. If she is trying to talk the child into saying that she doesn't want to go, she could get into trouble for that too, depending on the judge.

If the girl is that much into dance, IMO, it would certainly be GOOD for her to experience different styles of dance. Broadening her horizons could be very beneficial to her "career."

Just keep letting her know that you are looking forward to her visit, and that it's against the law to not follow the court order.


Thanks, We have tried Mediation and Cp made several agreements and submitted them to the courtfile (not us) then retracks and changes meaning of plan to suit mood. This problem has not arose yet, but CP is bragging to others about using this ploy. It is just so sad, as a Cp  with a child who's bf has had no contact in 13 years It is heartbreaking to see a parent wanting to have their child in thier life and be threatened every visit with court. I know the judge would laugh at some of the demands, but she is a good actress in from of those who decide.

Kitty C.

I never heard the story, but ALL airlines have contingency plans for such events.  Of course, he had to stay with someone, since he couldn't fly out, but I can GUARANTEE you that BOTH parents were notified of what was happening and also conversed with the attendant the child was staying with, plus other authorities with the airline.  Every stone is uncovered and every detail is gone over with a fine tooth comb.  That's the way they HAVE to operate with UAM's.

DS had run into a few 'incidences' in the years he flew to CA to see his dad.  One year there was a delay in Denver and DS got hungry, but since his original lay-over wasn't supposed to be so long, I didn't send any money with him.  My mistake.  So first they tried contacting me, but my cell phone was out of reach.  They finally got a hold of DS's dad and informed him of what was happening and that they would be feeding DS at their expense.  One of the things they asked was if DS had any food allergies, one of the main reasons for the call.  

About 5 years ago, DS was coming back from Christmas with his dad and we got a snowstorm.  It was a 4 hour drive (on a GOOD day!) to the airport, but about halfway there, I got a call from DS's dad that because the flights were being delayed and/or out of Denver because of weather, they weren't even going to let DS fly ot of Sacramento, and would put him on a flight the next day.  So we had the choice of either going all the way to Omaha, staying in Des Moines (halfway), or going all the way back home.  We chose DSM.  We ended up losing a day of work and DS lost a day of school, BUT he came back safe and sound.

DS flew for 9 years alone and NEVER did I have any reason to question how the airlines took care of him.  And we used quite a few.  I know that if we could have afforded it, one of us probably would have flown with DS.  But I seriously doubt that any divorced parents out there (save for only the very rich) would be able to afford to do that, especially on a regular basis.  But I took comfort in the VERY STRICT guidelines that the FAA requires all airlines to follow regarding UAM's.  Heaven forbid an of those guidelines be breached, as SEVERE penalties could be assessed against the airlines by the FAA, not to mention the HUGE lawsuit they'd have to face with the parents!
Handle every stressful situation like a dog........if you can't play with it or eat it, pee on it and walk away.......