Must take my child to all extra curricular activites, even on my weekend,

[ilovemysd]

There's a difference between parenting and babysitting, and babysitting is what an NCP is reduced to in situations where the CP is allowed to make all decisions about what the child does, regardless of where the child is.  In our situation, the CP tends to wait until two days before an activity before telling the NCP that the child needs to be somewhere.  This frequently interferes with family plans... has interfered with two birthday parties and a sleepover with the child's cousins.  When a NCP has limited time and contact with the child, it is absolutely imperative that family events or NCP time be honored.  In our situation, the CP is very adament that the NCP cannot tell the CP what to do during CP's time, but in the reverse, is quite happy telling the NCP how to parent, when to parent, where to parent.  We talk so frequently about the best interests of the child, but truly, for the sake of our children's future marriages, isn't it best to not teach that a father's role is to do whatever mom says?  If NCPs constantly make accomodations to what the CP demands, the NCP teaches the child that the CP is more important than anything, and seriously skews the child's perception of a healthy marriage/parenting relationship.

[ocean]

I agree with you BUT your DH also has to be a parent to his child and be  active in their life. That means finding out what is going on at school and take them and once the child is signed up for soccer (or whatever) the child makes most of the games. There were times that we felt that SD should miss the soccer game for a family event but that usually only happened one time a season. Her schedule should also be a priority. By the father being involved in the child's activities teaches the child how a parent cares and roots for children. It has nothing to do with father doing what BM says. Just because a child's parents are divorced does not mean they should not get to be at their games. The best interest is for the child to have a "Regular" childhood that has both parents who can talk and root their kids on regardless if they are married or not.

[tommy1319]

I am the original poster of this string.  I have been ordered to take my son to all activities his mother decides he should go to.  The judge however did not order my ex- to do the same on her weekends.   I do feel like a baby sitter and my son and his sisters from another marriage like spedning time with me.  Its very unfair, even though I have legal joint custody.  The important thing is that my son enjoys being with me and doing things together and is alright with missing every other soccer game, this way he has the best of both worlds (his words).
But for the judge to order that I have to take him where ever my ex-says, and she doesn't have to do the same, I think is unfair and typical of the slanted legal system that always treats fathers as part time baby sitters and insignicant entities.
My ex treats me as a nusance, and is irriated by having to share our  son.  He is being used as a pawn.  I have taken him to plenty of activities in the past, now that she has the court order, she is planning to sign him up for every thing under the sun, just to impact my time with my son and his sisters.  His two sisters are impacted because they will have to ruin there weekend time with me for a two hour activity in the middle of a Saturday afternoon, on my weekend instead of being on sailboat in the Poconos or doing whatever we want...
Things need to change with regards to fathers rights.  
I need suggestions!!!!!        

[tommy1319]

I am the original poster of this string.  I have been ordered to take my son to all activities his mother decides he should go to.  The judge however did not order my ex- to do the same on her weekends.   I do feel like a baby sitter and my son and his sisters from another marriage like spedning time with me.  Its very unfair, even though I have legal joint custody.  The important thing is that my son enjoys being with me and doing things together and is alright with missing every other soccer game, this way he has the best of both worlds (his words).
But for the judge to order that I have to take him where ever my ex-says, and she doesn't have to do the same, I think is unfair and typical of the slanted legal system that always treats fathers as part time baby sitters and insignicant entities.
My ex treats me as a nusance, and is irriated by having to share our  son.  He is being used as a pawn.  I have taken him to plenty of activities in the past, now that she has the court order, she is planning to sign him up for every thing under the sun, just to impact my time with my son and his sisters.  His two sisters are impacted because they will have to ruin there weekend time with me for a two hour activity in the middle of a Saturday afternoon, on my weekend instead of being on sailboat in the Poconos or doing whatever we want...
Things need to change with regards to fathers rights.  
I need suggestions!!!!!        

[Ref]

Wow! Your judge SUCKS! Unless you think your judge will reconsider, you really have no choice but to do as you are told and be a good NCP. This really sucks for you. I am really sorry.

The only thing you can make a choice about is how you react to the crap you are placed in. You can be angry and behave like you are being punished or you can get excited about going to the games. Make plans with the whole family around it. Go when it isn't your time. This outlook will not only keep you from going gray or losing your hair but also piss off your ex by showing that she cannot ruin your life no matter how controlling and evil she is. Don't give her the satisfaction of seeing this bothing you. Exs like this LOVE control, if you act as though YOU are benefiting from this by enjoying the time she will blow her top!

My advice is to get your head in a positive place about this. It will turn the poison your ex is trying to lay on you, back on her. HEHE you can even call her and ask when ALL of his games are and tell her you will see her there. That will REALLY get under her skin.

Good Luck

Ref

[topnotchdad]

Yeah, you should even volunteer to be the soccer coach next year.  I guarantee you that she will pull him out of soccer if you do that, and then you will have your weekends back.  OR, she may leave him in soccer, in which case you willl have a better bond with your son--he will remember that you coached him for the rest of his life.

BM signed my SD up for gymnastics just so she could come get her on our weekends (and piss us off).  We said, "great, what time is it, we will bring her and meet you there!"  She pulled her out after only a couple months.  Of course SD was disappointed she didn't get to do gymnastics anymore, but we had the last laugh on BM.

[msme]

Keep very accurate records of everything she signs him up for, that interferes with your time. Then, send her a certified letter with the info for his bowling, as well as anything else that you would like to have him do on her time. Send her one each week. She will either refuse them or sign for them & as you said, ignore the things on her time.

Make sure you take him to everything she schedules him for. Put on a happy face & take lots of pictures. Take them with a disposable camera, that you purchase the day of the event. Take them to a one hour developer & then put them in an envelope with the receipt from the camera & the one from the processing.

Mail them to yourself & don't open them. When mailing them, address the back of the envelope. Buy small denomination stamps & place them along the edge of the flap of the envelope. Take this to the post office & ask them to hand cancel it. This creates a postal seal & is admisable in court as evidence.

Go to every meeting & event at school. Speak frequently with his teachers & his counselor. Volunteer when you can at school. Everything you do must be done with the love & joy that you derive from being part of your son's life.

After about a year of her doing this, & you collecting the evidence, you might stand a chance of convincing the judge of the inequity of the situation. Of course, you can also find out if the judge is elected & when the election comes up, work hard for the opponent. It worked for us.

Good luck & God bless.
You never get a second chance to make a first impression!

[lawless]

I have been in this situation where a boy on my son's soccer team was only taken to soccer by his Mom and not his Dad.  I must admit, although it does seem that we should be able to do whatever we want with our kids when they are with us, it is a burden on the other boys, the coach, and the team to have one player gone half of the time.  It seems that the message to your son is that since the divorce, he does not have to commit to the same level as the other kids.  He is also taking a space from another child who is willing to commit to the fullest level.

I do completely agree with you that the judgement seems biased but I believe that we need to teach children as young as 10 what it means to commit to a team.  The best scenario would be for the 2 parents to decide together (with your son, of course) which sports to commit to.  Then, it is important for both to participate.  This is not about getting back at the Ex, it is about your son and setting an example for him.  He probably would prefer to only commit 1/2 of the time and be on vacation the other 1/2 but this is not really what it is like being on a team.

The boy I mentioned above eventually took a stand with his father and at age 13 started coming to all practices and games.  By the way, he is our most talented player now at age 16!

Your weekend trips sound fantastic!  Surely there are "off season" times when you can go a few extra times.....


Lawless

[Sunshine1]

"Mail them to yourself & don't open them. When mailing them, address the back of the envelope. Buy small denomination stamps & place them along the edge of the flap of the envelope. Take this to the post office & ask them to hand cancel it. This creates a postal seal & is admisable in court as evidence."

Can you explain this for me?  What do you do? and Why?

[msme]

It is what is known as a poor man's copy right. If you have something that you need to prove the date of, by mailing it to yourself & using the stamps as a seal & having it hand canceled at the post office, you can prove that the contentents are as they were on that given date. That
can not be refuted. It can be opened in court by or in front of the judge as evidence to an incident.

Hope that clears it up.
You never get a second chance to make a first impression!