Not sure what to do

[awakenlynn]

Quick update first.  Ex dropped of SD on the 22nd, a day late.  She decided she HAD to drive to IL instead of putting SD on the plane, even though she had us get tickets to the airport she requested.
Anyways, after some more games about where she would drop SD off, she finally came to our usual spot at the local McDonald's.

Ok.  The court order states that we are responsible for the Christmas visitation.  That is spelled out.  Then it is spelled out that Christmas visitation follows the school calendar.  We have copies of both the school calendar and the district calendar.  The dates are 12/21 to 1/2/07.  School starts 1/3/08.

SD is 14 years old and talked to her about the pro's and con's of flying.  She has already flown with lay-overs and this one is short at 1 hr 15 min.  She has no problem.  Our attorney asked what we thought was in the best interest of the child.  So hubby and I sat down and discussed it, asking questions of SD when they came up for her input.  SD would rather fly.  We would rather she fly.  She would leave about 10am and get in to her city about 3pm (about 5 hours total with layover)vs 20+ hours driving with her mother and siblings.  This way, she doesn't have to get up ungodly early, makes the flight, is home in time for dinner, get ready for school and chill out for a few hours.

Ex called.  She is throwing a FIT!!! She said if SD is not there when she comes to get her on 1/31 (3 days before the court ordered visitation is to end) she will bring the police.

Should we cave in and have SD ready on the 31st or should we stay firm and let her know this is all court ordered and she is violating it?  What can the police do?  We have copies of the court order, the 2 calendars and plane ticket.  We had plans to go out of town to visit family for the New Years.  Not sure what to do?  She is definately ruining the holiday.

Any advice??
Thanks,
Lynn

[lucky]

This is what I would do:

Call her bluff and tell her that you are CO to have sd AND you have proof that you are supposed to have sd till Jan 2nd.  Then tell her that you are proceeding with your plans accordingly and don't change your plans.  

It might not be a bluff, but again, you have proof that you are supposed to have her and that SHE is the one violating the CO.  If she brings the police, make sure to get the officer's name(s) and request that they file a report.  That way, even if she "wins", you'll have hard proof that she violated the CO.

[em]Lucky

Lead your life so you wouldn't be ashamed to sell the family parrot to the town gossip.
- Will Rogers[em]

[awakenlynn]

Well we are definately going to call the local police department and sheriff's office and see what they say.  We are supposed to go out of town, so I plan to leave a copy of the court order, both calendars (school and district) and a copy of the ticket for the officer on the front porch.  I will include a letter with our cell phone for the officer to call if need be.

Ex called just yelling and yelling.  We got it on tape, our attorney told us we could, both IA and TX are one party states.  We will send it to him to have professionally transcribed.  But that will show her emotional state to the judge when she doesn't get her way.  LOL, attorney's secretary  transcribed the meeting when ex and her attorney appeared in his office and she threw her fit.

Ex's next threat was that she would not be at the airport to pick SD up, then what happens?  I guess I need to call the airline and find out their procedures, just in case.  I'll email too, but I won't get the response in writing in time for this.

Thanks, you made me feel alittle better.

[lucky]

She's refusing to pick up her own daughter???  Do you have THAT on tape?  That would be priceless in court I would think.

[em]Lucky

Lead your life so you wouldn't be ashamed to sell the family parrot to the town gossip.
- Will Rogers[em]

[MixedBag]

EX#3 too dealt with an EX who would say she wouldn't be at the airport to do a pick up.

IMHO -- I would not return her as BM is demanding.  SD already lost one day with Dad.

If you're going out of town, I'd leave a copy of the stuff with the desk at the police department for their information.

How far away is BM from the airport?

I'd give SD a cell phone (maybe a cheap trac phone) or a calling card to use IF BM doesn't show up with all important phone numbers.    But I bet BM will be there no matter how much she calls and screams on the phone.

At 14, I believe SD will not be considered an unaccompanied minor UNLESS the parent pays the fee anyways and declares the child as an unaccompanied minor.

And I believe most airlines will put the child back on the plane to the origination point on the next available flight IF the proper adult is not there to pick up the child.  (It's in the fine print).

While all 6 of the kids I dealt with were unaccompanied minors at one point or another, I never had a situation where the parent wasn't there to pick up the child.  ONCE I was flying in to Atlanta and arrived about an hour after my girls.  However, the girls knew this and so did the airlines because I made them make a note in the electronic record.  They took the girls to the employee break room where I picked them up.

[mistoffolees]

It's not really relevant to the question you're asking (others have already given advice on that), but personally, I try to avoid the short layover flights - especially during the holidays.

It may seem that a 1 hr 15 min layover is better for SD than a longer one, but with the state of air travel today, it doesn't take much of an upset for that time to disappear in a hurry. And if her incoming flight is delayed and she misses the connection, getting rebooked on another flight is extremely difficult around the holidays.

Better to have her spend a little more time in the airport with a longer connection, IMHO.

At 14, she's also traveling as an unaccompanied minor. You pay the $75 fee (depending on airline) and the airline is supposed to escort her from the arrival gate to the departure gate which provides a bit more security. You (and she) may be comfortable with skipping the service, but it's available if you wish.

[MixedBag]

Mist -- don't know if your kids ever have to fly, BUT

Most airlines treat kids as unaccompanied minors until the age of 12.

After that, they are just plain minors travelling on their own and a parent may CHOOSE to pay the fee and declare them as unaccompanied minors.

You make it sound like they have to pay the fee and treat her that way.  And I just want to clarify.

[awakenlynn]

Ok, we are in IA, and ex lives in TX.  Her family is in IL about 3 hours away.  Ex needs to leave IL on the 1st and will drive 2 days to get back to TX.  The airport that SD would be flying into is about an hour away from her house.

So its like this.  Ex drove up on the 21st (that's why SD couldn't make her flight) and was in IL by noon on the 22nd, so if she reverses that and does her long drive on the 1st, she will be to her home by noon and will have time to take a break before going to pick her daughter up at the airport.  I KNOW this is alot of driving for her, but this is what she CHOOSE and you know as the ex its not something she could have called and discussed to make a decision that is best for SD.  If we had known, we would have had SD fly into Dallas, which would have been on the route home.

If we allow ex to pick up SD on the 31st, we lose 3 days with her, plus which includes the holiday.  The court order says we get the entire break and we pay for the transportation, of which we did.  

See ex wanted to go to court in Sept, but hubby was laid off the week before and the court date was delayed.  Ex wanted the Christmas holiday broke in half, which is generally standard in TX.  So this is her way of getting it without the court order.  If she had been patient and nice, she would have known at court that starting in 2008, we were willing to split the holiday in half, since there are only 3 years left of visitation before SD turns 18.

The airline we go with (and will only put the SD on this airline by mutual agreement) has a child be an unaccompanied minor until 15yrs and then you can voluntarily do it until the child is 18.  Ex told SD the first time she flew on a layover that she would be all alone and no one would be with her once she turned 15, that we would be too cheap to pay the fee.  It took alot of talking for SD to listen, that we would ALWAYS pay for SD to be an unaccompanied minor on EVERY flight until she was 18.  That was NON-Negotiable.

SD already has a cell phone, that mom bought and pays for (somehow without a job), so that isn't a problem.  We call every 15min-1/2 hour to make sure she is ok.  

The airline will put the child back on the airline to return here if no one is there to pick SD up.  And yes, it is on tape that ex said she wouldn't be there.  SD asked what would happen if mom wasn't there.  And no, we didn't bring that up, that was one of her questions.  She was alittle upset that the airlines would return her here because she would miss school and her friends.  We have told her it wouldn't be permanent and we could speak to the school if need to be to catch her up until it could be settled.  But what happens truly if ex wasn't there?  I mean I know SD would be returned, but then what?  What position are we in?

I like the idea of dropping the papers off at the police station.  I might do that instead of leaving them on the porch.  What would the police do?  What can they do?  I don't want my husband arrested, I don't want SD to be put in the middle, which is what ex is doing.  Does it make us look bad, does it make ex look bad?

SD was SO looking forward to having this Christmas break here and having the entire 12 days with her dad and siblings and friends up here.  We are trying to keep it all from her.  But she's 14, its not easy to keep the tension hidden.  Our holiday feels not ruined, but hurt I guess.  We have the family complete for such a short time.

Thank you.

[awakenlynn]

At one time there was a flight that had a 40-min layover and we had the same concerns.  We definately pay for the unaccompanied minor fee to ensure she is never alone.  It gives her someone to talk to at the very least.

As with missing the connections, the this airline will tend to hold a flight if possible if they know that an unaccompanied minor will be making the connecting flight.  SD has done a 3 hour layover before and that was too long.  So this is the one in the middle at 1 hr and 15 min.  We let her know the time will go fast, if there's enough time she can hit the bathroom, hit McDonalds and board the other flight.  No terminal changes so the planes are in the same area and no luggage except carryon, so she is pretty movable when the time comes.

Thanks.

[awakenlynn]

Ex called.  She is so willing NOT to let SD fly home she said she would meet us at the airport at the scheduled flight time in order not to let SD board.  

We refused to change our plans on the 31st.  SD is involved with the family party and did not want to take that away from her.  My husband and I talked and realized that if ex ran up here to make sure SD did not make the flight then there would be no way that ex would get SD back to TX in time to start school on the 3rd.  So we compromised, didn't really want to of course, but knew it was in SD's best interest.  We will be letting ex know she can pick SD up on the 1st at 1pm.  I have gone to mapquest and printed our for ex, the driving directions straight from our city to her home.  Ex is fussing because that won't let her stop back at her parent's home, but that isn't really relevent to SD.  The drive time is only an hour and a half extra, if she leaves straight from us, she'll make it no problem!

We are afraid that ex will decide to keep SD out of school and wait to drive down on the 5th and think that is more than likely the reason why ex won't be at the TX airport to pick up SD.

So we are writing up one of the denial of visitation letters for ex to sign since she agreed we could make up the time this summer.  Since we are going to court soon, we will make sure it is part of the new court order.  We are also billing ex for the plane ticket we lost and will aske the attorney about the plane ticket from 2005 where she pulled a simiar stunt.

Am I missing anything?  What do I do if I find out she choose not to go home to get the children in school?  Not so much the fact that SD will be missing school as mother has custody, I know she can do that, but that she chose to disrupt our visitation in order to gain SD 2 days early?

Thanks