MAJOR SCHOOL PROBLEMS.

[tharper001]

Well, in spite of the court dates that we have scheduled in June, we got some great news for us... terrible news for my 11 year old SD.  

Just received school documents from her current school.  Since 1998, we have maintained the school records.  She has generally been consistent with B's and C's, some D's -- this is not acceptable to us, but what can we do when we only have her 20% of the time -- let's hope this changes very soon!

Anyway, since she has been in this school (her first year in middle school) -- she began in this school in November, after being forced out of the charter school she attended at the beginning of the year for lack of CP's involvement and a great big scene that the CP made.... SHE HAS BEEN ABSENT OR TARDY 42 TIMES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  42 FREAKIN' TIMES............. WITH MOST BEING UNEXCUSED.

What a tragedy that this CP is allowed to continue to raise her child without supervision, and we still have to jump through hoops just to get a court date!  It's absolutely ridiculous.  And, the dates in June don't even cover the custody issue... it cover's the mother firing her attorney and the father requesting psychiatric evaluation.  I hope we have this young girl before the start of the next school year.  So that we can give her half a chance at succeeding in life.

[junglechicken]

Parents here get investigated when kids have more than, I think, 3 or 5 unexcuses absences.

The school or the school board should be doing something about that - I'd find out what, if anything.  Check their website.  There may be a policy.

[Stepmom0418]

We have had the same kind of problem with SS. DH contacted the superintendent of the school and he investigated our concerns and then did a referal to the truency officer. I dont know what state you are in but you may want to check out the laws about Truency. Where we are a child has to be present in school a certain amount of days or the child is considered Truent! Now of course we are also running into some problems getting the Truency Officer to take action as the SS is still missing school but at least DH did do his part and made the situation known and is still trying to insure his son is in school! Now it is up to BM to get SS to school. (The truency officer is now saying that it is too late in the year to persue anything) Good Luck and check into those laws!

[StPaulieGirl]

Is the child having problems with the school?  My goal, when we move (we're currently residing in the house I grew up in-which is to be sold by a probate auction), is to homeschool my youngest.  Starting last year, she beat your kid in absences and tardies, hands down :-(  Several times this has been my fault.  I suffer from insomnia, and occasionally fall asleep, only to wake up and it's 10 am.  She spends the day doing her homework and reading assignments, but it isn't enough.

My girl hates going to school, and my 16 yr old is on home studies.  For such a "good school"  there are a lot of miserable little kids.  It's not just mine.  It's too bad the CP couldn't deal with charter school. They are an excellent alternative to the public zoo system.  I've posted about this situation here in the past.  

If possible, talk to your SD and ask her how she likes her school, and what would help her improve her attendance and grades.

Good luck.  I hope you all can find a solution to this problem.

[tharper001]

My SD got in the 92 and 93 percentile on her 4th grade FCAT.  She is a very bright little girl.  And yes, she probably hates school now -- because she is being raised to think that she doesn't have to do what other people say (i.e. teachers).  She's also being raised to say things like she's late because the school's clocks are 5 minutes fast and that she runs on Eastern Standard Time.  

The problem is she doesn't do her homework, because she is left home alone many times -- from the time school lets out until sometimes as late as midnight and even later.  And no, the police won't do a damn thing... it's not illegal.  So the kid doesn't do her assignments, she's never been made to stick to a schedule to do her homework or study.  On every single report card that we have since 1998, there is a mention of her not getting along with others, not getting assignments done, talking too much in class, etc.  That's because of the way she's being raised.  Not to mention her being late and absent -- that really teaches her responsibility doesn't it.

Hopefully the courts will do a psychiatric evaluation and take a look at the school grades, and then they do this on my husband -- and the psychiatrist makes it clear to the judge that there is no question where the child needs to be raised from now on.  

For your child, what about a Sylvan learning system?  These are great programs to help children that may not like school.  

Best of luck to you.  Thanks.

[StPaulieGirl]

Lol, the clocks are 5 minutes fast?  Mine is getting better about not dragging her feet getting ready for school.  They've just finished testing, so I don't have the results for that yet.  I had to allow them to test her for learning disabilities.  There were none, but she's been diagnosed as having severe depression.  I absolutely refuse to drug her.  I got suckered into that with my son.  There was no benefit in feeding him Celexa and Paxil.

My youngest didn't have a problem until last year.  The teachers keep saying that she doesn't do her homework, but I sit here helping her learn what her spelling words mean on a nightly basis.  Seriously, how do you expect a child to fill in the blank, when no one told them the meaning of the word?  She is careless about putting the homework in her backpack.  I've cleaned under the couch and found papers from months ago.  

So where is this child's mother?  Is she working, and can't afford child care? Why doesn't she work while the child is in school?   I don't understand how you can leave a child that age alone for that many hours, and not have a problem with the cops.  In CA, it is illegal to leave a child unsupervised.  It sounds like she's acting out regarding not getting along with others.  Have you observed "passive aggressive" behavior?  My kids drive me nuts with that.

Sylvan is a good program.  I think that in my daughter's situation, she would do well in a homeschooling or charter program.  It will take some effort on my part, but I've been looking at the success stories from parents that homeschool, and I think it's worth it.  Universities are starting to actively recruit homeschooled kids.  Look up "Heritage Girls" on google.  It's a great alternative to Girl Scouts, but several women and I noticed how hard it is to start a troop.  I have the site bookmarked, anyway.  Just in case you and your husband are interested...

It sounds like your stepdaughter's mother needs a psychiatric evaluation.   For her own good, as well as her daughter's.   If she refuses to cooperate, then maybe you should be raising that girl.

Good luck to you, too :-)

[tharper001]

Well, the child's mother -- first of all -- works at a bar/restaurant.  From an ex-boyfriend however, that work is a maximum of 3 days a week.  This ex-boyfriend has agreed to cooperate with us and does he have some stories to tell.  I tell you, the woman is wacked.

Last week, the child lied about her mother not being home.  The mother is a very irresponsible person anyway.  I know that my SD gets herself ready for school while the mother is still in bed.  Probably from being out so late the night before... that's why the child is late all the time.  My husband thought he'd call the child on being home alone -- we can tell without asking, he just wanted to see if she would lie.  When she's home alone, she talks without hesitation and carries on a conversation.  When her mother's home, she gives very short answers and can't wait to get off the phone.  So, my husband had actually spoken with the ex-boyfriend to see if he would be willing to talk to our attorney early that evening.  He happened to call back around 9:30 pm just to let us know that our daughter was definitely home alone.  My husband called her around 9:45 pm and told her he needed to speak to her mother.  She came up with she's in the shower.  My husband said okay, I'll wait for her.  Then she stuttered again and said she'd stepped out of the house.  This went on for about five different excuses.  Finally my husband told her that he knew she was home alone (didn't tell her how he knew) and asked where her mother was.  She was out to dinner with a friend.  We got in the truck and began to travel the 1.5 hours to where they live -- just to see what time she would actually come in.  He told his daughter that he would keep calling until he knew the mother was home.  We stopped about 5 miles from their home to get gas and there were some officers in the parking lot.  We chatted with them and explained the situation -- AND THERE IS NOTHING TO DO EXCEPT REPORT TO THE DCF...

Anyway, finally at 11:50, the mother answered the phone so we turned around and headed home.

The mother is irresponsible.  She is dating a drunk.  And the child is left home alone with him too.  

The child does poorly in school because there is no one at all to supervise her homework or her assignments or to encourage her to follow the rules, listen to the teachers and get good grades.  When she's not with us, we can't force that to happen.  All we can do is continue to communicate with the school so they at least know we're interested.

Oh, and the charter school -- the mother ended up getting escorted off the school grounds because of a scene she created.  We know her to a tee -- and took bets on how long my SD would actually stay in that school.  And both of us were pretty darn close -- she lasted 3 months.

We have an A school (A for three years) just 2 miles away from us.  My husband works out of the house, and I work from 8 to 5.  That child is never left alone at our house except for every great once in a while... and that is when we get up early, I go to the grocery store and my husband goes to the gym... we both have our cell phones and are both generally back within 2 hours--before she even gets out of bed.  And I can't remember the last time we did that.  But we certainly would never go out to dinner until late at night while she sat at home for hours by herself.

Some people just amaze me.  And the court system amazes me more that we must go through this mumbo jumbo when there is a mile-wide line between our stable home and the mother's unstable lifestyle (moving all the time, changing schools without our knowledge, a list of live-ins, changing jobs all the time, a terrible driving record, etc., etc.).

[Troubledmom]

Tharper,
        Look into the school districts policies for absences and tardies. Generally somewhere around 10 unexcused there are legal consequences to either the child or the parent or both.
        This link has information on each states truancy laws. You may also check into step daughters district laws which may be stricter than the state laws. Additionaly you may want to look into DCFS's laws regarding Parental Educational Neglect.
         Although you may not want those agencies to interfer, having the codes/laws that cover what you are dealing with in the petition helps show the Judge there are legal ramifications to the child's educational neglect.

Good Luck
TM

[tharper001]

Unfortunately, we have had no luck whatsoever with the department that is supposed to protect our children.  In the six years that I have been with my husband, we have made reports to DCF regarding the child staying home alone, the child living in a house with a man of whom the mother had an active restraining order on, the child not doing well in school, etc...

WE HAVE NEVER BEEN VISITED BY ONE OF THESE OFFICERS.  WE HAVE NEVER BEEN INTERVIEWED BY ANY OF THESE OFFICERS.  

We are told that if the parent feels the child is mature enough to stay home alone, then that is their call.  EXCUSE ME... DOESN'T THIS CHILD HAVE TWO PARENTS -- AND NOT JUST ONE!!!!!!!!

I believe that the truancy department will not get involved unless the absences are 10 days in a row.  The child has had 36 tardies/absences since November... that's averaging about once every 3 days.  I'm sorry, but I don't care what the district considers "excessive".  THIS IS EXCESSIVE AND INEXCUSABLE!  And I just talked to Truancy -- only absences can get someone into court.  The main problem with this child is her being late to school.

The courts and the schools are just about useless when it comes to a father trying to save his daughter's life.  I wonder if our court date at the end of June will actually make the mother undergo psychiatric evaluation.  With the documentation and information that we have on this mother, and with the witnesses that we can provide, they better make her undergo this evaluation.  My husband is willing to undergo any evaluation that he may need to so that it doesn't look like we're "picking" on the poor, single mother -- that is so rude and vulgar it's ridiculous.  We are just sooooo irritated with the courts and at how slow the process is.  That ought to be a crime in itself.  

Thanks for the info.  Good luck to you.

[StPaulieGirl]

That's pretty bad when the ex bf agrees to cooperate with you.  Is he honestly concerned, or does he have an axe to grind?

My concern is that there is someone in the neighborhood watching this go on.  I don't want to scare you, but there are maps you can look up on the internet showing if there are any convicted sex offenders in the area.  I debated with myself about answering this reply, but school could be your last worry.  Can she defend herself against crackheads looking for something to steal?  If the drunk bf is there, a criminal will think twice before trying to break in.  It's better than nothing.

When it comes down to succeeding in school, attitude is the most important part.  You can come from a bad home and make a great life for yourself.  Oprah did it.  Lots of people have.  It's attitude.  You can go to the worst schools in the state, and overcome bad teaching and enviroment.  Your stepdaughter's mother isn't doing her any favors by not taking an interest in her daughter's schoolwork.

From what you've been saying, she's better off with you.  One thing though, you can lead a horse to water but you can't make them drink...