George, what the hell were you thinking?

[john5739]

Yes, a few and some have recovered and some have not.  I have some knowledge about substance abuse from knowing hard core addicts, from courses, reading and my own therapy due to my mother.  I'm not completely ignorant on the subject, but I don't pretend to be an "expert" in any way.

I'm always open to learning more and I hope other people keep an open mind too.

[kiddosmom]

I also have very close experience with this issue.
People on drugs do not care about others, they care about where the next fix is coming from.
I do have an open mind, and the few people who are able to kick taking drugs good for them, it is a habit they have to fight to stay away from the rest of their lives.
but you know what? During the process of kicking that habit, they are just as dangerous to children as when they were taking the drugs, sometimes worse because they become obsessed.
NO child should be around that untill the person is COMPLETELY past that.
These people have suggested putting the children in foster care, yes they may have to find a decent one, and get well.
They are not saying abandon the children to the system.
They are saying take them from the drug abusers, and child molester, get straight and get the kids back.

[Peanutsdad]

ummm, it means by the way....lol, I probably dont want to know what you thought it meant.

As far as our positions on the current issue, you have one position, I have another. Both are fueled by personal experience and are both probably quite valid. I simply chose to not place the parents needs above the childs.  You believe that the childs needs are served by treating the parent. I dont,, shrug, its simple as that. My position is get the kids safe FIRST,, then IF the parents can clean up their act,, have a go at reuniting them. If the parents cant,, leave the kids safe and let the dimwit addicts go to their inevitable end.

[john5739]

At least you think the parents should get the chance of reuniting.  If you read my original post too, I think you'll find that I said the kids should be with a third party until she cleans up.  I don't believe that children should indescriminately be left with currently using parents.  So, I think we do agree on few things, do you believe it?(lol)


I'm glad that BTW doesn't mean "Bite the Wien.."   I should think before getting mad and writing.  Again, I'm sorry.

[kiddosmom]

----If you read my original post too, I think you'll find that I said the kids should be with a third party until she cleans up.----

Well, you just agreed with everyone else also. That is what everyone suggested, in their own words.

Noone mentioned other family members, and without those the system is all that is left.

OH! and yes BTW means "by the way" if you need to know any shorthand just ask lol, we will let you know :)

[john5739]

If you read my original post, I never advocated for her to be using and maintaining custody.  I wanted her to try and find a responsible relative, or anyone with some healthy connection with these children, to take them in until she recovered.  

I do not think she should have custody while using over another more healthy environment for the children, but I do believe that almost anything is better than being sexually abused which is the case right now.

I also believe that sometimes when a mother who could be helped loses custody she may then give in to the addiction even more out of hopelessness and never recover.  I know that if my mom had recovered, I would have benefitted so much from it.  I do realize that only she can do this though.

[john5739]

From now on I will ask about the shorthand before I reply!  Now it's making me laugh, I just wish I wouldn't have attacked so harshly.  These are such emotional issues, I tend to come across hard edged at first, but hang in there with me, I do admit it when I'm wrong (usually).

[john5739]

No and thank you for answering those questions, especially about the drug terminology.  I can't remember, did I ask you if you were a drug addict?  I'm sorry if I did because it's none of my business.

[Peanutsdad]

John

If a parent is going to give in to the temptation due to "losing" custody,, then they dont need custody to begin with. If its not that reason, it will be another, and another and another. Dont you see that? The child/ren cannot be a reason here, it has to come from the addict themselves.

With or without the kids, an addict can only get clean for themselves, and sTAY clean for themselves. Otherwise we simply reinforce a cycle of abuse, get straight, codependance, and get hooked again.

Until that parent can show a court they are clean and have stayed that way,, kids stay in foster care. Problem is,, most addicts cant stay straight. We court order people into treatment all the time,, how long do they stay straight? Til release. I would prefer to spend all that wasted money on the foster care system and improve the lives of the kids.

[kiddosmom]

We are all emotional about these issues, we have all experienced them in one form or another :)
You have to look at a posters responce from several point of views, most are saying the same things, they just find different words to respond with.

We all also believe the saying:

 "I may not agree with what you say, but I would fight to the death for your right to say it"

 I go that off the movie 'The American President'