I can't believe I'm admitting this but...

[kitten]

So young to be shriveled up and bitter...

[Arwyn]

I happen to agree. I think what your wife did was right on, to many SM's try to take over and mother the child and what you wife did is make you step up to the plate and be a dad.  Well, you can't do that w/out the mom and you managed to shove her our.  I think your wife is right that your dd needs her mom, not someone who isn't her mom.  

So, I think you need to give your dd back to her mom asap.  Get a decent visitation schedule set up for you.  And I hope that your ex will forgive you for what you have done, and I think you should apologize to her.

This is sad, so sad.  I feel for your little girl and hope someday she will forgive you for this!

[Raisin_3]

But that is your choice- not mine.  

I really do wish the best for your little girl.  Hopefully you wont delay much longer and will let her go home.

[Kelly45]

I have tried to read all the responses to your post but may have gotten lost a few times!

The time for pointing fingers/blaming/anger/and any other emotion that is not productive for your daughter is over.  Enough.  You have admitted to a big error in judgment . . . not an easy thing to do, and you have definitely had your public flogging.  So lets put the whips away and fix the problem.

1.  Please, PLEASE help this little girl who cannot help herself.  That is why YOU are the parent.  Parents are allowed to make mistakes - although we all strive to make as few as possible.  We are human.  I am not excusing what you did, why you did it, or judging you for it.  I am simply asking you to NOW DO WHAT IS RIGHT FOR YOUR DAUGHTER.

I am putting myself in your ex-wifes position and assuming she wants her daughter back - - - and if you and she know this is where your daughter will be happiest then DO IT IMMEDIATELY.  

AND MAKE IT SO THAT SHE CAN FINANCIALLY AFFORD TO RAISE THIS LITTLE GIRL.  You have stated that you have 'the good life', then for no other reason than for your daughter and the mother of your child - do the right thing.  

If necessary, consult a child psychologist or similar individual who can help you ALL through this process.

What happened is over.  Everyone, including you, your ex-wife, current wife, and so on. . . can continue to beat the subject and each other up, but the fact is that it is HISTORY and you cannot change the past, just fix the future.

We all make choices and I doubt that any of us has a 100% track record of winning - I wouldn't be positing on a divorce forum if my record had been perfect.  

I hope this helps.  Take care of that little 4-year old gift you have been given and make her world right.  She will love you for it when she is old enough to understand.

Good luck.
Liza32

[bigsigh2004]

It takes a BIGGER man to stand up and admit he can't handle something than sit there and try to muddle through it.

Let me guess, you tend to get hopelessly lost instead of asking for directions - what you think a MAN is...falls hopelessly short in my book.

You best watch who you call a "chump".

At the time I won custody, my wife was in and out of a hospital. She wasn't mentally THERE for my daughter. Guess who the hell advised me to go after custody based on the facts back then? Yeah, THIS place. Guess where I got my lawyer referal from. BINGO.

Why do I get the feeling you may have been one of the BIG pushers in it.

My ex is doing much better now, and with that she is a much more capable parent than I EVER have been. I'm not afraid to admit she is better than me.

Why do I get the feeling you have never, in your life either admitted you were wrong, or ever apologized to someone you have wronged.

Stay off my string.

[bigsigh2004]

never much cared for prunes - muchless raisins in the first place.

My daughter won't go near a raisin. She thinks it looks like animal poop.

[bigsigh2004]

exactly.

That is why I won't just hand her over, as some of the posters here seem to think I should do.

There were two sides to the divorce and two sides to why it got ugly, she did her fair share, so I know what she is capable of.

All I want, all I have ever wanted, was what was best for my DD.

[bigsigh2004]

that identified.

Thanks.

[bigsigh2004]

I won't give her back until there is a signed visitation schedule in place, among other provisions.

Think my wife went by the old "this is going to hurt me more than it is going to hurt you" addage when she did what she did. People are treating this like she did it from the get go, which is no where near fact.

I talked to a child psych today, just on the phone but gave a general overview. She seems to think based on a good hour and a half conversation that my daughter isn't going to suffer any emotional harm, it is more like an extended vacation for her than anything, provided my ex doesn't turn around and deny my time with her. As I have never denied her.

So we'll see...

Letter is almost perfected.

[Raisin_3]

Of a few hours to write something up and sign it.  If your ex is not willing to let you see your d when you are willing to hand over custody then your d probably should not go with her to begin with.  Do you realize how happy this would make most NCP?  Most would take it that minute.

*Would you, raisin, hand your child over to your ex without something signed & sealed assuring you of your rights?*

No, but I wouldn't keep delaying it either.  Since you havent even talked to your ex you dont know how she will react and you are expecting the worse from her.  You have admitted she is a good mom so why wouldn't she do right by her d?

Counseling is a good idea.  I think it will really help you.