I can't believe I'm admitting this but...

[bigsigh2004]

mom is very healthy. I basically feel like we need to do a total role reversal. What HER schedule is fits better to what I should have, and could be a good parent during.

I don't look at it as giving up anything if it makes my daughter happy. I can't get hung up on *my* time and *her* time.

I want to go back to how it was when we first were getting divorced. The temp agreement we had worked well. Everyone was happy with it until I got a bug lodged up my hindquarters.

I just tried to call her now (feeling a tad bold) and was promptly hung up on. Isn't she going to kick herself when I tell her what I was trying to call about, huh?

[bigsigh2004]

oh, my wife didn't want to hurt my daughter's feelings. It was pretty much the only way (since she tried everything else) to get the message through my rather thick skull that I was an ass to both my ex and my little girl. I explained the situation better in further posts.

My choice won't cost me my daughter, it will hopefully gain me a better parenting relationship with my ex in the long run.

[katz]

My husband is just like you. Not to sound like a martyr or anything, but had he had a choice in the matter, and not had someone stepping up to the plate for his daughter, there is no way in heck he should have custody of his daughter. In fact the whole reason him and I met is from an ad he placed in the paper for a nanny. At the time he was left with 2 kids, one of which was a 18 month old baby, who my husband had no idea how to take care of. Therefore he hired a live in nanny, and well I guess the rest is history.

This doesnt make him a bad father, or you for that matter. We all do what we can, it just so happened that my husband found the help he needed right away, otherwise my sd would probably be raised by her grandma or something right now. Some fathers arent cut out for that part of child rearing, and some mothers arent cut out for it either.

Your new wife is simply what I have seen called "disengaged", and I dont blame her for that. It was probably the best thing she could of ever done, it gives you the side of parenting you hadnt seen yet. Babbling now but I do wish you the best of luck, and I understand you situation a bit.

[bigsigh2004]

**So what if your ex thinks "ha! now he is giving her back because he can't handle parenthood! serve him right!"**

LOL yeah, I suppose with everything in a way she kinda deserves to feel that way...

I never tried to turn my daughter against her mom, and mom knows, recognizes and has said she appreicates that. I guess I just worry that she might do it to me after all is said and done.

Then again that is just another bridge to cross if I come to it and it isn't even in binocular site yet.

[Raisin_3]

According to your post your new wife is the reason you were rushing through the divorce.  You didn't have to take custody, you didn't have to fight for it.  YOU didn't want it.

Sounds like a bad relationship to begin with if you had never discussed the possibility of your d coming to live w/ you and her feelings and your expectationt to do nothing and have her raise your child.

[Raisin_3]

Not all CP fathers expect their wives to raise their children.  WHERE WERE you when you were married to your ex that you dont know how to soothe her?

My dh is CP dad.  HE does most of the raising of my ss.  I help him alot- but I want to do that.  He had ss w/ him before he ever met me.  Not every remarried man thinks like you do.  Some want to be a father.

[Raisin_3]

Jeez.  It isn't hard.  If she hangs up- send a letter.  I highly doubt if she knew you were offering to give her her d back she would react poorly.  You step up and explain your feelings and ask her if she is willing to work out some type of an agreement with you.  Increase her overnights to 4 a week and then to whatever you agree to after that.  If she is seeing d now it should not be hard on your d.  It is probably what she wants.

[DecentDad]

Ha, yeah, you reap what you sew.

She'll be spitting bullets at you for quite a while, given what you've put she and your daughter through.  But that too can be healed with time.

Maybe leave her a message when you know she's not there, saying you'd like to talk about changing the schedule in a way that's better for daughter.

Then she won't hang up on you next time.

I was falsely accused and ended up in jail.  In the past three years, my ex conjured 150 to 200 allegations against me, varying in gravity.  I ended up taking a polygraph to stop a child abuse investigation before it could begin.

It all distracted the bulk of the custody litigation from the real issues.

I share that to say... if my ex came to me and said she wants to apologize and wants our daughter to spend more time with me (i.e., though it doesn't sound like I did as poorly as your ex), I'd take the extra time, get it all signed, and then still tell her to F herself for what she did during our three years of custody litigation.

It may be years before your ex feels differently.

DD

[catherine]

Is that you namecall and totally overreact.  The line "You have no business sense whatsoever. " KILLS me.  Family isn't a business.  I had a Dad who was a successful enterpreneur who made sure I wasn't wanting for things.  I appreciate that, but I wish that I had spent more quality time with him.  To me, it's the memories that count.  Your daughter is likely young enough to not remember this.

Stop insulting people who you perceive as "judging you".  I am going off of what you have said.  It's only after you received critisicism that your story has changed.

I'll leave you alone now, as there seems to be a lot of people who are more than willing to appease you.

[passem]

"How do I do this without looking like the biggest schmuck on the planet?"

Too late!