I can't believe I'm admitting this but...

[bigsigh2004]

yes, I agree, and Kitty C too.

Rasin and Cathrine can take a long walk off a short pier.

No, the court didn't find my ex-wife unfit per se. The court agreed she was is pretty bad shape mentally (but guess who put her there) but it was more the living condition at the time than that. I paid out the rear for a private home study, she had to go with whatever the state provided for her and the reports were apples and oranges. As I said in a previous post, my attorney over dramatized her reaction to the new medication, and I didn't do anything to stop him...

me? say something stupid? never =)

My wife is helping me draft a letter to my ex. I think that is probably the best route to go. I think I only called just because I knew she wouldn't talk to me, it was a "guy guts" move.

I really want to stress to my ex that it was my wife who helped me understand who the better full time parent would be, in hopes my ex might at least TRY to get along with my wife and my wife says I shouldn't say anything like that. Opinion?

[bigsigh2004]

hey, if you want to see it through a bitter pair of bifocals, be my guest.

At the time, she wasn't being the best parent, I wasn't so sure she'd snap out of the downward spiral she was going into so on the advice of A LOT of people, including my lawyer, I acted on it.

My ex pulled herself up by the bootstraps, and I admire her for that, now I question if my choice to gain custody was impulsive or not but it could be me doing that made the difference between my ex staying in a funk or getting back to who she was. No one will ever know.

The point is, when she is healthy, she is the more nurturing parent who has the most time to provide for our child. She has more patience and she is female so she understand our daughter's needs better.

Not once did I EVER say I'd NEVER have to deal with my child when it came to my new wife, I expected her help. My wife feels the "first responders" to a child should be the biological parents. She will play back up only when either my ex or I can't take care of something and only then, and only if my ex agrees to her helping. I can respect that.

Now get the hell off my ass and my string. I'm doing what is best for my daughter the best way I know how you shriveled up prune.

[bigsigh2004]

*Nicole*, I was only stooping down to your and catherine's level so that you could better understand that you are NOT WORTH MY OR ANYONE ELSE'S TIME.

Advesarial & insulting seem to be the only languages the two of you speak.

[bigsigh2004]

#1 - never said I didn't want my child, through the 7 month journey she has been here I have come to realize how hard it is to parent, admire my ex's ability at it (when she is not going through a rough time) and want to give my daughter the best of both of us. I give my best to her on weekends, holidays and vacation time. Sometimes, you have to suck it up to the fact that that is the life hand you are dealt. Not everyone is cut out to be a full time parent, I tried, I gave it a valiant effort, but my ex wife is just plain BETTER at it than I am. Why put my child through the hell of my learning process, oir expect my wife to pick up my slack when she already has a "seasoned professional" she can be taken care of by?

#2 - You give step mothers a worse name by being such a bit*h, you need to take some lessons from my wife. I think most biological mothers would kill to have a step mom in the picture who is more in tune with the mom's side than adamantly standing by the husband, just because she is married to him. That describes my wife. She is neutral, and calls it like she sees it, even if it means calling me on my big mistakes.

#3 - um, wasn't that the intent of my original post? To find a way to send my daughter back in the easiest transition possible?

[BusyMom]

You can't make your ex see that your wife helped you figure this out.  

It is going to take time for this to play out....you just have to be patient and hope for the best in the long run.

I agree with your wife...don't even bring her into it.  This is about you, your ex and your DD....your wife is right.

[passem]

She also knows her own emotional limitations and isn't afraid to admit them.  I like that!

Mike

[bigsigh2004]

Dammit. She always is. =)

[Raisin_3]

Have nothing to do with the child.  That poor girl must feel the love as she sits there and cries and you dont know what to do and your wife refuses to help.

I have helped raise my ss since he was 3 b/c unlike your daughter he does not have a loving mom to do so.

What is so hard about just sending her back?  It has only been 7 months, she still sees her mom.  I cannot figure out what the problem is.  She is going to get a lot more love and attention there.  Call her mom and talk to her.  If she hangs up call and leave a message.  Once she hears what it is about she will take your call.  If she doesn't then maybe you would need to reconsider sending your d back there.

[Raisin_3]

I didn't call you a name did I?

I truly do think it is a good thing that you want to do right by your d.  But this is rocket science.  Just tell her mom and switch custody.  It hasn't been that long, she is 4 and she will be happier getting love and attention from someone.  

[StPaulieGirl]

I appreciate your honesty.  Your wife seems like a smart woman.  I've read through all the follow up replies and it seems like she is looking out for the best interests of your little girl.  

Okay, your ex wife is not speaking to you.  Can you blame her?  Have you considered hiring an attorney to speak with her?  You're going to need one anyway.  How about a mutual friend, or perhaps a member of her family?  

I don't know her financial or living situation, but if you can afford it, you could make things better for your ex wife and little girl.  You'll be paying child support, but perhaps you could help the ex move into a larger place.  If 50/50 won't work, then make sure you outline a liberal visitation plan.  Have you thought about this?  The little one isn't in school yet.  If your ex is working, she's going to have to arrange for childcare.  Is this good for your girl right now?  

Like I said, I appreciate your honesty.  Not many people can admit to being wrong.  Righting this situation will help everyone, including you.  I wish you and your family a satisfactory resolution to this situation, and most importantly, peace and harmony.