request to sparc admin

[bigsigh2004]

memory of how well I was treated and the great no-nonsense advice I got during the bad time. Do you think I enjoy having to defend myself like this instead of dealing with the REAL issue? 3/4 of my original post ened up complete baloney.

If I took what you posted wrong, my apologies. But I'm not the one to blame for this. I came looking for help for my unique situation. I asked administration to clarify I wasn't who bolivar assumed I was to try to get the nonsense to stop and get back to the real focus of my post, and peanut, there was no excuse for the attack he made on me, and encouraged others to as well by starting my post downhill in the first place.

What the hell happened to the place I came where I asked a question, got useful information in regard to it (or was just asked questions to clarify) and then that was that?

[Kitty C.]

Bo,

I've read your posts not only on this site, but another as well.  I've respected you in your opinions.....at least up to this point.  It's JMO, but I can't for the life of me figure out why you 'insist' on cornholing this guy as a double poster, referring him to someone else.

To tell you the truth, I'm getting to feel very embarrassed as to how big sigh is being treated on this board.....and I am just as guilty as anyone else.  I pitched in right from the beginning and lambasted him, based ONLY on his original post that was extremely limited in information to begin with.  We were all too quick to fry this guy, IMO.

No one wants to post really long messages, so that we don't 'bore' the readers and such.  But in keeping it short and sweet, sometimes vital information can be left out, too, as with bigsigh's case.  And we're left with making assumptions that can be completely off base.  Once he gave more information in regards to what was going on, many things became much clearer to me and I immediately apologized to him.

But I will say one thing:  If I were him, and was figuratively being pushed in a corner, I'd get extremely defensive, too.  I mean, c'mon!  Here's a guy who literally bared his soul to us, admitting mistakes (and MAJOR ones at that!) and what he considers his shortcomings as well.  All he was asking for was HOW to go about getting the mother more involved in his child's life.  He realizes that she needs her as well as she needs him, and he's not capable of doing it alone.  He had literally 'dumped' it on he new wife, and she basically told him 'Take responsibility for YOUR child'.  Thus he finally comes to the realization of the mistakes he's made and he's trying to do his damndest to make amends.

I think he also realizes that some bridges have been burned, so he's going to have to do a LOT of reconstruction as well.  He has his work cut out for him, BIG TIME.  But he came here to say he's ready and willing to do that for his child and only asked HOW.  That, to me, is being a responsible parent.

He wants his child to have BOTH parents consistently in her life.  ISN'T THAT WHAT WE ALL ARE STRIVING FOR HERE???????  He's trying to do what the moms on the 'moms without custody' board wish their exes would do!

[bigsigh2004]

I appreciate you putting your neck out on the potential chopping block for me.

right at the moment the words thank you hardly seem sufficient, but thank you none the less.

[Kitty C.]

...........I meant EVERY word of it.  I've been here for a LONG time and have seen many issues come across the plate.  I have to admit yours has a different 'spin' on it than usual, but the bottom line is the child and her having BOTH her parents in her life.  From what you've posted so far, that is EXACTLY what you are trying to achieve.  It may not be what you started out for when you divorced, but it is your goal now.  I commend you for that.

[Peanutsdad]

Bigsigh,


You've asked the people on this board how to get out of being a full time parent,, when this board is dedicated to parents who WANT to be full time parents. When you were here before, you got good advice BECAUSE  you wanted to be a parent.

Then you wonder why the outrage. You are like the guy who goes into the doctors office with a sore elbow, and asks for the limb to be amputated rather than finding a cure.


Despite the negative inputs, a lot of people GAVE you good advice here on your question.  Yes I lambasted you, and then gave you the advice you sought. Many people gave the answers you need.  You dont seem to want answers or advice, you SEEM to want validation.  If you wanted to be welcomed and cuddled for your decisions, then perhaps a site like NOW is where you should have gone.






btw, thank you for the compliments on my site. Yes, a lot of content came from sparc,, with credits on the pages. Why? Because its still good information. The site provides a needed service, thats why I developed it.

[bigsigh2004]

Yes I got great advice from a few people, and that advice I didn't dispute at all. I appreciated it, I asked further questions.  This site, from what I understand, is dedicated to the "BEST INTEREST OF THE CHILD" not just parents seeking full custody of their kids. I have found, through months of turmoil, that IN THE BEST INTEREST OF MY CHILD, she is better off full time with her now stable mother.

YOU?????!?!?! Gave me advice I needed???? Show me where! Let's review your addleheaded nasty, unproductive comments and tell me from them what exactly I could gain from it.

Let's see, yuor first bit of "advice"...

**Sorry, but best advice is dump the new wife and concentrate on being a father. It'll be a new experience for you.**

Oh yeah, I'll run right out and divorce my wife over this. Great thinking there. Just destroy yet another family over a trip to the mall my daughter didn't get to go on.

Next little peice of sage wisdom coming from a nut...

**Kitty, thats why I told him to dump the new wife and try being a parent,, its obvious he never has been. He knows what he NEEDS to do, but he wants the easy way out. Now to you the original poster:

You've "won" the custody fight,, well guess what chump,, be careful what you ask for, cuz you just might get it,,, and you did. So now, you wanna take the easy way out,, pathetic. Stand the hell up and be a man. **

Ok, so now I'm a "chump" (yeah that will gain you a hell of a lot of respect and worth of opinion there) and yeah, I did get what I was asking for, because at the time it was the BEST THING FOR MY DAUGHTER. What? Would you have rather I just left my kid with her neighbor and threw up my hands going "oh well"? I wasn't ready to be a full time parent then, but I tried to be, I did my damn best...I SUCK AT IT! Being a parent is akin to any other type of "job" out there, there are some you just are NOT qualified for.

You call this the easy way out???? You are frigging fried man. I have to go to my ex wife who hates the hell out of me, explain to why things went down the way they did, let her know I don't think she is the pond scum of the earth my lawyer did a damn good job of making her out to be and try to write up some sort of agreement THAT SHE WILL SIGN ensuring that she doesn't rip my daughter out of my life completely. All while my new wife stares down the back of my neck making sure I'm looking out for everyone.

Oh yeah, real frigging "easy" way out. Walking in a cambodian mine field is easier than what I'm setting out to do.

Okay...sage advice from you #3 (edited for fluff)

**Since the only advice you seem to want is how to avoid BEING a parent, it's quite simple,, take her to her mother and hand her over.**

Oh sure, hand her right over, no plan in place. No insurance that I get to see her on a schedule, nothing set up as far as support, just walk up to the door, no warning and plop her down. Maybe not even leave a note, how about I just pin a note to her and tell her to wait until mom gets home?

Not once not ever ONCE did I say I wanted to "avoid" being a parent. Just because I would prefer to have my daughter for quality time spent with dear old dad back the way it was when we first divorced, Weekends, and a visit during the week plus phone calls up the wazoo, does that mean I'm AVOIDING being a parent. I still have to put her to bed, I still have to help her get dressed, feed her, entertain her, occasionally dicipline her...the POINT here is that when I CAN'T BE HOME my WIFE shouldn't have to be doing WHAT I SHOULD BE. And I have come to find that after a very exhausting day of work, YES it IS hard. WHY do you think I should make MY CHILD SUFFER when she has a perfectly good AWAKE NON EXHAUSTED PARENT at home picking lint off her sweater instead of doing the things I'm not doing very well?


you then go on to say, after those three rediculous pieces of advice..

**I DID do you a favor,, I gave you the best advice you could get, you just dont want advice tho, you want validation.**

YOU?? Gave me the BEST ADVICE? huh? Sorry dude, but I think the advice I got about talking to a child therapist, writing a letter to my ex, checking into a different lawyer, discussing 50/50, looking into a phased schedule for readjusting to living with mom, making sure I have everything in writing before doing anything....THAT was good advice I got and NONE of it came from you.

What validation do I want exactly? I don't give a rats ass if you agree with what I'm doing or not. I'm looking out for my daughter. So I'm sticking out the nasty bullcrap on here for the few people who actually have brains enough to give me small bits of things to think about and potentially utilize.

I took a look at a lot of your posts Peanutsdad, and you know what, you are damn good at quoting things that SPARC has up. When it comes to REAL advice though, from the heart, experienced, thought provoking or otherwise that WASN'T written by someone else originally...YOU STINK. As a parent without the benefit of your significant other, I truly have to wonder if you actually COULD do it on your own. I think you'd find yourself just as exaspirated as I am. At least the mom in my situation is fit to parent.

I did not compliment your board, and you know it. You are taking a group of people's hard effort and dedication and trying to pass it off as your own. As if you looked very hard to find it all. YOU are the one looking for pumped up validation peanutsdad. Everyone else is doing the work you and you are taking credit for it. Oh sure, a few minor kudods you throw out there. Doesn't change the fact none of what you seem to have "accomplished" you have done on your own.

So who the hell are you to say a word to me about admitting I'm not able to be a full time parent? At least I have the "nuts" to admit it and do something about it.

Oh and by the way, on your quote at the bottom of your posts - it's spelled ADVICE.  

[Peanutsdad]

>Yes I got great advice from a few people, and that advice I
>didn't dispute at all. I appreciated it, I asked further
>questions.  This site, from what I understand, is dedicated to
>the "BEST INTEREST OF THE CHILD" not just parents seeking full
>custody of their kids. I have found, through months of
>turmoil, that IN THE BEST INTEREST OF MY CHILD, she is better
>off full time with her now stable mother.
>
>YOU?????!?!?! Gave me advice I needed???? Show me where! Let's
>review your addleheaded nasty, unproductive comments and tell
>me from them what exactly I could gain from it.
>
>Let's see, yuor first bit of "advice"...
>
>**Sorry, but best advice is dump the new wife and concentrate
>on being a father. It'll be a new experience for you.**
>
>Oh yeah, I'll run right out and divorce my wife over this.
>Great thinking there. Just destroy yet another family over a
>trip to the mall my daughter didn't get to go on.


Doesnt change the advice,, its still the same. You dont know how to be a parent, your wiff isnt interested in being a full time step parent, so instead of learning, you'll gladly be a visitor in your daughters life.
>
>Next little peice of sage wisdom coming from a nut...
>
>**Kitty, thats why I told him to dump the new wife and try
>being a parent,, its obvious he never has been. He knows what
>he NEEDS to do, but he wants the easy way out. Now to you the
>original poster:
>
>You've "won" the custody fight,, well guess what chump,, be
>careful what you ask for, cuz you just might get it,,, and you
>did. So now, you wanna take the easy way out,, pathetic. Stand
>the hell up and be a man. **
>
>Ok, so now I'm a "chump" (yeah that will gain you a hell of a
>lot of respect and worth of opinion there) and yeah, I did get
>what I was asking for, because at the time it was the BEST
>THING FOR MY DAUGHTER. What? Would you have rather I just left
>my kid with her neighbor and threw up my hands going "oh
>well"? I wasn't ready to be a full time parent then, but I
>tried to be, I did my damn best...I SUCK AT IT! Being a parent
>is akin to any other type of "job" out there, there are some
>you just are NOT qualified for.


I dont recall anywhere in the parenting manual that we all were so obviously given that it claims we have to be "ready" to be parents. I dont recall my children asking if I was "ready" to be a parent. Most adults realize that ready or not, you ARE a parent and you take what it takes to learn to do it. We dont have the option of "quitting" because we arent "ready".
>
>You call this the easy way out???? You are frigging fried man.
>I have to go to my ex wife who hates the hell out of me,
>explain to why things went down the way they did, let her know
>I don't think she is the pond scum of the earth my lawyer did
>a damn good job of making her out to be and try to write up
>some sort of agreement THAT SHE WILL SIGN ensuring that she
>doesn't rip my daughter out of my life completely. All while
>my new wife stares down the back of my neck making sure I'm
>looking out for everyone.
>
>Oh yeah, real frigging "easy" way out. Walking in a cambodian
>mine field is easier than what I'm setting out to do.


Poor you. Cry me a river.
>
>Okay...sage advice from you #3 (edited for fluff)
>
>**Since the only advice you seem to want is how to avoid BEING
>a parent, it's quite simple,, take her to her mother and hand
>her over.**
>
>Oh sure, hand her right over, no plan in place. No insurance
>that I get to see her on a schedule, nothing set up as far as
>support, just walk up to the door, no warning and plop her
>down. Maybe not even leave a note, how about I just pin a note
>to her and tell her to wait until mom gets home?
>
>Not once not ever ONCE did I say I wanted to "avoid" being a
>parent. Just because I would prefer to have my daughter for
>quality time spent with dear old dad back the way it was when
>we first divorced, Weekends, and a visit during the week plus
>phone calls up the wazoo, does that mean I'm AVOIDING being a
>parent. I still have to put her to bed, I still have to help
>her get dressed, feed her, entertain her, occasionally
>dicipline her...the POINT here is that when I CAN'T BE HOME my
>WIFE shouldn't have to be doing WHAT I SHOULD BE. And I have
>come to find that after a very exhausting day of work, YES it
>IS hard. WHY do you think I should make MY CHILD SUFFER when
>she has a perfectly good AWAKE NON EXHAUSTED PARENT at home
>picking lint off her sweater instead of doing the things I'm
>not doing very well?
>
>
>you then go on to say, after those three rediculous pieces of
>advice..
>
>**I DID do you a favor,, I gave you the best advice you could
>get, you just dont want advice tho, you want validation.**
>
>YOU?? Gave me the BEST ADVICE? huh? Sorry dude, but I think
>the advice I got about talking to a child therapist, writing a
>letter to my ex, checking into a different lawyer, discussing
>50/50, looking into a phased schedule for readjusting to
>living with mom, making sure I have everything in writing
>before doing anything....THAT was good advice I got and NONE
>of it came from you.


Reread  I said you also got good advice from others.
>
>What validation do I want exactly? I don't give a rats ass if
>you agree with what I'm doing or not. I'm looking out for my
>daughter. So I'm sticking out the nasty bullcrap on here for
>the few people who actually have brains enough to give me
>small bits of things to think about and potentially utilize.
>
>I took a look at a lot of your posts Peanutsdad, and you know
>what, you are damn good at quoting things that SPARC has up.
>When it comes to REAL advice though, from the heart,
>experienced, thought provoking or otherwise that WASN'T
>written by someone else originally...YOU STINK. As a parent
>without the benefit of your significant other, I truly have to
>wonder if you actually COULD do it on your own. I think you'd
>find yourself just as exaspirated as I am. At least the mom in
>my situation is fit to parent.


Shows what little you do actually know. I HAVE been a single parent. I work 12 hour nights, and still managed to be a parent, clean house, do the shopping, do the cooking, the cleaning, the laundry, help with homework, get my kids to school, to childcare.

You Sir, went for custody with the ASSUMPTION that new wifey would fill moms shoes. Remember typing that? You wanted custody, for your own selfish reasons, yet you didnt want the responsibility that goes with it.


I dont post on sparc for feel good comfy advice, I post the places people can find the information they need. Nowhere do I claim to be your therapist, nor anyone elses. I post as I see fit.
>
>I did not compliment your board, and you know it. You are
>taking a group of people's hard effort and dedication and
>trying to pass it off as your own. As if you looked very hard
>to find it all. YOU are the one looking for pumped up
>validation peanutsdad. Everyone else is doing the work you and
>you are taking credit for it. Oh sure, a few minor kudods you
>throw out there. Doesn't change the fact none of what you seem
>to have "accomplished" you have done on your own.


No where on the pages of my site do I claim work that is not mine. The members of my board are well aware of where I get information to post. The owner of tHIS board is well aware that  my site exists and I value what he and others have done here. I post content rather than links due to links can change over time.
>
>So who the hell are you to say a word to me about admitting
>I'm not able to be a full time parent? At least I have the
>"nuts" to admit it and do something about it.

Seems to me,, you have the "nuts" to admit you dont have any,, thats about it.
>
>Oh and by the way, on your quote at the bottom of your posts -
>it's spelled ADVICE.  


Thank you very much for the spelling leson :)
>
>
>
>
>
>

[Raisin_3]

That if you came to this site and stated you were a worthless father that did not want to take any time to spend with his daughter and were marrying a woman who did not want your daughter living with her you would not have received the same advice and useful info.  Im sure you left off all the important facts.

[Bolivar]

I respect your opinion Kitty C. .

You have helped me tremendously in my information search so I can submit a bill here in Ohio for joint custody, and your posts are fair.

I will ignore the looser "bigsigh2004".  (had to get that one last zinger in)


If "bigsigh2004" is truly a dad I will be getting down on my knees tonight to thank GOD I was given the father I have!!!!  

My dad has always been active in my life just as I have tried to be with my son.  I have been force to be a NCP and the eX has BPD.  Despite my limited time with my son, I focus totally on him.  The time we spend together is pure quality time.



SOME OF MY GENEALOGY:

All my grandparents came over on the boat and settled in Cleveland.

On my fathers side my grandmother died when my father was 6 years old and my Grandfather raised my father and his sister. That was back around the 1940's.

On my Mothers side my grandmother also died when my mom was 8 and my Grandfather raised my mom and her sister.

Back then there was a huge net work of family and friends and either father could easily have gotten married to help raising the children.  Neither father got married to help them raise the children.  My Grandfather on my fathers side did get married when my dad was 16. My Grandfather on my mothers side did get married but I forget when(mom was older).


My dad is 75 and still plays the button box/accordion – Slovenian.
My mom 77 can still speak her fathers native language- Lithuanian.

[SPARC Admin]

>Also, are profiles required? If so, I'll put one up, but I
>didn't see that it was mandatory. I didn't plan on staying
>long term as I am not one who is the best at giving advice.

Profiles are not required, they're optional.