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Shaden, I have to disagree with your commend about mediation.

In certain circumstances -- like what he has described -- mediation can still be appropriate with the addition of an advocate or professional assistance on the mother's side (in this example).  And I'm not talking about having the mom's attorney present as the "professional assistant", but someone like a counselor, social worker, or someone that mom trusts for advice more down to the personal level.  It could even be one of her parents if her relationship with them is good.

MixedBag, I believe I understand the point you are making regarding mediation, and I am glad you put this out there. I agree that bringing all parties who are important to the decision-making (and who the primary parties agree to have join the mediation) should be there, absolutely.

It's really a personal preference for the type of mediation practice.

More specifically, when providing conflict res services for families (especially regarding parenting plans) I would shy away from having a mental health professional there to advocate/counsel/guide a party with impaired mental health capacity there for several reasons.

The founding type of mediation in this country began as "facilitative," where we look for an agreement as the focus and less on the lasting relational needs. These agreements are more often suited for landlord-tenant, buyer-seller, etc. However, for helping the parties find a way to deal long-term, change the way they communicate, move through the past and the pain, a more "transformative" approach may be best. This allows for far less mediator input. Hard, very very hard to keep one's mouth shut and know when to jump in! But it's a practice that benefits the parties, the kids for more years, gets over the mountain of pain (rather than around), makes the parties directly responsible for and benefit from the hard work, and sees far more compliance than the older forms.

Truth be told, far too few "real" conflict professionals out there who are willing to take the time and do the much more difficult job of transforming these high conflicts to ongoing opportunites to heal. I think of Prometheus Bound for these couples, because the struggles are never resolved, but they're used to redefine the relationships. Some days are bad, but the good ones are worth it.

To that end, in this type of relationship mediation, an advocate would be inappropriate. However, for a short-term agreement (which, yes, may be exactly what the OP needs!), this might be considered.

CPS picked up my grandchild after an injury inflicted by a negligent mother, how can I get temporary custody of her until a determination has been made on the case?

Whatever your gender or familial relationship (this is not indicated in your post), please know that well-wishers here believe it's a great kindness you are doing for your grandchild. Again, please do keep us informed. This can't be easy for you.

Are you saying that the garnishments ended due to a court ordered modification when you stopped working, or that they stopped garnishing simply because you didn't have a paycheck to garnish? It's usually necessary to petition the court due to your change of circumstances (i.e., your loss of a job), and the order to reduce support would be retroactively dated to the date of your petition. However, if you stopped working and never contacted the child support agency, it's possible what you're seeing now are the arrears that built up during that time.

Contact CPS and notify them that you are willing and interested in having your grandchild in your home. You can also contact your local kincare agency (or grandparents as caregivers group) and ask them for guidance. Good luck, and please keep us informed!

Angus, you continue to seem open to being guided by others, and I wanted to support what gemini3 said in a very eloquent way:

"I get the sense that you feel like you "have" to fight for them because you left, and now you need to show that you really want them in your lives.  If that's the case, and you do feel you have something to prove, family court isn't the place to prove it - and a judge isn't the person you need to prove it to.  It's your children and, honestly, I hope they don't know anything about what's going on in court because that is very stressful for them.  You will be able to prove it to them by maximizing the amount of time you are able to spend with them.  It sounds like your ex is willing to do that, and kudos to her for not being vindictive."

You're on the verge of building a new foundation for you and your children. Should mom move with the children, you can be assured that your continued planning, patience and respect-building will only increase the bond you will be re-developing with your children. There are years to come where they will become excited about flying out to be with dad, and the past will not be filled with bad feelings about the court battle between their bio parents, but rather serve as a role model for them to be civil adults one day. However, the path through court will more likely give you kids who are embittered, unsettled, depressed and angry at their dad for the lack of peace in their lives.

Ask yourself, again, what do I want. And then plan the best you can to get that. Gemini3 has good advice to that end.

hello here is alittle run down,
my ex lives out of state, she has not seen our son for well over two years. has not talked to him on the telephone, sent him christmas gifts or birthday gifts. she has a history of mental issues, she was even in the mental hospital a week or two due to telling her work she was considering using my gun on my son and myself then killing herself. i filed for divorce with legal and physical custody with reasonable visitations for her. She filed a response back agreeing to the physical custody but wants joint legal, and a set visitation schedule.

My problem comes with, my son does not know her. he is 7 now and the last time she saw him he was 4 years old. she lives in Arizona, i Live in Northern california where our son was born and raised. i am afraid she would attempt to steal him, i do not trust her what so ever. She drinks quite alot and is under medication. When i talked to her about the visitation asking her what she wanted, she stated she doesn't know yet. and by the time we enter mediation she would come up with something.

My son is doing excellent in school, is advancing in karate and is very well taken care of. I have many people offering to testify and write letters in our behalf after hearing of this. I even considered his school teachers. Any and all advise or comments welcome, thank you.

You have several options. You may want to check with an attorney about: 1) filing for  temporary emergency full custody due to the threats of abduction; 2) asking for strictly supervised visitation through an agency; 3) ask the courts to mandate a psychological evaluation; 3) bring your son to a therapist who may be able to evaluate the situation on his behalf; 4) ask for full legal and physical custody, and 4) ask the courts to appoint an Attorney for the Child (Law Guardian).

Please note that mediation is not appropriate for those without the mental capacity and severe substance abuse to engage properly in the process. Rates of compliance for these agreements are very low. Don't sign anything you don't feel is in the best interests of your child. Also, reunification with an absentee parent comes with many subtle difficulties, so look for a therapist who may have some experience in this area if you decide to find a counselor.

Again, bring the threats of abduction and harm to the forefront of your quest to protect your son. Good luck to you.

MomofTwo, you've said some important things here. Angus does have options about what he might do with his money, and repairing the harm he said he did through child support payments and therapeutic care of his children are good ideas. Well said. Your ideas are positive and powerful, and this is just the kind of input that serves a poster well.

Davy, you may view your incessant "oppositional" nonsense as wry and entertaining. It's not. It's the self-serving, egomaniacal and childish stuff of someone who is outlandishly misdirected. Telling a poster that s/he can gets what's needed here by saying "it's here if you need it," could mean, you ranting toddler, that many posters here can and will guide him. If you took the time to read the posts, this would be known to you. However, there's very little good you do here, other than relate your hatred of anyone who can relate an intelligent thought that doesn't support your he-man-woman-hating hoohah. You jump to conclusions about everything everyone stands for, believes in and meant to say. Give everyone a break, man, and find a hint of kindness in your black soul.

I think we are beyond making amends

How we approach getting what we what and need is a choice we make. You can change your mind at any point, so please come back if you want to take control over how this plays out and you can ask for specific guidance. It will be here for you.

Angus, I hope it's all right to go back to what you said early on: "I've done a good job of keeping things between us difficult..."

Is it possible that going forward with your lawyer in an adversarial way like this so quickly (after having been uninvolved so long as you noted) is setting the stage for more difficulties to come? You seemed to be very open to doing things in a way that gets you involved in a more meaningful way with your children, open to knowing that your reappearance is frought with challenges for your kids. Are you at all interested in working with your ex, rather than against her?