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thanks, good idea! mother is about to finish her degree or so she says (though she has been telling us that for quite a while now). She has already a bachelor's degree, an unfinished master's degree ( she spent more than five years on that one) and now she is trying to get a certificate on something completely unrelated because she  claims she couldn't find a job! My DH and I joke around saying that she is the eternal student. I honestly don't see her working full time but we'll see. It would be a nice surprise.

Do you know of any cases where the custodial father has to pay child support to the non-custodial mother because she is a full time student and works only part time and the custodial father makes significantly more than her? Our lawyer put the fear in us with this possibility but I can't find any information on how the judge would deem to do such a thing. I understand not asking the non-custodial mother to pay child support, given the differences in salaries but to ask the Custodial parent to pay? in this scenario both of the would have joint custody and 50/50 parenting time.

Thanks guys, I feel a little bit better and yes, lol! we were intimidated by the sheer number and especially because it was the first time we heard of some of them. Now our lawyer has started depositions and it's going to take her a long time to do it  (more money we need to pay...sigh)   Counting the days till this is over, one way or another.

Most states offer child support calculators where you can see what you would need to pay to BM based on your salary and and her salary. If she doesn't have a job, court will impute her minimum wage. Check it out and show her the result. If it's more than what you are offering, she will probably want to go to court. The fact that BM isn't working is not a change in circumstances to reverse custody (unless children are in danger because of this) so I don't see how you can get custody based only on that fact.

yes, my first reaction would be to test child just for piece of mind. If result is your DH is not biological father, go to lawyer immediately and see what your options are. I highly doubt child will be removed from the only father she has ever known but it's better to be pro-active in these cases.

thanks, Sillystring! What do you mean by they won't probably be called? who decides who gets called? can the judge make that choice? BM is saying she is going to bring all her coworkers, literally, all of them. She works part time in a daycare center. The place will have to close down! I don't think in the end all of them will show up but it's rather annoying for the sheer amount of time it will take to interrogate them, etc. I guess I just need reassuring. We have a pretty strong case but you never know what BM can pull off in the last minute!

So in preparation for trial, BM provided her list of possible witnesses and it's loooooooong. She is calling pretty much everybody she knows. This is not the definitive list, just the list of potential witnesses but we have no clue who  these people are so we are getting a little bit anxious. This is the first time we are going to trial so I'm not sure what to expect. Is normal to call twenty something witnesses? I imagine they all will say she is a wonderful parent and a wonderful person but other than that, they can't say much since  they don't know my DH. Is there a way to limit her number of witnesses? How much weight do these kind of witnesses have? It seems to me it will be a waste of the court's time. We have a lawyer but we don't want to ask too many questions cause it's costing us a leg and an arm. Thanks!

It seems to me that your DH needs to make a decision whether to allow BM continue denying visitation under the excuse of illness or take legal action. It's his choice since it's his child. I know that this gets to you but you need to let him make the choice and live with it, no matter what. Does he have access to medical records? If so, he needs to get to the bottom of this issue. He needs to document all the times that BM denied visitation with the excuse of illness and go to court for a clarification of the court orders. If you have emails of her denying visitation, bring them to court. If he presents his case convincingly, he might get a change in the parenting plan where BM can't deny visitation due to illness. I'm sure DH and you are more than capable to take care of a sick child. If the child is so sick that can't travel, then BM should send a doctor's note and provide make up time. But it's up to your DH to assert his rights and fight to get more. What does your parenting plan say right now about visitation? Does it describe specific times and dates? Does the parenting plan provide for overnights or does it say liberal visitation? It's better to have clear language to avoid misunderstandings. Court is not easy but it's better than living with the stress of a BM walking all over you and depriving the child of his father.

Congratulations!!! 

I think it depends on the state. Since husband is still on birth certificate, in WA he is still nominally the father. You need a document signed by husband where he states he is not father and also a document from mother and your DH stating he is father. Simply DNA testing is not enough. If husband and/or BM don't agree to do this, you will need to go to  court and have the judge sign a court order to change name in birth certificate. My DH is going exactly through that process and we are waiting till trial to bring the issue to court. BM's husband is out of the country so no way we can get his signature.