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Messages - Remi2

Pages: 12
1
Custody Issues / Re: High Conflict Ex
« on: May 10, 2012, 12:18:51 PM »
Simplydad gave a VERY good response, since it is apparent he's been there, done that.

I agree 100%...excellent advice, and well said, Simplydad.

I also agree 100% with Simplydad and Waylon.  They are absolutley right about everything!  In the beginning, I too tried to get along keep the peace and appease the other high-conflict parent to avail.  It took me a little bit (a couple of years) but I learned that no matter he is never, ever going to agree with anything I suggest.  I would give in or be flexible but he would never reciprocate.  And I would get caught in the back and forth emails.  I put a stop to all of that.  I stick to the CO like glue and I ignore everthing.  When I get an email ranting about this or that with the peppered insults and snide comments throughout I say to myself, 'Pfft...yeah, ok...whatever' and keep it moving.
 
Keep documenting everything and keep your emails (composed and/or replies) as breif as possible one to two sentences if you can.  Also try limit all your communications (preferably email only) to only if it is absolutely necessary.
 

2
Custody Issues / Re: Sole Custody
« on: Apr 06, 2012, 03:55:51 PM »
UPDATE:  I just wanted to come back and update my post.  The GAL finally finished her report in January.  Were our case a modification (it was for dueling petitions for contempt) the GAL would recommended Sole Legal and Physical custody for me and alternating weekday visitation.  The GAL notated that too much interaction between the parties causes disagreements.
 
I never asked for sole legal custody in my GAL questionnaire from last summer but the after dealing with the NCP for almost a year she saw what I was dealing with.  He ignored all of the GAL's initial recommendations and did what he wanted to do anyway, when things weren't going his way during the GAL's investigation he tried to get a leg up by filing a false allegation of child abuse with CPS (I informed CPS that there was pending matter before the court and that this is an ongoing bitter custody battle - They closed their investigation.) and then after we received the GAL's report which was extremely negative towards him he tried to get the GAL removed from the case.
 

3
Visitation Issues / Re: Unwritten grace period
« on: Jan 19, 2012, 11:00:36 AM »
Thanks.  Your story sound similar returned on time on weekends (Sundays) but late during the week.  I understand things can and sometimes do happen but the NCP does not email, call or send text that he is running late.  The child is 4 yr. old and when she is returned home late it pushes back the bedtime schedule/rotuine and she ends up going to bed late. 

4
Visitation Issues / Unwritten grace period
« on: Jan 19, 2012, 10:11:23 AM »
Is there an unwritten rule in Family court that when it comes to court orders/visitation schedules?  This is what I told by a police officer.  For instance, even though the court order clearly states that pick up times for weekday visitation are 3:00pm until 8:00pm, that the parent returning the child is not considered late until they are returned after 9:00pm because their is an unwritten rule that parents, NCP or CP, have an hour grace period after the designated drop-off time. 
 
I follow the court order to a "T".  However, the NCP has made a habit of returning the child late.  Would you advise that I just ignore the late times because in the eyes of the court it doesn't really matter even if it is a continued pattern?  I am following the court order however it seems like the NCP does not have to follow the court order. 
 
 

5
General Issues / Re: joint parties and holidays
« on: Aug 04, 2011, 10:25:40 AM »

so bio dad has called and started drama because I am not inviting him and his family to my sons birthday party, and he wants to do joint holidays together I told him no and he has been harrassing me I have no idea what to do what should I do?


In my situation, despite everything that NCP or bio dad has done (and still trying to do) to try to destroy me and get back at me I still invited him to our child's 3rd birthday party which was at a neutral location.  This was also after he had a birthday party for the child at the daycare and did not tell me or invite me to that party.  He declined the invitation but I still extended the invitation nonetheless for the sake of the child.  I chose to be the bigger person/parent. 

It takes two or more people to keep conflict going.  If you and your family can put your personal feelings aside and be civil for a couple of hours you would be doing it for your little boy not for his Dad.  On the other hand, if this will be virtually impossible because there is way too much hostility and animosity then should just have two separate parties/holidays and leave it at that. 

6
Visitation Issues / Re: Late Return
« on: Jul 26, 2011, 08:29:43 AM »
Thanks gemini3.  I have no issue with the grandparents picking up or dropping off.  My issue was the lack of consideration to inform me via a return call, text message, or email that the child would be (what I consider to be) returned very late and the flimsy excuses.  I do agree with asking the judge to specify pick-up and drop-off times for summer vacation.  I will address that.

7
Visitation Issues / Late Return
« on: Jul 25, 2011, 08:00:19 AM »
I just need to vent...again.  There are no set drop-off/pick-up times in the CO for summer vacation.  Usually the NCP will drop-off in between 7pm - 8:30pm.  Well, yesterday by 8:45pm the child was not home.  I called the NCP's cell phone to inquire about the child's whereabouts no answer.  So I left a message.  No return call.  I left another message at 9:00pm and sent an email. Still no return call and no response to the email.  I called the paternal grandmother's house and left a message.  In both messages that I left at 9:00pm, I said that I would contact the authorities if did not recieve a call back.  By this point I am panicking.  I don't know whether to call the police or not.  I am conflicted that what if she doesn't come back and I didn't call or there has been accident.  Well, I called the police at 9:12pm.  About 10 mins. after the call to the police the paternal grandmother calls from her cell phone saying that there were lost by this time I was an emotional wreck it was going on 9:30pm.  She claims they had been driving for 2 hours because they were lost, they left the house at 7:13pm, they didn't want to stop and ask for directions in downtown or anywhere because they were afraid of the area, the cell wasn't charged, the child was sitting on the cell phone charger in the car seat.  Excuse after excuse after excuse she apologizes but it does not come across as sincere at all in my opinion.  Now in the past (since last Oct.),  the paternal grandmother routinely has dropped off the child at my home every other Wednesday (for the CO weekly dinner night) after she picked up the child after school. She has also picked up the child from my home for visitation.  So the excuse of 'We were lost...' doesn't fly with me.  The phone call between the paternal grandmother and I was very tense.  The officer arrived and I explained that the paternal grandmother called and the situation.  He said to give them about an hour to show up.  They finally arrive at 10:05pm.  The paternal grandfather apologized profusely for being late.  He came across as believeable.  The paternal grandmother stayed in the truck.  If the roles were reversed this would be like me taking the child on the day the NCP was coming to pick up the child, have him wait around not return his calls and do not arrive until 2 hrs later saying that I was lost leaving the previous location I was at and I couldn't find my way home. 

It's the next day, I still feel a little emotinally drained and mad.  First, I mean how inconsiderate not to even call early on and say 'We're lost but we're coming.'   I would have understood.  Second, I find it hard to believe that if I buy that exucse that they were lost they couldn't have pulled into a gas station or fast food restaurant and asked for directions.  Third, the NCP doesn't send courtesy notice that the grandparents will be dropping off the child.  This is all just so wrong and inconsiderate all the way around.   

8
Custody Issues / Re: Sole Custody
« on: Jul 14, 2011, 07:51:48 AM »
Thank you for the excellent advice Simplydad!  You made some excellent points.  I needed those reminders.  Thank you again!!   

9
Custody Issues / Re: Sole Custody
« on: Jul 13, 2011, 12:21:53 PM »
Thanks, Simplydad and ocean.  Yes, there is a bitter custody battle going on.  I am not trying to take away any visitation.  We have joint legal custody and I am the physical custodian and make the final decision(s).  The NCP seems to be trying any dirty trick he can think of to play.   It is almost as if he is going down a list of dirty tricks to play in a custody dispute.

All of the NCP allegations have mainly been, "The child has said this or the child has said that." all of which are lies that he is placing in the child's mouth.  With the latest allegation from yesterday, last week the NCP asked to take the child to a ballet lesson on Monday during my week of vacation this week.  I reluctantly agreed and let her go.  He picked up the child directly from summer camp and returned her home afterward.  The next day he sends email alleging that the child is being used as a spy.  I am like WTF?  That is what is really infuriating just really ticks me off.  It is just so wrong to keep using the child like this.  I keep asking myself, 'What kind of a parent would do something like this or act like this?'  Most of the tactics and tricks are usually what you see the CP (usually the Mother's) doing in custody disputes.  I personally think that NCP suffers from an undiagnosed Narcissistic Personality Disorder.  (I have not and will not shared this opinion with the GAL this is just what I think).   

We are still waiting for the court date.  The GAL needs to turn in her report before we can go back to court.   The GAL has told me that she is trying to figure out a way to him make stop with these false allegations.  Maybe I can suggest your suggestions to her.

At 3 almost 4yr. old the child and I still have a very good relationship.  Although, I am keeping a close eye on her and her behavior when she returns from visitation for any changes.   

In all, I guess I just needed to vent after this latest allegation.   

10
Custody Issues / Sole Custody
« on: Jul 13, 2011, 09:04:04 AM »
How how many incidents should one have before you request a modification of sole custody?  Currently, we have joint legal custody.  The NCP is using the child as weapon with constant false allegations of child abuse and now the latest of child being used a s spy.  These accusations are all made within the last 4 months.  He is purposely trying to sabotage my relationship with the child and he will not stop.  He is clearly not acting in the best interest of the child.  The GAL found his accusations baseless and that there were no merit to them.  However, the GAL still has not completed her report which was due last month.  It makes so mad that he is using a child as a weapon like this it is reprehensible.

Pages: 12
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