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Messages - dearsirena

be going on!  You will hear stories from the Skids but you may never know what truly happened or the other side of the story.  When a mother and daugher go shopping it doesn't mean that mom has to buy her something.  She may have only wanted to get ideas from the bright eyes and excitement from her daughter to decide what she was going to buy ultimately for her.

With the son, again you may not know the entire story.  Perhaps this boy owes his mother money from previous issues and never made good and this was moms way of teaching him the realities of life.  Too many parents give their children things without teaching them the value of responsibility.  I am not saying that is what happened here but you will never know what happens on the other front.

In a way I wish more parents would help their children grow up, if this was truly an innocent thing and what she was doing.  Otherwise, dealing with a malicious human being is better left to the mental care professionals.

ex's who do things out of spite and not in the best interest of the children!  My Skids never participated in sports until the divorce.  It was then used as an excuse why they couldn't go see dad (we live in a different state 2000K miles away).  My DH's ex would pump them up how they HAD to go to every sporting event however, it was discovered that leaving their town to visit friends across the states was just hunky dory and missing sports for that was just fine!!

Then on top of that it wasn't a soccer season only.  It was basketball, track and DH's ex even signed them up for YMCA community stuff (the more they had going on the more they couldn't see dad!!)

We were fortunate and had the judge backed us after proving malicious behavior (director of the Catholic school sided that visiting dad was more important than sports).  He believe that the order was God, Family, School, Athletics and it helped us in court.  There has to be a balance and often the other parent doesn't get help such as this case I read here.
the other party in divorce/custody.  Most judges see right through this behavior but you need to make sure you document everything!  You'll need to answer each of her complaints in the R.O. and bring everything you can to court to dispute it.  YES, I do believe the contempt filing will help but my guess (only a guess!) is that the judge will grant a temporary R.O. pending the outcome of the contempt hearing but with provisions that follow the current C.O. with her being told that you can see your children on the court ordered dates.  It appears that she won't follow the R.O. rules if this does transpire as her history speaks volumes.

I definitely would spend $$ for a consult but beware a $200 consult fee can turn in to thousands in the blink of an eye.  I would continue with the contempt if you have sufficient data.  However, be prepared for her to get slapped on the hands and told to let you see the children and perhaps even order a court appointed GAL or counselling for the parties and/or children.

We have the ex-wife from hell and have spent over 200K in lawyer fees (this does not include our travel costs to the children's home state each time which would tack on an additional 50K).  In the end she was admonished for having PAS which was documented in my DH's new Order, Ordered to have the children talk to DH 3X/week, Ordered to counselling 2X/week, PB was Ordered to PAS counselling and Ordered to pay fines each time she refuses visitation, the phone calls, etc.

Guess what???  Two days after the final hearing it all started again.  We were exhausted after 8 years of this crap and didn't have the fight in us.  We can't keep flying to her home state everytime she violates something where she gets a $500/fine.  Big whooooop!!  It costs us $2-3K in airfare, hotes, rental cars, etc. and we're just spent.  We have everything documented included all transcripts from the last 8 years so one day we'll show the children how we fought for them and what the TRUTH is.

I wish you the best of luck but my greatest advice is to get the judge to write in SANCTIONS ($$$) for every violation.  Often times these women/men get hit hardest when it affects their pocketbooks.

One more far as the children and not wanting to visit, internet limitations, etc. most Judges like seeing one of the parents actually parenting and this can go against your ex.  Make sure you bring up that there was never a R.O. until she got all pissy and vindictive.

Ughhh, sorry to you.

admitting that you were a victim of PAS.  I know many who have been but refuse to admit it because they still want to be the victim of a father/mother who left home, who wronged them, etc.  I know there are cases where this is true but as a friend of mine said a few days ago (thanks C!), those of us who have been through it can smell it miles, even states (LOL) away.  There truly is a PAS vocabulary.......

I am sorry that you had these unfortunate things happen during your childhood but you give me hope for my Skids.  You are remarkable!  I just wanted to say thank you and if you would ever share the things that made you recognize PAS and at what age I would be truly appreciate hearing a different viewpoint.


I would have even gone so far as to take her to a podiatrist with the shoes that were too small and get an official record from a foot specialist.  One more doc to have in the event you have to go to court.

I would also do a spreadsheet on the computer of what she brings and assign each article a number with a checkoff section.  Video tape the process of checking the items off and placing them into her bag to return to BMs.  While this takes time and sounds ridiculous, it does save time in court by simply handing over evidence, watching these PB's put their tales between their legs and listen to a judge admonish them!!!  It is worth the time!!

My DH's PB tried to keep the children from him for years and finally resorted to this tactic.  This method of keeping children from the other parent is very common as outlined in the book "Divorce Poison" (great reading for any family dealing with PAS).

DH was accused of child abuse in 1998 for apparently causing bruising to  his son's eyes.  My ex lifted his son, at the time age 9 and did nothing more than place his butt on the couch and counselled him verbally (even witnessed by SDD but they refused to put her on the stand as she WOULD have told the truth).  Not only were 4 of us in the room but we took the children to dinner that evening where we ran into mutual friends and of course had the testimony of the wait staff.  My poor SS testifed and couldn't keep the training he received from PB and all from the truth.  He answered honestly as he was cross-examined and couldn't keep PB's story straight.  It was comical but so very sad!

We went through full court and spent over 15K in legal fees.  Within 5 minutes of the instructions/release of the jury they returned a verdict of NOT GUILTY to DH!  Afterwards many of them came to us in the parking lot of the courthouse and apologized that DH was ever subjected to such BS!

PB was going to testify for the prosecution until they found out that the crap that she's pulled as a PB and not to mention was under charges for perjury in PA!!  Needless to say they hid her and never placed her on the stand.  Secondly the doctor from the hospital refused to show stating "bogus filing" and was dismissed by the prosecution as well.

My husband was withheld from his children for 15 months during this time and at the time PB was sending letters to everyone she could to try and get DH fined and to keep him from ever seeing the children.  Although we could have forced our right during the 15 months we elected to not traumatize the children.  The minute court was over our attorney filed for contempt for withholding visitation but demanded immediate return to normal.  All of the sudden excuses #2006, 2007, etc. began!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Without a conviction there is diddly that can happen in MOST states.  We took the power back that day but of course the ones to suffer, again, were the children!

Wishing you luck,

will, and I mean WILL cause more harm to your children than if they know dad has a new partner and it is sexual.

I am sure your children have overheard you talking to friends, family or ?? and this will certainly create more anxiety within themselves.  You can't be a comfortable person for them to be around if you are constantly worrying about petty stuff such as this and trust me kids are NOT stupid.  I can only hope for their sake that you don't bad mouth their father and his choices in other areas.

Children stay healthy when there are no parental conflicts, bashing, etc. going on.  Let him go on with his life and you do the same.

I am sorry you feel pain but for the kids sake you need to get yourself healthy and this isn't the way to go about it.  Have you considered "divorce adjustment" counselling?

when my husband was accused of Child Abuse for allegedly hurting his son when all he did was pick up his son and place him on the couch to reprimand him.  The entire act, basically a Take I, Scene II play was presented by the CP in her attempts to futhter keep the father (my DH) from seeing his children.  She also sought "Victims Assistance" monies to give her extra spending for trips to Disney, etc.  She was facing Contempt and thought this would be a way to save her fanny!  We spent 15K and one year to follow through with a hearing and after 5 minutes of deliberation the jury found him innocent.  The jury members sought DH out in the parking lot and apologized that anyone was putting him through this!  The doctor from the hospital didn't show because there was nothing to report.  The D/A wouldn't put PB on the stand after he learned that she had purjured herself on the stand during the divorce.  DH's poor son was coached and this was evident to all on in the courtroom.  His story changed every minute, that poor child was so confused!!!  So PB was livid, the D/A went home as a smacked a$$ and the only one who suffered was my stepson and of course my DH but he's an adult and handled it fine.

Read the book Divorce Poison.  It clearly depicts the thoughts behind these dimented individuals and the ever so common patterns.

By the way, we have one of the few cases where in DH's final hearing for a custody review, the CP was admonished by the judge for having Parental Alienation Syndrome now documented forever in our court papers.
"This is the kind of man I don't want around my child".  If you are following the Court Order and allowing the father visitation and can prove it then you'll have nothing to worry about.  You will always be better off to abide by the Order and if you don't like it then file to get it changed.

I hope for your child's sake that this can be resolved without hurting him any further and that both parents remain involved in his life without anymore conflict!
How did you and your DD's mom parent together?  Were there issues with parenting decisions, punishments, etc. the same as they are now?  Who was strict, who was passive?  Has any of that changed?

I too have been around for many years with stories from both a CP side and an NCP side dealing with PAS, children's divorce issues, etc.   I have a husband that went through a court battle with an angry ex who pushed a child to say they were physically abused.  He followed it though the courts and won hands down!!!!!!! ($15K later)  A typical PAS parents choice of revenge.   I've seen just about every tactic and when I hear that mom isn't treating a child properly I immediately respond with "learn to co-parent".   A child will never LOVE the way the other is parenting.  Unless you see clear-cut abuse such as bruising, malnutrition, etc. give it up.

Blink an eye and imagine your DD with you, in your me, won't be the utopia you all dream about.  She may want the less "strict" father, she may want to manipulate you both more, but again could be that mom is really crazy.  She'll begin to play the same games with you as she did with mom and badabing,'ll want her back with mom since she orignally caused the issues???!!!!  Not necessarily, if parents were more able to unite and join then these manipulative kids wouldn't be so inclined to pursue their interests!

Bottom line, convince the judge!!  Spend 5 years of your 20 years of earnings following this for no guaranteed result.  Is she hurting your DD or does your DD want a more cushy life?  A life that may create more havoc for you and your new spouse/SO???

Hoping you all find a balance.