NEED HELP ASAP!! SHOULD I TAKE THE DEAL?

[Davy]

KalKir;  It might be to your benefit and opinions to review the purpose and intent of Sparc.  Also look around this site and you will discover a wealth of info. and support.  The contributions of a lot of good people over a long period of time made this happen much of which occured before my arrival.  God bless them all ... many have been served.

I post here to help people primarily for the what I perceive as for the well-being of children.
Ultimately, the reason is because of what happened to my children.  Hope you understand.

In other words, I'm not here to argue a peeing match, to be popular, or be elected homecoming queen.  If I see a poster carrying themselves as an authority while grossly supplying mis-information like in sayiig "the judge will"  then I will intervene when I'm intimate with the subject matter.

I'm usually serious about this board.

By the way, can you please elaborate instead of making a general statement about valid points.

GADAD; I sincerely hope the info. is at very least reassuring as you apply it to your needs.

MomOffToo;  ...

[Kalkir]

My original handle on this board does not load for some reason.  I used to be on this board as Lacunar; some here may recall me.  I started posting here in January of 2001, so I am familiar with the website.  I remember when you started first posting here, so I am familar with you.  After a few years of litigation, I tried to find ways of NOT thinking about my case, so I stopped coming here.  But I have always been grateful for the support and advice I got here.

Your ad hominen attacks against other posters, Davy, discredit you, and distract from the thesis of the discussion here: should the OP accept a deal or not.  He himself is torn on how to proceed, and although your points about the legal validity of maintaining a GA jurisdiction and opposing the NJ residency are accurate, it does not mean that he will prevail. 

Momoftwo's point that he has delayed his case and given time for New Jersey to become the locale where the children have become acclimated cannot be discounted.  It will depend on the judge in the case and that is an unknown factor to those of us giving him advice. 

My point is this: the children need regular contact with both parents as soon as possible for their well being.  I suggest he find the most practical way of making that happen.  My other point is that win or lose, long distance shared custody is painful for all parties.

[GADAD2004]

OK here is an update,
First thank you for all the help you have provided.  I'm sorry to see that there was issues going on with this blog.  PLEASE STOP!  I have enough issues in my life right now, I don't want to read any more negative stuff on here, only positive stuff that I can move forward with to help my children. 

With that said, I talk with my lawyer this morning with a lot of the information I recived on here. 

I asked him about settling vs fighing.  Again he said he doesn't belive I have enough bullets in the gun to make a change.  I do feel he has given up even thinking about fighting the case.  I think I may need a new lawyer.

I asked him about who gets the "standard package" the dad who loves, supports, takes care of, and helps the child or the one who treats them badly and why mom left.  He said it didn't matter, that's what I would get.  Which is every other weekend, every other holiday, and only 4 weeks in the summer.  WHAT CRAP!!!

I asked him about the 50/50 split if I have to move to NJ.  He said we can ask for anything, it doesn't mean she will accept it.  I would have to fight that in NJ if I move there.

I DO have to pay CS while they are with me over the summer- so mom can have money to play while the kids are with me. Go figure

They will not allow the half way deal for every other weekend or allow me less support because of the cost.  They would allow half way for holidays and summer break. 

There can be a no move clause in the order, but she can break it without much of an issue

She or I can ask for modification at any time

I did not even get into the questions about fighting, at this time it is just not worth it.  I feel I need a more agressive lawyer.  So here is my new question to all of you:

Do I ask for the moon and get what I can?  Or do I find a new lawyer and fight to the death!?!?!!

PLEASE HELP..... I AM CONFUSED.

A side note.  I was reading about the time period.  NJ or GA it didn't matter, I had a full 6 months to file.  It didn't look good or bad that I waited until the last second.  She couldn't file in NJ because she was not considered a resident (didn't change address, or dirvers lic, or banks).  I think I have a better then 40% chance, but I don't know.  I'm being told I will be given less, which doesn't make any sense.  This whole system seems to be set for good fathers to lose and bad moms to win and the kids to suffer.  I feel the kids need both of us in their lives as much as they can.  Dads out there that are going though this, are there support groups for this?  How about orgizations that help dads pick thourgh what is best?  HELP

THANKS AGAIN!!

[Kitty C.]

' This whole system seems to be set for good fathers to lose and bad moms to win and the kids to suffer.'

You are ABSOLUTELY right.......and that is why this site is here,  because the judicial system is so unfair to fathers and children.  All those bullets you mention.....is that what your current atty. told you?  Because if so, he is exactly right.  Some jurisdictions are more gender-neutral, but they are few and far between.  That 'standard package' is pretty much the norm, which is why this site was developed and we fight so hard to get the laws changed.  Sometimes even when we DO get the laws changed (like here in IA), many judges refuse to follow it or find some loophole to work around it.

Yes, it sucks....paying CS while the kids are with you sucks, but the 'principle' is that the CS is to go to the costs of maintaining a home and the CP still has to maintain that home while the kids are gone.  Doesn't do anything for the NCP, when they have to continue CS and try to have a little left over to take care of the kids while they are with the NCP.

Bottom line is....you can fight as much or as little as you want.  It all depends on how much money you're willing to put into the fight, how much time you want to invest in it (some cases can go on for years), and what you will settle for.  There are SO many factors that can change the course of this:  how willing BM is to work with you, how willing the courts are willing to work with you, whether GA or NJ will cooperate and how, etc.  You can certainly seek out a more aggressive atty., but you also have to think about how this 'fight' will affect not only you but your kids, too.  If this turns into a protracted affair, the longer it takes the more it will affect them.

Let's put it another way.......if fathers and children would get a fair shake in the system, there would be no reason for this site to exist.  There have been many tales on this site through the years of cases very similar to yours, but always remember that what works for one may not necessarily work for another.  Every case is different because you're dealing with human nature.....cases can be as different as fingerprints.

I know this doesn't sound very hopeful....but it's reality.  You have to work with what you've got and only you can know and decide what you want out of this, what is best for the kids, and how far you are willing to go to achieve that.  But always keep your focus on the best interests of the children.