I have no idea what to do and he has my daughter

[olanna]

"Between my husband and my mother's family, I've always been told that I'm worthless."

Why would such a perfect, loving, family oriented unit as your own ever tell you anything of the sort? You have a lot of contradictions in your story...not to mention the "y'all" thing you used. I live in an area where there are many latinos and I have never heard one of them use the term "y'all"...

Guess there is a first time for everything.

[Meighan]

I just re-read this entire thread.  From the very beginning, most of the people, such as YOU mixed bag, gave "advice" based upon whatever you felt like addressing as opposed to addressing every single thing that I said in every post....verbatim. You weren't overtly mean. I apologize for making generalizations regarding everyone instead of singling out those who were being mean.  For example you said something long the lines of "so you intend to bring your daughter back to Florida and file?" One of you (GR8Dad) mentioned the interstate child custody act, being arrested for kidnapping, taking her away from a father that's had her for a very long time (even though it was only a few months..the length of most summer visitations for a NCP) and having my daughter taken from me and receiving supervised visitation for the duration of her childhood because I'm an unstable flight risk.  That was totally out of line and indicative of none of you reading my posts...or taking the time to understand what was going on.  After nicely trying to keep up with the crap that was flying out of y'all's keyboards, I finally gave up and got defensive....wondering where the hell this stuff was coming from. Most all of you totally jumped the gun, didn't really read all of my posts and shot off at the mouth about stuff that you incorrectly assumed. You may very well have custody of a kid that isn't biologically your own. But that has nothing to do with my situation.  Your attitude was scathing and rife with "I know more than you, do what I say because I'm right and your attorney knows nothing." Wrong.  Thank God I had the lawyer I did, that's the reason things turned out the way they with my daughter's custody.  As far as me being "back with more problems" I bet you'd like that wouldn't you? Then it would make the mess you've most likely made of YOUR situation seem a little better than it is. Since my daughter's daddy doesn't care now just like he didn't care back then and has chosen to remove himself from her life, the only problems I can foresee involving having to try to explain to her why her daddy didn't care.  

I was asked more than once how long he had my daughter even though I restated it 20138423084 times. The more I answered, the more I was told "you're not stable." Damn right a mother is going to get defensive when she's told that she's not able to care for her child. Especially when she is.  All of this started because , understandably so, most of you saw what you wanted to see and ignored the rest because the dictates of human nature state that everything we do is based upon self above all else. Practically applied, when we talk on the internet it's not to interact.  It's to be recognized and lauded and paid attention to....regardless of whether or not what we say is accurate or even wholly wrong.  The very first response I receieved to my original post was something along the lines of "are you sure you can take care of your daughter?" Umm..ok what the hell kind of parent would run off with no way to pay the bills, feed their child or otherwise provide a stable home? Some do certainly. But come on now. It's obviously clear by my posts that I DO give a damn and I DO DO my best for my daughter.  I've done everything I could to keep her daddy in her life when everyone around me said to RUN because of how unhealthy he was for Maria.  I wouldn't have the balls to to go out of my way to engage people who could potentially be wiser than me in alot of areas and teach me a thing or two if I seriously did not give a damn about my child.  



This isn't directly in reply to this post. It's to everything. Anyways, semantics are critical. We have to pay close attention or somewhere along the way we're going to get lost.  It's apparent that this is what's happened here and for that I'm sorry.

I never said my 'family unit' was perfect. I  spoke of my mother.  I then spoke of HER family. There most certainly is a difference between the two. My mother's family came here from Ireland a couple generations ago, and settled in North Carolina.  My mother married a man from Puerto Rico.  Maybe you haven't heard of many latinos that use the word 'y'all' I didn't realize it was of such consequence. I guess I am unique in that respect. And FYI...Puerto Rico is part of the United States. I think I was told to "get out of your country" or to "go back to my own."  Yeah. That'll work. And I'm not "racist" or nor do I have something against other cultures.  I'm only going to say this one more time and then write y'all off as retards.  Hispanic culture is markedly different than American culture. It has nothing to do with me "hating Americans" or anything else. There are things that latin people do that couldn't be understood by those who live in the United States proper and there are things that Latins do and believe that would be construed as strange or different.  Latin culture as a whole views and treats family relations totally different than modern "americans" do.  That's a truth that doesn't detract from the worth of the "american" family at all. It's just how things are.  It's marked and understood my most people. I can't understand why anyone would get upset by my statement of the obvious.  As if that's somehow a negative reflection of you.  That's your bad for feeling that way.

As far as everything else goes let me clarify. I will simplify as much as I can and then leave it at that.  I should probably turn off my topic reply thing because I keep getting emails that y'all have replied and I end up looking at them.

This is the thing.  I met my husband when I was in H.S. He was in the Navy. As was my father. Which pretty much explains all of "travels" that you made mention of. My husband's parents didn't want him with someone that's so different from what they're used to, (different race, different culture, different personality...etc;)and he chose them over me. I'll be 25 in a few weeks, and since I was 18 I followed this man from one duty station to another and then finally to Oklahoma, where he is from. If you paid attention to my previous posts, you'll see how I said when I was younger, before I had my daughter, I wasn't terribly responsible.  I did my best to fix things within my very limited and immature understanding of what it means to be an adult and I failed.  I went back to him time and time again because I was insecure and scared of being alone. He was married when I met him, his wife was in Florida and he lied about that. I found out much later. It was one lie after another and a huge awful mess.  

After he left me the first time because of our daughter, I went to NC to live with my great aunt and then went up to PA where my mother is for the obvious reason that she is my mother and I wanted to be close to her.  I begged my husband to try again and fix things and he moved to PA finally.  We lived there for three years until it fell apart again and we decided to try ONE MORE TIME.  We moved in again with his parents in Oklahoma and again, the same thing happened.  I left at the end of February and went to get her at the end of September.  I wasn't gone for "ten months" Ever. I've never been away from my daughter for 10 months. That's just absurd.  Nor did I ever say anything EVER about taking my daughter away from her father or keeping her away from him.
Emotionalism typically results in incorrect statements such as the above.

Moving right along....This time I stayed away.  We agreed that when I left it would be his first summer with her and that I would use that time to get on my feet. After that he would have her in the summer time and so on and so on.  My husband was indeed, working 12 hours a day this past summer. That was the FIRST JOB he'd held longer than 3 months since he'd gotten out of the Navy 2 years prior to that. His parents were raising my daughter. And sure I gave him money for our daughter. I'm not sure what it was used for since she had no clothes or shoes or anything when I went to get her. Nevertheless, it doesn't matter.

Since I first posted everything I've said was torn apart as if I'm on trial and I don't understand. There is no double talk. There is no lies. And if I did lie and am a man ..which is aboslutely hillarious...then why are you even bothering with me? I didn't touch my profile because I didn't care to fill it out. If it ended up reporting the wrong gender that's the board aministrator's bad. So, let's recap.  Puerto Rico is part of the United States. It's not some foreign country.  The culture is markedly different but it's still part of the United States. I am a citizen =)  Furthermore, if you bothered to stop looking for ways to argue with me and READ WHAT I SAY you won't findny of the lies you'd like to believe I've told.  I've repeated myself 20384203848 times...and always said the same thing.

  Bottom line, The attitude here is horrible. I made one other post about mother's relationships with their children..it was totally respectable, not beligerent or otherwise condescending and I was sent an email from someone here telling me to "watch out because I could piss off alot of people with what I said." What the HELL is that? I'm signed up for a couple different boards and this is the only one that I have ever dealt with that behaves this way.  

[MYSONSDAD]

This was what I said...Get things right

>IF THIS COUNTRY IS SO BAD, WHY ARE YOU HERE? <

You can check this for yourself. The post also has a date and time on it.

Your excuse:
>I think I was told to "get out of your country" or to "go back to my own." Yeah. That'll work. And I'm not "racist" or nor do I have something against other cultures.<

 > I'm only going to say this one more time and then write y'all off as retards. Hispanic culture is markedly different than American culture. It has nothing to do with me "hating Americans" or anything else.<

Now, with a statement like that, who gives a shit about YOU. No one here will give you the time of day and your feelings are hurt.....

And about the so called e-mails you say you have been receiving. Some how I doubt it. You have a very warped way of twisting the truth. You also change statements as time goes on, May I suggest... YOU GO BACK TO YOUR OTHER BOARDS. You might find solice there.

 
"Children learn what they live"

[olanna]

so why don't you just go find some other winners board and gloat there. I am personally tired of the dramatics and I am sick to my stomach to think that you yanked this kid out of one home because "you are Mom" and the kid is supposed to be with you because your heart was broken.

Ya know, I don't give a rat's ass if he did drop you off at a homeless shelter because you wouldn't put the child up for adoption. It's history and obviously, his feelings changed, as feelings will, when he had to buck up and take care of her. This also tells me loads about you, in as much as there are many women that had unplanned pregnancies here, and even without supporting mates, they STILL were able to manage and take care of the kids.

You know what I see? I see a helpless little drama queen, that dumped her kid on the Dad, drifted from man to man, and then suddenly had an epiphany that the kid meant money, either from Dad or the state and went back to collect her beloved baby.

Of course, now the distance makes it impossible for Dad to parent his daughter. So now YOU are the good guy and you can make him look like a junk yard dog.  And I don't care what color you are or what nationality you claim, you saw easy money and you took it.  BRAVO.

FYI...I am the one that warned you about writing posts that referred to the "Mom's conforting womb" and the special bond between MOm and child, as MANY of the posters on this board can attest that there are incubators and then there are Moms.  To give the illusion that all mom's are wonderful, loving, caregivers, by NATURE, as your post pointed out, is a complete joke.  If someone posted that same post and put Dad everywhere the word Mom was placed, it would have seemed just as ludicrous as the post you made. I warned you about it, because, frankly, it just isn't so and you could easily be chewed up and spit out over it. I was actually trying to be nice and warm and welcoming...

I can only hope that someday you grow up and understand what it really means to be a parent. And for chrissakes, drop the victim roll; it's so unbecoming.

[wendl]

Well I was YOUNG and SINGLE when I became pregnant with my son. I was laid off from my job when I was 5 months pregnant, I went thru the entire pregancy ALONE, I gave birth with my friend and some family there, my roommate moved out on me, my ex didn't help nor does he now help with our son. I DID IT ALONE. My ex didn't want me to keep our chlid, I did and I am raising him, HOWEVER I try to help my ex understand how important it is for him to be invovled with his son, which after 12yrs he is now trying and even though he pisses me off sometimes by his action, they are HIS actions and I have no control over them, everyone grows up at different stages in life, everyone is only in control of their own feeleing and actions.

Also my sons grandpa (on dads side) didn't accept my son for a long long time, then he grew up, and let his pride go (as he was upset my son doesn't carry their last name) now he realized what an ass he was and is a great grandpa now.

I don't care for people who try and have people take pitty on them, the only thing in life we have control over is ourselves, our actions and our beliefs. My son and I are not the evil of my ex's problems he choose to take one path I choose another and so on.

Grow up and you will feel no pitty from me.

Now I have a wonderfull husband whom is a great dad however his ex likes to create drama. This is about kids and how they should have the right to BOTH parents equally not one whom thinks just because she carried the child for 9 months she should have the control HELL NO, it takes two to create a child and it takes 2 parents to raise them.

**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**

[Stepmom0418]

AMEN!!!!!!

[Davy]

but what a great job.  

This person DOES NOT represent the Latino community, or women, and more importantly motherhood.  

I suspect she will CONTINUE to be a BURDEN to everybody everywhere and especially the child.