Joint custody??? Not a good route for the kids?

[gemini3]

who put her into therapy, and why?

[Davy]

who put her into therapy, and why?

AND

what unknown issue(s) give rise to an "emergency" hearing

[christa00]

  She was referred into therapy by her pediatrician, which we both agreed on. She initialy went into therapy to discusee feelings and issues she was having with fathers girlfriend. Personality differences. You have to understand why she would be so confused. Father started dating which was fine with her, she then after 2 years of father being single, was told by her father he didn't want to date anymore and wanted to spend all of his time with her. Then the dates again maybe 3 months after telling her this, meets a woman who has a child, understand our daughter is an only child, so she of coarse has a problem with this, then he tells her, " I don't spend any time with GF's daughter, then he calls from the beach where he is with GF and her daughter. Then they move in, which is when therapy started to try to get feelings out and for her to understand her dad is still her dad. Father then tells her, he wants to date a woman with a child because she won't want anymore, what happens 3 months later??? He tells her she will have a sibling, hmmm. So we continue therapy. In between all this, child is informi9ng both of us about her concerns and when I try to talk with him about it, he says she is perfectly happy and she has no issues. Our daughter has broken a few of GF's things, when I told father, he talked with daughter, what he said I don't know, and then the story changed to the things broken were accidents. I am very confused, father tells child often things will get better, things just seem to be getting worse by the day. I don't even ask anymore how was time at dads because I know she gets weird and won't talk to either of us anymore, just the therapist. Sometimes I worry that she is afraid of hurting us, but I can't tell anymore.

[ocean]

How old is she? I think you got it now..the child is trying to please both of you. We see it with the kids too. Plus some of this is probably the age and kids can get grumpy! She is not an only child now..she has babies in both house now. She is also trying to cope with your change in your house even if you think it is running smoothly.

Do you talk to the therapist? I would want to go in there and say you need family counseling at this point and both parents (and step parents) should be involved. She has been in therapy a while now..what is the focus of the therapist. I found my kids hated talking about it each week and rehashing it out over and over. Time to find out how you can move forward and maybe move to once a month therapy to make sure/update and see how that goes...just a suggestion. She can have her half your to talk to therapist and come up with a plan on what we would discuss as a family OR I would go in first and say this is what happened we need to discuss this. Your daughter sounds young (to be needed a babysitter) so it is up to the therapist to do this for her. We went to 3 therapists before we found one that actually tried to help our family and not just sit there.

WHat happened with the medical part of the hearing??? dentist?

[christa00]

The therapist doesn't tell us anything. Confidentiality thing. The medical stuff is all custody related and didn't come up.  She is 11 by the way.

[trystero]

I'd say this is certainly complicated.  My 2 cents.....

- Daughter/Fathers girlfriend:  I think its a positive thing that she's in some kind of counseling to try to understand her feelings about this new relationship.  With a 1/2 sibling coming into the world soon too, this is probably a relationship that is best resolved.  I'd wonder what/how you might be commenting on the new woman in front of your daughter.  You should be encouraging your daughter to give her a chance, etc.  She could be feeling torn between your opinion of new girl friend and her own feelings.  Tough spot for a near-teenager. 

- Girlfriends 'rights' regarding guardianship, etc.:  Depending on which state you're in, this is probably going to be a tough and expensive up-hill battle.  As far as I know, when my kids are with me for my parenting time, I have the only say on where they go for sleep-overs, who babysits, etc...Before I was remarried, my then girlfriend/fiance had every right to pick up my kids from preschool/kindergarten.  this of course was with ex-'s permission via the school.  Courts were never involved really in that aspect.

- Counselor:  Your daughter is older than my kids, but still a minor.  I am not sure that either you or your ex are excluded from details from the counselor through HIPPA.  That would be a good question to find out.  Seems to me the counselor would want to also meet with you and your ex (together or separately) to help you both understand what her issues are and to try and help the poor child.  She's not in a position to fix it herself and the adults should step up and help.


Just my opinions as another parent with joint custody.  I have my own issues w/ex but still try to do whats best for my kids, not always easy as we all know.  The list of things to share with them when they're adults grows longer all the time!  LOL!


Good luck.  Going through the courts can be very expensive and time consuming...and often very frustrating as well.  You might save yourself some grief by running criminal background checks on the ex through your local PD.  There are also some very good online places where you can check all known public records on a person.  You need to start with basic information, full name and date of birth are a start.  Address where she lived before moving in w/ex, license plate information can be useful too....can help you worry less if you know if she's been convicted of something or has restrating orders filed against her, stuff like that.