sick toddler

[Gram]

Poor choice of words on my part. Thanks again for your advice. We're just getting tired of rearranging our days to accommodate the BF whenever he's sick, out of town, hungover, or doesn't have his mother available to help him with his child. Now the baby's been sick, we offered a visit here, he doesn't want to deal with vomiting, etc. But you're right...we do need to improve our relationship with him, and even if he doesn't take us up on it, the offer could be a positive step. So thanks. And in case you're wondering why I'm the one writing, I do all the daycare for my grandchild while my daughter, the BM is at work. They've lived with me since the baby's birth, and I'm unavoidably enmeshed in their lives. My purpose in participating in this forum is to get a more objective look at both sides of the picture.

[Ref]

on behalf of BM. I am SM and write on this site on behalf of DH all the time. I don't think he has every posted on this page.

I know it is annoying, but if it doesn't put you or BM out a ton, you might as well offer make-up time.

Good Luck! This is really not an easy road to travel.

Ref

[wysiwyg]

I understand your frustration, but rearranging your schedule to accomodate - is going to always be someone and not just dad.  You are providing day care for your grandchild, so you understandably have adjusted your daily routine to accomodate that while your daughter works.  

I am sure it is difficult for you to be in this position - a parent seeing their child going through a tough time and your grandchild also being ill.  However, nothing can change the fact that the child has a dad.  It seems to me that your relationship with dad is strained at best which is why he might not want to come by to visit his child in your home.  THis is where Ref I am sure menat to improve this relationship, for everyone concerned.  

I agree that offering dad time with his child, whether it is court ordered or not (why limit the time?) will tremendously benefit dad and the child. Why can dad not see the child for 3 or 4 hours or 2 or three times a week? That would also help to lessen the daycare you provide and give the child time to bond with dad.  Perhaps dad needs to feel needed by his child as well.

Two hours that dad can hold a sick or sleeping child will mean a lifetime to him.  Some of my best memories with my dad are the few hours we spent putting pennies on the train tracks and watching the trains run over them.  

I jsut read an article on the Fathers Issue forum and the last papagraph states "A society in which women are alone, men are lonely, and children don't have fathers is nothing to celebrate. And a future world filled with fatherless children -- bereft of half their identity and robbed of a father's love, discipline and authority -- won't likely be a pleasant place to live."

I hope this helps.  I am soon to be in your shoes while my husband and I still fight to see his son.  My daughter is in the millitary and headed for divorce with a small child.  

[Gram]

There is no doubt in my mind or my daughter's that my grandchild needs her dad. I've watched enough TV shows with adults trying to find or get to know their biological parents to understand how important this is. The BF has 8 hours of visitation every weekend plus the midweek 2 hour visit. Our problem is that the BF is not at all able to take care of a toddler. He relies on his own mother's help. When the child is sick and his mother is not available, he calls my daughter, the BM, to help. I think it's great that he does this, so the child's needs are met. Also, the bioparents get along better at the time. There's always a problem though when the paternal grandmother gets involved. This is her only child, her only grandchild, and frankly I think she's jealous of the relationship I have with the baby. Neither she nor the BF can provide the daycare, as both have jobs with hours similar to those my daughter works. When she's not working she's with the baby. I'm very lucky to be retired and able to do this. It's not easy, but I love this child and my daughter so much and want to do whatever I can to help. Anyway, thank you for your input. It really is helpful.

[wysiwyg]

Good luck Gram, I wish the best for you and the family!