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child support - back owed

Started by stwbshort, Jan 16, 2004, 06:36:38 PM

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2 1/2 yrs ago, I left MO, an abusive ex-boyfriend, and moved my daughter and myself back home to OH.  He filed for custody and child support through MO and won due to financial reasons.  This past July, my daughter told me her dad was sexually abusing her (in 5 yr old terms)  and we reported it.  MO did an investigation and he is now sitting in jail awaiting trial for 13 charges, 8 statutory sodomy 1st digree, 4 statutory rape 1st digree, 1 explotin of a minor felony A  (he could take a plea but either way they have enough evidence on him that he will never get out).  I tried to file with legal aid in MO to modify the custody order, but was denied (odly enough by the attorney I had 2 1/2 yrs ago when I fought my ex-boyfriend  for custody) due to the fact "the limited resources of our agency make it impossible for us to accept many applications for services."    So, after long investigation on my part, I found out I could file in the county I live in for custody and they would possibly take jurisdiction over MO.  I was told I would have to wait for a trial date and the case would be heard infront of a madjestrate or a judge and they would decide if OH would hear the case or if I would have to go through MO to handle this matter.  (thats not for another 3 to 6 months)  

  I owe back support. OH is now coming after me for MO in the amount of  $3333.76.  I am trying to find out what is owed to the state (because of him being on medicade and food stamps) and what is supposed to go to him.  I don't believe that the whole amount is owed the state.  I also don't believe that I should have to pay any part of the money back that is owed, since he obviously will not be able to pay me child support for the rest of his life. He has already taken enough from me and my daughter and this would be taking more. I just can't see paying a couple thousand dollars to a man that will be sitting in jail for the rest of his life. Is there something I can file or some other place I can look for a pro-bono attorney in MO to handle this?  I just don't know what to do anymore.  I've had about enough of the run-around from all of these legal people.  If anyone can help I would really appreciate it.

Frustrated Struggling Mother


  HMMM, Sounds like you need to get a job. Your not helpless, there are a ton of jobs out there. You just have to get one. If you have one, get another one. Support your child yourself, By living off the states you are living off of us.

   IF your ex did what you say he did then D**N him.  If you have manipulated all this yourself, then D**N you.  

   If he went so far out of his way to get custody, then it would seem to me that he just wanted to do what alot of REAL men want to do and that is to be a father to their child, not to go out of their way to get custody to molest them.  

Sorry for the Blunt response, but I don't believe hardly anything people say about their ex anymore.  I believe it's over dramatized and destroys innocent peoples lives.  Before you follow through with trying to send this man away for the rest of his life, remember only you and your daughter know the truth.  If he did not do what you say he did and you are doing this to dodge the child support or to win custody back, then you should be the one in jail for the rest of your life!  If it is true, then D**N him! I know how the courts like to add and multiply charges to the insane from personal experience. They will lock up 9 innocent men just to make sure they get 1 that is actually guilty.

P.S Refer to my post "MY 2 Cents"


ok, i never said i didn't have a job.  my daughter is being very well taken care of.  she has everything she needs and most of what she wants.   my family and i give her all the love and attention that we possibly can.  

as for the charges, here is a way that i can prove that this is true.  go to    http://casenet.osca.state.mo.us/casenet/                                  select under circuit courts    24th judicial circuit     then choose   case number   under search method.  type in    03cr615247.  then click the case number that is underlined.  then  click on the                                 charges/jdmt/sentence   button.  that will bring up all the charges on him.  the prosecuting attorney has video tape of these disgusting things that he did to her as evidence found in his home. Yes the sick SOB taped himself raping his little 4 year old little girl, not only on one occassion. The investigator thinks it has been going on for an extensive period of time.

here is a link to the article written in his local newspaper about it.

my ex filed for custody because he is a control freak.  always has been.  i understand your feelings about bashing ex's, but this unfortunately is one of the cases where what i have told you is all very sickeningly real.

my daughter wakes up at night screaming for him to stop.  sometimes she cries for an hour or more even though she is not awake, and there is nothing that i've tried that can calms her down.  she is being put in counseling very soon.  hopefully that will help.

i'm just looking for some advice and a little bit of help. I wont be able to support her, myself, counseling, and the attorny fees to handel all of this. Let alone pay him back from past child support


    Okay, unfortunately none of that shows any PROOF and I already found a major flaw in the story with the little bit of info you have given me.  That tics me off!

     As for the money, you owe it you pay it. Be done with it, or YOU go to jail. If I could get away with only 3,333.00 I would be extatic. Mind you though even though I feel that the main custodial parent is the one who should provide the major financial support.  

     You had a relationship with this guy at one point. You did the deed just as much as he did.  It doesn't surprise me to hear you say he was abusive.  My ex said the same thing and guess what, I have never laid a hand on her out of anger in anyway.  She is ticked off at me because I told her I was going to go for custody of our daughter.  In my situation I see it as she is trying to KILL me by trying to send me to jail for the rest of my life.  It's disgusting and I now in my own mind classify her as a murderer.  The fact that she is so selfish, irresponsible, and vindictive enough because she is afraid of losing custody that she would attempt to have me locked up for life, tells me exactly where she needs to be.  People like HER should be locked up for life, they are the most dangerous people next to serial killers.  
     A man spent 10 yrs. of his life in prison for a child molestion case.  Only after that time did his children finally set their father free because the mother had told them to tell the lies.  Guess what, she's in jail now right where SHE should have been in the first place.

     Let me ask you this.  I don't want to know anymore details, and again only you know the truth. This is no longer about you dodging what you owe. Jail is just a living death.  Do you think he should die for what you SAY happened?


ok, i am not your ex.  i am not a vindictive little b****.  i am a very loveing honest christian woman who loves her daughter very much.  I don't know where this flaw could be because this whole thing is completely true.  and no, i DON'T think he should die.  i think he will pay for what he did here on earth and when he does die.  

i think you sir need some serious counseling.  you have some major issues with woman.  not all women lie.  not all woman cheat.  not all woman turn their kids against their fathers.  i never did.  i got messed up with the wrong person.  i payed for it.  

i read your post, and i am very sorry for what you have been and are still going through, if YOU are telling the truth, only YOU know.  my situation was caught on video tape.

 i don't have to prove myself to you. apparently in your eyes i am a lier.  i am very sorry you see me like that.  i am posting my story to try to get some help, not to get harrassed and be called a lier.  


Hi, I'm previously lisamnrix - i liked this new userid better!!  :))))

here's my 2 cents!!

It is a terrible situation however, it sounds to me like you are only concerned about the $$.

It's like someone talking about their parents assets at their funeral.  It's not appropriate.

Maybe you aren't only concerned about the $$ but you sure do give that impression.

Good luck to you.  My prayers go out to you and your daughter.  May justice be done!!


i'm not just concerned about the money.  but when paying back over $3000 would be taking away from my daughter, yes i am concerned.  this man will be sitting in jail for the rest of his life, why should he receive money that is ment for support of my daughter after he did what he did to her?  i don't mean to sound hostile, but i just don't get it.   and thank you for your prayers, we can definetly use them.


I read your post a day or so ago and thought about how to respond...I didn't know what to say that would be any help at all...

The feeling I got from it, is that you are more concerned about the money you owe rather than the hell your daughter has gone through...I know that if it were me, the money would be the last of my worries and I would concentrate on making sure that this man pays for what he did, if he did it.   Then, and only then, would I try to rectify the whole arrears matter if you feel it isn't justified....but, I'm pretty sure that if you owe it, you pay it, no matter what....

Now, don't get me wrong..I'm not saying that you don't love and care for your daughter...I'm sure you do...but your initial post gave a different impression.  I'm sure it wasn't intentional.

As for the responses from Mustang...I think you owe this lady an apology...maybe you don't like what she had to say and you think she is "making it all up"...well that's not for anyone of us to decide and a benefit of the doubt would have come in handy here.  Your own personal experiences have spilled out as anger towards this woman and THAT, my friend, is entirely UNFAIR....

Good luck to you hon, and I hope you and your daughter get the help you will need to get through this.


i didn't mean to come accross as caring only about money issues.  my daughter superseeds anything in this world.  but when i am a single mom taking care of my daughter and trying to survive,   it is about the money .  i don't make $60,000 or $90,000 a year.  I make between $20,000 and $40,000.  what it boils down to is the fact that my daughter will have to deal with this for the rest of her life.  she will probably have to have counseling for the rest of her life, and if that is what she needs, i will make sure she gets it.  but why should my daughter have to suffer having TO deal with this for the rest of her life, while he sits back getting something good out of it.  ie.  money while he is sitting in jail.

i have worked with the dfs, police departments and prosecuting attorney from day one.  i made sure i gave them ALL the information i had, to help them as best as i could.  i am still working with them and will continue to.  

not too many people do know what to say, but  i appreciate any help,  support, (and if you believe in God) prayers.


As far as the arrearages and what the state paid for your daughter,, I dont think there is any way to erase that. It's levied against you and Im afraid you will either be forced to pay it or serve time. Regardless of your ex molesting your daughter. That has no bearing on what you owe.

It's a problem too many parents face. pay up or go to jail,, and trust me, they WILL incarcerate you.

As far as your ex....if he did this, he will definately have a pleasant time in prison. Videotaped evidense? Of him sexually molesting his daughter??? If that truly exists, then its a slamdunk case.

Your daughter ,,no words will ever do there. Get her the help she needs.