I have a court date!....a bit of a rant and a few questions....

[thairagain]

I finally have a court date to take my x to court for not paying CS for over 10 years.  The date is April 26th in VA Beach, VA; I live in Richmond and have for 9 yrs.  I plan on going to the court date and AFTER the proceedings, requesting a jurisdiction change.  The manager at DCSE specifically suggested that I ask for the jurisdiction change after the judge has a made a ruling on the case, otherwise, if I request it first, then the judge will rule on the jurisdiction change only and then I'd have to wait for a new court date in Richmond to have a ruling on the CS portion of the case.  My question is this........what if (and it is HIGHLY likely) my x doesn't show for this court date????  Should I keep it in VA Beach until the judge is able to rule on the CS portion or go ahead and request a jurisdiction change no matter what?  My thinking is this.....I should keep it in VA Beach until I get a ruling on the CS, because the inconveince of traveling to me is minor at this point, but I think if I change the jurisdiction prior to a ruling, then the likelyhood of the x traveling to Richmond in the future is extremely minute.  Therefore, it would reduce my chances even more of ever getting him into court.  What do you guys think????  

My next question is this......in 1990 the x was ordered to pay $50.00 a week in support for two children.  He has MAYBE made about 5 payments w/in the last 14 years and absolutely NOTHING for the last 10 years.  He currently owes me over $40,000.  Do you guys think it would be futal to request an increase in support?  If not, should I request it at this court date or wait and do it separately?  Support of $200 a month for two teenage boys is diddly......sigh....  I don't think that he has the financial means to pay the current support, honestly, much less an increase, though.  The subpeana that I received to appear in court shows his current address (I never knew where he lived until now).  The address listed on the subpeana is in a very low income part of the city.  I don't want to come across to the judge as a money grubber, yet the man has been paying NOTHING for sooooo very long!  What should I do?

Last question......the subpeana states that DCSE is requesting the following rulings a)that the x be "imprisoned, fined or otherwise punished and b) be adjudicated in contempt of court and dealt with according to law for failure to obey an order of the court since 12/1/1990.  This is the first time I've taken him to court since about 1992.  What do you think the likelyhood of the x getting jail time a) if he shows....b) if he doesn't show????

Thair

[oklahoma]

From what you have written, requesting an increase of CS seems ridiculous.  If you don't think your ex has the financial means to even pay what is ordered, why ask for more?  Go through the courts or whatever to get him paying what he is supposed to in the first place.  Obviously, getting a higher number on paper is not going to translate to your receiving a bigger check, since he is unable--and/or unwilling--to pay the original amount.  And really that does nothing to help your children.

My husband's ex waited until we had lost a business and my husband missed his first child support payments in 7 years.  Then she dragged the modification process out so long that my husband had gotten a new job, so we had to pay the higher CS for the several months he was not employed.  The system already sucks.  Don't contribute to the problem.

[thairagain]

Oh.....okay......let's see ......I would be contributing to the problem????  Hmmmmm.....he refuses to pay CS for over 10 years; quits a job whenever DCSE finally finds him so he doesn't have to pay, and runs w/ his tail between his legs whenever the words CS "responsiblity" enters in his realm of conversations.  Through his lack of "responsibility" I was forced to stay on welfare for 5 years and accept society's help in return for "not contributing to the problem????"  You are right.....don't contribute....just accept that I am part of it?????  NOT ANYMORE!!!

Now.....on the other hand.... I am a step mom, so I have been on the receiving end of paying CS when we really can't afford it.  If I determine that he can't pay a higher amount and/or has other children now to care for as well, then I do have a heart.  I won't go for any more support; I will just request what he was ordered to pay 14 yrs ago.  I am just in the thinking stages right now.

Thank you for your comments......

[jilly]

I think the point that was being made is the fact that he can't/won't pay his current support obligation.  You yourself said that he's $40,000 in arrears.  If he can't get his CURRENT support obligation caught up what makes you think it will be any better if he's ordered to pay MORE CS?  You are obviously frustrated by this situation. I would be too if I was in your shoes. However, I agree that it would only make matters worse by going for a modification to increase CS.  Does your State allow for forgiveness and/or reduction is past due CS? It may be the best option you have of at least getting SOMETHING from your ex. If I was a father (which would be a neat trick in iteself since I'm female! LOL) who had such a huge past due support obligation I wouldn't attempt to catch it up either. I'd still be making payments after I was dead! If you can get what he owes down to a reasonable amount, THEN I would look in to getting his CS increased.  

With regards to your jurisdiction question, I'd do like the caseworker (or whoever she is) suggested. Get the hearing over and done with and THEN request the change of venue/jurisdiction.

It sounds like your ex is deliberately underemployed to keep from paying CS.  If that's the case, then he's most likely going to end up doing time in jail for contempt of court.

[Indigo Mom]

The jurisdiction thing is entirely up to you.  If the travel isn't too big an issue for ya, leave it where it is.  Ya never know...one day, your ex "might" show for court!  LOL

-----in 1990 the x was ordered to pay $50.00 a week in support for two children. He has MAYBE made about 5 payments w/in the last 14 years and absolutely NOTHING for the last 10 years. He currently owes me over $40,000. Do you guys think it would be futal to request an increase in support? -----

My daughters father has paid a whooping $50 to her, and that was in July of '99.  Since then, the total amount due her has gone up up and away.  He R-E-F-U-S-E-S to support her...oh heck, he refuses to be a father, but that's another issue I could go on for hours about.  Anyway, he owes her $137 per month...the "real" amount should be a bit over $300.  I recently thought to myself..."self...get it where it's supposed to be.  Why give him a break?"  My self responded..."why bother, he ain't payin what he owes her anyway".  "self" won the argument...I won't even go for a modification, because it's pointless.  If I "stretched" that 50 bucks over the past 4 1/2 years, he "did" actually pay 0.02 cents per day for her.  Not bad, eh?  LOL

I've erased over 3k in arrears away, his daddy dearest thought that would give him an "incentive" to start supporting her.  Nope...he's at almost 5k in arrears now, AGAIN.  I'll stick with what he owes her and that's that.  I know "why" you feel your ex should be held to a higher amount...but he isn't paying the first amount, and anything higher isn't going to be paid either.  Blow the doofus off.

-----Last question......the subpeana states that DCSE is requesting the following rulings a)that the x be "imprisoned, fined or otherwise punished and b) be adjudicated in contempt of court and dealt with according to law for failure to obey an order of the court since 12/1/1990. This is the first time I've taken him to court since about 1992. What do you think the likelyhood of the x getting jail time a) if he shows....b) if he doesn't show????-----

Here's the thing.  He's not paying support now.  If he goes to jail, he won't be paying support.  If he gets a slap on the wrist he won't pay support.  Face it...the lump will not pay support.  That's something you've got to get square with.  You have your children, you're supporting them, raising them, getting the love from them.  He's not.  He's a lump.  I "do" believe a parent should support AND raise their children...but sometimes...ya just hafta let a lump be a lump.  If you try to "get" something out of a lump, the only thing you'll get is a migraine.  

[Indigo Mom]

I just did the calculations...and if I did 'em right...those 5 payments he "did" make come out to approximately 20 cents per day.  My daughter gets 0.02 cents!

Sheesh...people like you complaining...i just don't understand it.

(just kiddin, darlin.....)

;)

[thairagain]

I understand where everyone is coming from.  Honestly, increasing the support is my LAST priority.  If I would even call it a priority......  I was just thinking out loud.  You guys are right, though.  These are the same points that my dh has made.  I do know one thing though.....I WILL NOT forgive the current support obligation in any way!!!!!  In my opinion, it is his own fault that the arrears is as high as it is now.  Forgiving any portion of a measly $50 a week support order will only be rewarding him for his lack of responsibility and encourage other's to just simply "ignore" their obligation until the CP becomes frustrated enough to give up.  Years ago as a single mom I didn't have the financial means to continue taking days off from work and take him to court only for him to either not show or to claim that he didnt have a job.  I say "claim" cause I knew that he did; he was just simply working under the table to prevent a garnishment.  After 2 years of this type of thing I decided to "just get on w/ my life" and stop tieing up my emotional and financial energy.  It's been 10 years now.  I still live at the same address; have the same phone number....etc......  NO EXCUSES and yet no support.  When DCSE found out where he worked last July and sent his employer a garnishment notification, the x showed that he still intends to try to run from his obligations by quiting his job to prevent a garnishment.  The time has come for him to stop running....and if he has to pay this until he is dead....then so be it.....sorry if that sounds cold but I didn't make these children by myself and yet I've been taking care of them as if I had.

Thank you for your comments.

[oklahoma]

From your original post, it sounded as if you have already decided the ex can't afford more--you made the point that he was living in a lower-income part of town.  That was the reason I responded.

In my opinion, there are two very distinct problems in the child support system.  The more obvious one is fathers--NCPs--who refuse to pay child support.  Many, many laws have been created and enforced to take care of that problem.  Obviously, laws and enforcement are not perfect and situations like yours occur.  You have legal recourse--such as getting your ex thrown in jail--and the sympathy of many.  Obviously he still has some agency--barely--to decide that he still doesn't want to pay.

However, the laws created to take care of that first problem have created the second problem--unreasonable CS amounts that break NCPs and their second families.  Quite frankly, NCPs who simply refuse to pay CS are in the minority.  And yet, NCPs--unlike any other citizen in the US--have no say in how CS is spent on their children, have wages garnished, tax returns withheld, licenses revoked, jail time, etc. etc.  Society is not on the side of the father who does not have custody of his children.  That is the problem to which I was referring.  I apologize for not clarifying.

And as a side note... my family also received state assistance--at one point it was the exact amount that my husband was ordered to pay to child support.  Go figure!

[thairagain]

Thank you, Indigo.  Now I know that I'm not the only one who has had conversations w/ my"self" in referance to this situation! lol

Okay, okay.....you guys have convinced me on the increase part....I won't go for an increase....no matter what...it would be futal.

Actually, me and my"self" had yet another conversation that it appears you and your "self" didn't talk about....tee hee....(this is fun!)

Me: If the x gets jail time for this, then you definately won't get support since he then won't be working.

Self: But, honey, you aren't getting support anyway so what does it matter?  Maybe "bubba" (his roommate in jail) will convince him of the need to pay his support obligation to prevent having to visit him (bubba) in jail again.....

Me: LOL..... you are right self....him being in jail will not change the fact that I'm not currently receiving support anyway!  I will hope for jail time and a "pep talk" from bubba!

Thanks for your humerous comments!

[thairagain]

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