Question for Custodial Parents

[Giggles]

I have NO qualms about accounting for where I spend the CS I receive...when I receive it that is...sigh.

And like CinB says, things like rent, electricity, water/other utilities should be included in the calculations because the child is using those things.  I'm not saying that if a 2 bedroom apartment is $800 a month that the child's portion should be $400!!  The childs portion should be the difference between the cost of a 1 bdrm and a 2 bedroom.  So say in that same complex you could get a 1 bdrm apartment for $700 a month then the childs portion of the 2 bedroom is only $100 per month because the CP would have to provide housing for themselves anyway.

The last time my CS was reviewed was when it was set over 8 years ago.  I have recently asked my X if we couldn't discuss raising the support without involving the court because as DS gets older there are things he wishes to do that I just cannot afford.  I even gave X a breakdown of ALL of DS's expenses to show him how little of DS's upkeep he pays.  This was all brought on by me asking if he could pay 1/2 of the cost for DS to attend Tae Kwon Do or increasing CS by $60 (going from $275 a month to $335 a month).  It's frustrating because X wrote back saying the only time he hears from me is when I want $$ ( completely forgetting the times I tell him about DS's report cards, Parent/Teacher talks, etc).  I do e-mail him on occasion when it's getting towards the end of the month and I haven't received the CS that was due at the 1st of the month (reminds me...I need to send a reminder e-mail to him..cuz I still haven't gotten a thing...grrr).  X also only visits with DS 1x per year (summer) and yet got a break on his CS because he's responsible for travel costs (he moved away).  He doesn't have to foot for DS's "other" costs like b-day parties he's invited to, his B-day party, school supplies, school clothes, medical co-pays, Easter bunny stuff, stocking stuffers at christmas and just general "ooh that is soo neat" stuff that makes kids happy.  It's these things that I think a lot of NCP's don't think about and some CP's go overboard and punish NCP's with.

It's not easy one party thinks it's too much $$ the other thinks it's not enough.  And I have YET to see a "formula" that truly meets the NEED of the child.

[melissa3]

OMG! I wish I could trade our BM for all of you!!!!

All fiance wants is to get along with BM and to help raise his child. I can't express to you how depressed he is becuase he hasn't seen his daughter. When we pick out toys to send his daughter fiance gets so miserable becuase he knows he wont see the excitement on her face when she opens the surprise. And to top it off, BM doesn't care that he drops things off she just asks when she's going to get the support check and gets mad when I sign the card!!

Fiance doesn't hear about birthday parties, sleep-overs or events until a month later, unless his daughter tells him about it. Bm wants money to fund these things but she won't tell fiance about it in advance!!

To be honest, I really can't figure out what the BM wants from fiance. (I do know she doesn't want me around, but that's to be expected.)

1.She wants fiance to be involved but she wont give him the opportunity.

2.She want's him to see their daughter but she denies visitation.

3.She wants him to call his daughter but, when he does, BM viciously harrasses him over the phone.

What is he supposed to do!?!?!?!

[Giggles]

I think I would write a book for every NCP to follow.  Your PB is crazy and sounds extremely controlling.  She wants things done her way or no way...ugh.  Not a very good environment for the kids but since your NCP you have to play nice because CP's tend to have the power :-(

As a Mom, Cp and Ncp...I realize how important that other parent is in my child's life!!  Sadly, not all people feel the same.  If something were to happen to my DS...HIS FATHER would be the FIRST person I call.  When DS has school pictures...I order extra to send to his father, his father's family and I pay for them (these are usually what DS sends to his Dad for Christmas).  If DS gets sick (cold or what have you), I send his father an e-mail so in case if he wants to call and see how DS is doing (this has never happened *rolling eyes*).  Thankfully, my DS has never needed hospital care, but if he did, I would call his father on my way to the hospital...then once I knew something I would call him again.  Why do I do this??  

Because...This is the way I would want to be treated if I were NCP!!!

[wendl]

only a portion of it, as what the difference between a one and two bedroom are a PORTION of the utilities (we all know our kids leave every light in the house on)


I have no problem providing my ex with what I spend the cs on, hell I would give him copies of the receipts (if he paid cs)

**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**

[melissa3]

If we ask BM to keep a log of child care I'm sure she will just see this as a strike against her.  

What is the probability of us getting this mandated in the court order?

I'm dead-sure we can prove the advantages......

[wysiwyg]

Here is my opimion:

1.  we pay the ex nearly 50% of hubby's paycheck for child.  When the divorce was final, she got the house and a new van that were 100% paid for with money hubby brought to the marriage, which is documented in the final order that she contributed NOTHING to the marriage financially, so her 1,000 a month in CS was for what?  The child wore torn ripped too small clothes to school and to us, she went out and purchased a new van.  The money we gave her was used to fight us in court for the last 12 years.

2.  Why do NCP's not get CS when child is with them?  NCP's have rent/mortgage to keep a home for the child to come visit, I doubt any court would allow parenting times if NCP lived in a box by the tracks.  Even when courts give 50% abatements for long parenting times when the child is with them it seems totally senseless that they have to pay CS for a child that is with them, when that money could be used to pay the increased costs of food, bills, clothes, movies, or vacations that are incurred whenthe child is with NCP.

3.  I remember a situation where my ex's father married a woman that had a child whose dad was wrongfully killed in a bike accident that awarded the child a large settlement.  Since the mother was mentally challanged, the funds were put in a trust and an attorney as executor of the trust.  The mother was to buy things for the child that were necessary and send the receipts to the attorney for reimbursement. My ex father in law used to stand outside department stores and pick up the receipts that fell to the ground and send them to the attorney to get the funds wrongfully.  How was anyone to determine what was actually for the child or not?  Thet's kinda like documenting the money isnt it?

I am not sure what the answer is or should be, it is too much of a gray area.  

[Stirling]

Why does you SO what to know how CS is spent?

What does he hope to gain or change from having such knowledge?



Typically a CP is under no legal obligation to either account for how CS is spent, or to spend CS on the children.  Given the lack of legal support I suggest that you let the issue go and accept that your fiance has absolutely no say in how CS is spent.  

As far as what CPs would say if they were asked to give an accountling goes, I think it is safe to say that the CPs who receive small amounts of CS would have no problem giving an accounting, and those that receive large amounts of CS are likely to refuse.  

[Stirling]

"The childs portion should be the difference between the cost of a 1 bdrm and a 2 bedroom."

My personal opinion is that CS shouldn't be used to pay mortgage or rent since the NCP has to provide living space for the child during parenting time.  The NCP has to pay for the extra space even when the child isn't with them.  Also, I don't feel that CS should be used to purchase the CP a home.  

Both parents need to provide a home for their child so I feel any extra expense to do so should be a wash.  Therefore, no CS should be spent on rent or mortgage.

[Giggles]

In a perfect world you would be right.  But if this WAS a perfect world, would CS even be needed???  

I happen to know for a fact that the NCP in my case does not provide an additional room for my DS.  I on the other hand being an NCP to my OD, do provide a room for her in my home.

Had I not had children...whewww weeeee I'd be VERY WELL OFF :-)  But, I do have them and it's upon me to provide the majority of their care.

[Stirling]

Yup Giggles...you are absolutely correct that in a perfect world we wouldn't need CS.

To be honest I think that we are in some what different places on this issue based upon magnitude.  From what you have posted you would have no problem showing that your children directly benefited from how you spend the CS you receive and you probably wouldn't even have to consider rent/mortgage in doing so.

In my situation CS is the largest expense that I have each month.  To put it in perspective, what I pay in CS is 1/3 larger than my mortgage payment which includes insurance and tax escrows.  It would probably be difficult or even impossible for my Ex to show that our children receive a direct benefit from all the CS that I pay.  I have never asked, but it is probably safe to say that my Ex would refuse to give me any type of an accounting.  Besides, in her mind I am a deadbeat, good-time Dad and she is supporting our children all by herself, so there's no need for an accounting.