school issue

[hagatha]

guys,

my daughters bil is having a problem with his ex. this particular problem concerns school. the child is in kindergarten and because the new gf got the boy in a charter school, momy dearest wanted him in a catholic school where dad will have to pay tuition.

Last week was the 1st week of school and dad was away on business. He made arrangements with his famiy to take care of the boy and get him to school.

The mother decided since dad wasn't home she would not return the boy to dad's home. Also she decided he didn't need school. (or she didn't feel like getting up) So the child did not go to school the entire week. (also this was the 1st time in 2 months she had the boy for more than a couple hours. he has been at dad's most of the summer)

I should note last yr while in preschool the boy was either absent or very late on moms days. Also mom failed to pick up the child from the after school program most of her days often calling the dad right before they closed telling him to pick the boy up, which incurred a huge late fee.

The mother had her friend friend drop the child off friday afternoon, the family wasn't home and there was a sitter at dad's house taking care of my grand children. BTW this is her weekend, but she had plans.

The parenting schedule is tues night, wed, thurs till dinner, & eow to dad. So he can reasonably expect mom will not take the child to school during her parenting time. Or he will be late by several hours.

Does anyone think he should be able to get an exparte custody order for primary and weekends to mom, to ensure the child gets to school everyday or is kindergarten not a big deal

The Witch

[Davy]

Absolutely !!  Child wins !!   Irregardless of the student's grade level.

[MixedBag]

exparte means the other party isn't present.

I just requested an exparte hearing this past summer for my situation and received a letter from the judge that said something close to this:

Since there is an order in place, I can't have an exparte hearing anymore.

So...not sure that the court/judge would grant an exparte hearing.

But I do believe that if mom behaves like this on a child's school day, that dad's proposal will be granted.

[Kent]

Why is Dad away on business during the entire 1st week of school? Even with a good support system, being away that long (especially if it is on a regular basis) will be a huge negative.

What does the custody order say? Is there a "right of first refusal" in it? If so, then he should not even have made plans with relatives, as the mother would have the right to care for the child in his absence.

Who has legal custody, and/or primary residency?

Needless to say, mommy's behavior does not serve the best interest of the child. However, dad's business travel will be a huge factor, depending on how frequent and how long he is gone.

And it being Kindergarten, it all depends on the judge, how important he believes it is. It's still not first grade...

Kent!

[knoot7]

The business travel can be a factor.

Just so know the lack of education/not providing education can be seen as child neglect. At least in NYS.

I have been dealing withmy SS not getting to school for years. All we could do was show the dates and mark what dates were who's time. We tracked this for years. Judge thoughtt nothing of it cause SS grades were "ok"...they declined but not considerable enough for the judge.

The judge got frustrated with DH for not trying to address with the mother first and going to court first. So this year, DH wrote a letter sent via fedex (certified mailed took too long and BM didn't own a car to pick letter up when she missed the delivery) and DH requested for son to live with us during the school week. He wrote the letter as not to attack..only providing facts. Took some negotiating and several challenges but we put the letters in the form that she would be able to recognize the benefit for her even though it was all for SS. She finally agreed the week before school started.

Our first letter provided insight as to the dates which SS missed or was late to school, marked which dates were associated with BM and us in specific colors... it was clearly shown that everyday that SS missed school was all on her days for the last two years...... I realize daughter is only in kendergarten and you would like to nip this quickly.... but you may need to show a pattern of behavoir to the judge. ALL of the letters were provided to the law guardian which shows the attempt to keep it out of court.

[hagatha]

hey,

Dad had no choice with travel. Part of the new job. Also dad had lost several jobs in the last 2 yrs because mommy dearest would show up at the house with son and drop him off on the porch. (knowing someone was home and son would not be left outside) Dad has been afraid to do anything because as soon as he tries mommy dearest files for a RO and things get screwed.

The new job pays very well and there is a CS arrearage he is trying to pay off. Philly doesn't do ROR usually.

They have shared custody with mother having primary on paper, and they have shared legal.

BTW mommy showed up this morning to pick up the child so she could keep him home from school agasin. Tecnically this is her day. Dad refused to return the child stating he would be taking him to school today. The grandmother was there also and had her own discussion with mother about how the child has been in her home all summer and the incident Friday. Mother called the police, but they said the child must go to school and mother could face truanncy problems. She argurd but dad still took child to school.

New question.
Since dad's new job does involve travel and some early morning hours if he would petition for primary could he name his mother as guardian in his absence so mommy deares can't disregard school again??

The Witch

[mistoffolees]

>hey,
>
>Dad had no choice with travel. Part of the new job. Also dad
>had lost several jobs in the last 2 yrs because mommy dearest
>would show up at the house with son and drop him off on the
>porch. (knowing someone was home and son would not be left
>outside) Dad has been afraid to do anything because as soon as
>he tries mommy dearest files for a RO and things get screwed.

Sorry, if father travels frequently, it could become an issue- no matter how good his reason for traveling.

Restraining orders shouldn't be an issue. If mother can prove enough to get a valid order, then there's something going on that is relevant. If mother can't prove anything, you can ignore her filings - particularly after a couple of failed attempts. Using fears of a potential restraining order as an excuse doesn't wash.

>
>The new job pays very well and there is a CS arrearage he is
>trying to pay off. Philly doesn't do ROR usually.

None of which is relevant to the issue of custody.

>
>They have shared custody with mother having primary on paper,
>and they have shared legal.
>
>BTW mommy showed up this morning to pick up the child so she
>could keep him home from school agasin. Tecnically this is her
>day. Dad refused to return the child stating he would be
>taking him to school today. The grandmother was there also and

Then Dad was in contempt of court. Period.

>had her own discussion with mother about how the child has
>been in her home all summer and the incident Friday. Mother
>called the police, but they said the child must go to school
>and mother could face truanncy problems. She argurd but dad
>still took child to school.

You deal with that by addressing the issue. Take the mother to court for not getting the kid to school. Dealing with it by taking the law into your own hands (keeping the kid even though it's the mother's day) is likely to lead to contempt of court - AND make it more difficult to get the real issue straightened out.

>
>New question.
>Since dad's new job does involve travel and some early morning
>hours if he would petition for primary could he name his
>mother as guardian in his absence so mommy deares can't
>disregard school again??

Not likely. Even if father gets primary custody, mother is still going to have greater rights than grandmother.

The way to deal with this is to ask the court to penalize the mother if she doesn't take the kid to school. Trying to take away more of her rights as a vendetta doesn't accomplish anything.

>
>The Witch


Says a lot.

[MixedBag]

Mist,

skip the personal bashing regarding her name, ok?

Usually you give great advice.

Hagatha has been here since the beginning of time and didn't deserve that.

[mistoffolees]

>Mist,
>
>skip the personal bashing regarding her name, ok?

Well, she chooses to call herself 'the witch' and then, IMHO, acts that way in her post.

[Kent]

Other than your last comment, for once I agree with you, Mist.

I had a traveling job when I separated, highly specialized equipment installations, approx. 25% of the time. Knowing that this would be an issue, I told my employer I would not travel anymore until custody was settled.
He didn't like it, but I made it clear to him that there was no room for negotiation there. If he didn't like it, he could fire me. He didn't. We did negotiate a 45% pay cut, which hurt a lot, but I managed.

I made my son my priority, and in the end it paid off.
He only has one daughter. There are jobs everywhere. It's all about setting priorities.
And if he sets the right priorities, he has a good chance of obtaining custody, after which he will not have to pay CS anymore. That alone justifies a 40% pay cut.

Kent!