custody for teen father

[cuppa7]

This may be a unique situation to this board, but any help would be appreciated. My teenage son is about to become a father around the end of March. The mother of his former girlfriend is trying to gain partial custody of this baby and only limited visitation for my son. My son wants to be a part of his child's life 100% and we want to support his efforts in every way we can. The mother of the mom-to-be does not want my son involved in the baby's life and has stated this many times. This mother has stated she has an agreement drawn up by her attorney that gives her partial custody with her daughter but nothing for my son. We were advised by an attorney we met with that no custody order can proceed or be determined until the child is born. This paper seems to be on ongoing threat of some sort as they mention this in any conversation with either us (parents) or my son. We have met with this mother and her ex husband and she stated her reason for wanting partial custody was to add the baby onto her health insurance plan. We do not believe this. We found info for free health coverage for the baby, but the mother is refusing it. We have offered help both financially and materially to this mother and daughter but keep getting refused. Is there anyone that could advise us on father's rights? My son has stated he would like to have shared physical custody with the mom-to-be. The mother has made a career of going into court anytime something comes up regarding her daughter and custody issues. We would like to avoid this but I don't see that happening. There are so many issues surrounding this family and we are genuinely concerned for the baby's emotional welfare. Any help is greatly appreciated.

[Indigo Mom]

-----The mother has made a career of going into court anytime something comes up regarding her daughter and custody issues. -----

How can the mother make a career of this when the child isn't born yet?  Does your sons pregnant ex girlfriend have more children?  

[Kitty C.]

Because she's already been thru the process MULTIPLE times with her ex, no doubt...........

Poor mom-to-be, a product of her environment and a child without her father in her life, I bet........

[Peanutsdad]

Currently as the child is not yet bORN,, they are blowin smoke up yer bums,, its all a bluff.

BUT, I would expect that the grandma has quite enough experience in family court to make your lives a living hell,,, count on it.

As SOON as the child is born,, several things you and your son absolutely HAVE to do:

1. File a request for dna test, ( as much as 33% of supposed fathers,, aint).

2. File custody paperwork and a parenting plan. Make sure your son knows what he wants in the way of custody/visitation.

3. As SOON as the dna test confirms,, he needs to figure out what 20% of his gross income after state, and federal taxes are,,,and begin paying cs WITH a check or money order clearly marked,, as child support. DO NOT give cash!!!! It will be considered a gift.


Simple fact of the matter is this,, IF he is the father, they cannot keep him out of the childs life so long as he files for his rights.

[cuppa7]

Thanks for your suggestions. In regards to the mother going in and out of court multiple times; yes that is in regards to her ex husband. They have been battling with custody for 10 years. The daughter wanted to live with her father at one point , but her mother refused. Anyway, no, my son does not have any other children. We have received info from this mother's friends and one family member of hers, as to what we can look forward to dealing with. My main point for posting was to find out if anyone has any info on father's rights groups or teen parent groups. My son is enrolled in a parenting class where they will assist him throughout the baby's first year. He is also being given a baby shower (or daddy shower as the case may be) by our family and friends. He wants to be completely involved in every way of this child's life. We thought a father's rights group might be able to offer some insight as to what he can expect and maybe rely on. But thanks to you all for replying.

[Peanutsdad]

I think you are missing part of the point here. Maternity is the ONLY parentage that is known without a doubt.  I strongly urge him to have dna tests done prior to accepting responsibility.

As far as fathers rights groups,, look locally to find any local organizations. Teen parents,, I have no clue about.


Essentially, we ARE giving you some idea what he can expect. We are also giving you the advise learned by more parents in the custody fights than I care to think about. I cannot stress enough that your son needs to seek legal counsel and have an attorney ensure his rights.

[cuppa7]

I beg to differ. We already know that paternity has to be established once a custody application is filed. This is a given in our state, so there is no need to discuss or question that issue. We did consult an attorney, but this person was not knowledgable about father's rights and clearly stated she was only interested in what the mother wants. Common sense tells us to move on. We have now been referred to an attorney that does support father's rights, but still need to convince our anitquated court system that they do exist.  I did not come here seeking legal advice. I am looking for groups that could be of help to my son. Even literature could be of assistance. We live in a small rural area that does not offer teenage parenting groups or teenage father's groups. The only thing my son has as far as a group setting at this time is the parenting class he is taking. The person running this class has stated they do not know how far they can go in being an advocate for my son when it comes to court proceedings. Because so many fathers are on this site I thought some may have contacted groups, even national that may be of assistance. Perhaps I came to the wrong location for support of father's rights. I strongly support father's rights. I believe parenting is an equal partnership and fathers are extremely important in their children's lives. I really do not believe that females are automatically qualified to be the better parent. I do believe that motherhood is a learning process. And yes I should know as I am the proud mother of 4 children and 2 grandchildren with a third grandchild on the way. But I have seen many times where children would be better off in the custody of their father. And it is very sad that in the year 2004 there isn't more out there to assist fathers. The Father's Rights Initiative is in place in our state, but the court system has apparently not caught up with that. Thank you for your insight, but I do believe this is not the place to look for assistance with support groups.

[Indigo Mom]

-----Common sense tells us to move on. -----

Actually, you'd be wrong if you and your son "move on" because the mother will take this to court, she will get child support out of your son, and it will be high if he has "moved on" and doesn't spend time with his child like he wants.  She will have him by his testicles for the next 18 years.  If he chooses to "stick around", it will be a fight for his child, but a fight well worth the effort.  Instead of listening to "fathers rights attorneys", who, by the way, want what's in your wallet (as any attorney)..you should listen to people who have NOTHING to gain from talking to you...that would be us...

-----I did not come here seeking legal advice. -----

Sorry to hear that, as your son is about to stroll through one heck of a brutal "legal" system.  I believe you can get "more" from a site such as this...as just about everyone here as BTDT and can give your son advice on how "they" went through the system.

-----Perhaps I came to the wrong location for support of father's rights. -----

You'd be dead wrong.  You managed to find the best shared parenting site ever...IMO.  You can't go to court with a fathers rights "attitude" if you have no knowledge...that which you can find here.

-----Thank you for your insight, but I do believe this is not the place to look for assistance with support groups.-----

If you're looking to have your son involved in his childs life...you've come to the right place.  But, you're free to move on to another site, if you choose.

[kiddosmom]

-----Common sense tells us to move on. -----

when she said this she was saying they moved on from that lawyer, not the child.

[Peanutsdad]

Problem being,, if they go to court with a "fathers rights" attitude, or that the court system is antiquated,, odds are good they will get hammered.

How many times have we seen that happen here? A poster comes in full of idealism, and is back 6 months later bemoaning the judge who just raped em.

Simple fact of the matter is this,, the childs maternal grandmother has definately got the experience in the court arena,, so much so that she was able to defeat a years long custody fight herself. The childs mother is young, and assumably not had time to generate a negative history for herself, thus, shes golden too.

From the poster, I get the impression that these two women intend to make life difficult for the dad and family,, so not attending to the realities of custody fights, visitation interference, repeated trips back to court,, the child support burden this kid is going to find himself under,,,tells me they have a rough road ahead.

While having a babyshower and seeking local fathers rights support groups is all fine and dandy, that doesnt do a thing for what this father needs. The fathers rights groups have no power to actually help him,, at least none I've seen do. Nor any I've heard of.

I'm sorry poster, but there are no national fathers rights groups with some awesome power base,, there are no effective political action committees for fathers rights, there is no spokesman that can come into your antiquated court and wave a magic wand.


What there IS however,, is this site. Perhaps the only one like it with any decent resources. What there is, is more parents than I care to count, who have been there and done that. I can think of several posters offhand that came in with your exact story, some took heed and educated themselves, others did not.

Whether or not you do, means little to me, because, the sad fact is,,,there will be others to come behind you, and we who are here, will offer the advise, again and again and again. Some will learn,, and perhaps wrestle a decent deal out of the courts,, others wont. Some will return here to share their stories, their defeats, their victories, spread the knowledge of their area to others to perhaps make the next parents trip into the same courts,, not quite as bad.

Good luck to you and your son. :)