Joint custody??? Not a good route for the kids?

[christa00]

  Me and my ex haved joint custody,shared and physical. In April he met and started dating a woman, 3 months later her and her daughter moved in with him, much to my daughters discontent. Anothert 3 months later girlfriend was pregnant! Again my daughter was upset. I should tell you I do not like this woman, not because I know her but what i know of her. My ex has always called me to take our daughter when he had to work or if something came up. Now he uses girlfriend as his sittert. SShe even takes my daughter to and from school while on visits with dad. Joint custody does not work unless the parents work together. I am finding that impossible, coordinating healthcare is near impossible when he disagrees with everything. Anyone else with joint custody issues?

[ocean]

You really need to think this out. Are you remarried? Does he help out with your daughter? It is the same thing...
You should be thankful that she wants to be involved in your daughters school and activities. His week/visitation is his time. You would have to prove she is unfit. As a step-mom and and bio-mom I have been on both sides of this. They had a child together and that is not your business. This is your daughter's sibling and her father is moving on with his life. He is including her since he has half physical custody and does not need your permission on his days. Please remember that you are getting your info from a child that wants to make you happy. Maybe call the girlfriend on the phone and have a conversation? or confront your ex on a particular issue with your daughter there so she does not play the two parents.

Medical- Depends..what are we talking about here? Medication issues? Appointments?

[christa00]

 should have been more clear. Yes I am remarried and have an 8 month old son. The issues arising and getting worse by the day are that daughter has been in therapy since aug. due to girlfriend, don't really know what exactly is going on. All I ever get is" I just don't like her".  I assume this is because girlfriend and girlfriend's daughter take up her time with her dad, but none the less, my ex did not take our child's best intrest into mind when he started dating. He lied and told her he was going to stay single, then when he started dating he told her he had to start his life and she would have to deal with it. Then they moved in and he told her things would get easier then she got pregnant and he told her things would get better. Health care I mean dental for instance, last june our daughter was referred for braces, ex refused so we didn't go, this past january referred again, and it took going to court to get him to agree on the appointment. then she got a rash, treated at pediatrician then supposed to see an Allergist which of coarse he calls to complain to doctor about why the pediatrician cannot handle it. we look like idiots alot due to his constant complaints. he doesn't provide med. insurance i do,nor does he pay the bills, i do. nor does he pay child support or anything else. Today I find out girlfriend cannot take daughter to or from school as she is not a parent or gaurdian, so of coarse more money is spent on evals and emergency relief orders as child states she only wants parents taking her to and from school. What a mess!

[ocean]

Why cant you bring daughter on your time to dr and if he takes it to court...have the dr referral to give to court??? Or file for dental/medical decisions to be made by you but keep the visits the same?

What do you mean, parents can only bring kids to school? That is not true, each parent can put down their own emergency people for their time when child is in their custody.

Sounds like your daughter is not coping with her father and new family. What is the counselor saying? Does father go in with her to work out these issues? Can girlfriend go in on a session to talk it out with the therapist?

[christa00]

I have to have permission and consent on everything. Our lawyers have told us we can go into contempt if the other parent is not informed on everything. It clearly states this in our custody order. Neither of us can make a decision on our daughter with the others consent. That is why the order was filed today because my ex knows I am available to get child to school and stay with her after school till he is done working. Why have her with his girlfriend if I am available? Good question, and when I asked him his response was "get over it". That was when I think I realized I have had enough! Before girlfriend He would always ask me to take her for him, I don't nor will I ever cosent to girlfriend being a sitter when I am able to take my child.

[ocean]

What order was filed today?  (little confused)
He is right though...just like if you went to the store or had to work overtime on your "time" , you husband should be allowed to watch your daughter. The medical part needs to be addressed in court though...You should be able to use the dentist and whatever else you have, to get the medical part changed. Since her dental issues were put off for months should be enough. Do you have that in writing from dentist? and her pediatrician?

[christa00]

 An emergency relief order. My ex cannot with the guidelines of joint custody just  take out child and leave her with a woman he has only been dating for 10 months. There are millions of other things pertaining to custody but this infuriates me as I am avaiabe and he must give me the right of 1rst refusal.

[ocean]

What does it say in your order for 1st right of refusal? You already have that part? We have it too but Dh is allowed to leave them home with me (but we are married). Be careful ...it goes both ways so you can not leave her with your Dh either...although the courts may tell you that since they live together it is okay. Ask for this as part of the new order but really go after the medical part and get that changed. If ex gets married you will have to deal with her for the rest of your life, at all major functions.

[christa00]

According to the lawyers, as long as a parent is available the other parent must call them first if they will be gone more than 3 hours. I do not know my ex's girlfriend so therefore i do not want my child left with her. The girlfriend seems ntimidated by me, but i think she is going by looks.  I cannot help her self esteem is low, or so I assume. She seems to think I want my ex back and that is why this is all going on. She couldn't be farther from the truth.

[ocean]

You don't have to know her though. I really do not know my dh's ex. I have limited contact with her. Your child has two parents and Dad has a say on who he leaves her with. If you push this, then if you go out for the afternoon on your time then your daughter needs to go to her fathers and not stay home with your husband and baby. Just pick your battles...it sounds like she will be around for a while (they live together and have a child together too). The real issue here is the medical...

When is he not home for more than 3 hours? Right after school? What time does he come home? How close is he to you?