My EX has not seen our son for over two years, help!!!!

[ksmarks]

We were not given handbook on how to be parents, or what the expectations where for the job.  It could very well be that your son's mother had a difficult upbringing and few appropriate role models to fashion herself after.  Parenting classes would help her in that, as would a parent aid. 

As previous posters have suggested supervised visitation is a great idea, if you could also get parenting classes and other supports that she might need, your son would benefit form having two parents that are involved in his life.

[grtdaddy]

We were not given handbook on how to be parents, or what the expectations where for the job.  It could very well be that your son's mother had a difficult upbringing and few appropriate role models to fashion herself after.  Parenting classes would help her in that, as would a parent aid. 

As previous posters have suggested supervised visitation is a great idea, if you could also get parenting classes and other supports that she might need, your son would benefit form having two parents that are involved in his life.

i agree with you 100% our son deserves to have a mom and dad. but the problem is when she was hospitalized for her suicide problems, she was diagnosed bi-polar. she refused this as her problem and would not take any medication that was prescribed to her. she has been on anti depressants since the day i met her, but the problem is she doesn't always take them and to be flat honest they don't work for her. until she takes some accountability for her problems nobody in this world can help her because she refuses it. meanwhile here I am after two years of her never seeing our son attempting to protect his well being if that makes sense. I am going to go for the supervised visitations for quite awile, as i agree with the posters here, but i am also going to attempt to keep sole physical custody at this point and work a visitation schedule for her supervised for a length of time and see if she can do what she needs to do, to become a mother to our child.

[gemini3]

grtdaddy - sorry, I misread your post.  I thought you had said that she had asked for his report card.

Ocean - I think that, regardless of whether or not you feel the other side is playing games or if they are owning up to their own responsiblity, there are some things that you should always do.  Like sharing medical and school information.  If you have the information why force the other side to get it from the school?  Just to play games too?  Getting the school to send report cards to the NCP can be a very frustrating process.  I know from my husband having to go through it every year with his kids.  It's so much easier if the CP sends a copy.

[grtdaddy]

im going to guess and say because thats the responsibility of the other parent being a parent. you can't simply expect everything to be givin to you, you do have to be a involved parent at some point. and honestly how long do you think that could last before you just get fed up with it?

[ocean]

I think as a parent you need to get the information. Schools are computerized and can easily (and legally they have to) send two copies of report cards out. If I want the copy I fill out the paperwork in the beginning of the year just like the other parent does (new address, phone numbers).

Dr. paperwork also. If I want a copy of the blood work or whatever I ask for it and so should the other parent.

Now, CP's should inform NCP's when there IS a dr appointment because they are the ones making the appointment. Or if the school changes things on the school calendar that the NCP is following since that paperwork usually comes home with the child.

If the CP does give the information then that is their choice but I dont feel it is their responsibilty. My Dh is on the school mailing list, school has an active website, and he called and got his own parent number to go on-line and look at grades and lunch accounts. It is up to the parent to parent not the ex. (but we are dealing with someone that didnt tell us the school concert was changed until AFTER the concert so we are used to finding info out ourselves...)

[grtdaddy]

and thats exactly one of my ex's defenses. she is arguing WE never called her for phone contact visits. I have told her too many times to count that her is her responsibility and she does not agree. in fact she is using that as her only defense in court. I also begged her to send our son things like, letters, pictures, clothes and any kind of gift she felt she wanted to send. She never sent anything, ever. called about 3 times in 2 years.

[gemini3]

Ocean, not all schools are as technologically advanced as that.  We have struggled every year to get information from the schools.  It is also not so easy to get medical information.  Sometimes it has taken letters from our attorney to get this information. 

I think that parents should work together not against each other.  Refusing to share information you have is, in my opinion, just spiteful behavior.  There's no reason for it.  I do feel it is the CP's responsibility to share information about the children with the NCP - and vice-versa.  I don't see any need for gate keeping, except to make life difficult for the other person.

[ocean]

My situation is a little different but I respectfully disagree. If I need to get my girls records from the dr, I have to go down and fill out the paperwork, wait and get it. So should the ex. I am not spiteful and share all info but some things he can do on his own. If ex wants more info or his own he can go and get it set up that way.

[gemini3]

I see what you're saying on the Dr information, but the report cards are sent home, so it requires no effort on the CP's part to share this.  I'm not saying that one side should be at the others beck and call, but if you already have it then I think you should share it and not make them go and get their own copy just because you can.

I am talking about information you already have in your posession, not something you would have to go and get.

[grtdaddy]

I see what you're saying on the Dr information, but the report cards are sent home, so it requires no effort on the CP's part to share this.  I'm not saying that one side should be at the others beck and call, but if you already have it then I think you should share it and not make them go and get their own copy just because you can.

I am talking about information you already have in your posession, not something you would have to go and get.

what is wrong with expect the NC parent to simply inquire about it. it should be something an parent that gives a crap about has intrest in. not just oh btw here is our childs report card. thats is one sides parenting. if it was the NCP you better believe i would hav a caopy of it or at least ask "when are they comming out, so i can get a copy"