Father wins custody

[JW]

Sounds familiar, like the parable perhaps? The difference is my child is NOT happy. I don't know if spending more money really proves anything other than I can spend more money than she can. It's not that she's a BAD parent, she's an apathetic one. It seems so unfair that just because she's "the mother" she should get preference. I know times are changing, but not fast enough to save our children.

[daddymccoy21]

Very true. My ex once used the arguement, "well, you have to work.  So I should have the kids." C'mon, are you kidding me?

It doesnt show that you have more money, if you request and eval and offer to pay, it truely shows that you are taking the steps to find out what is best.

fathers have a very hard time in court. It is VERY tough to make anything happen. Keep pushing and you have a chance.

[JW]

Oh, I'm going to push, have no doubt. I think that's my ex's fear. I have tried to talk to her nicely, and explain my position, but she still swears by "the papers." I think there's more going on down there than I know and she's afraid I'm going to find out. I live 250 miles away and she thinks she can hide what she's doing and/or not doing, but she forgets I'm from there, she's not. Anyway - I just want my daughter to be happy and well-adjusted. Good luck with your daughter.

[cowboy crazy]

We requested ours too, but thankfully the expenses are split but it is still costing us $4000 for just our half.  But we feel that it is worth it and hopefully her true colors will come out and they will finally see what we have been seeing for the last several years!

[daddymccoy21]

Trust me, it will. There is no "fooling" the evaluator. I can't stress how important it is to BE YOURSELF - they totally know who is faking it.  When they ask you tough questions about your ex, like how you feel about them - tell the truth.

One thing to that stood out in my eval, was that when we were asked what we thought was the best thing for my daughter - I straight out said "Me. I am the best thing for her. I know that we have a close relationship and she will be comforatable and happy with me." When my ex was asked, she said, "well, there is no real answer to that. She loves us both. Its really hard."

Ok, which answer sounds canned to you? I was honest, she tried to play the nice lady card. ust tell the truth about EVERYTHING. I let the evaluator know that I really didnt like my ex. That I though our child would have a harder time in school and in life if she stayed with her.

Anyways, I could go on forever.

[cowboy crazy]

My husband nor I will have a problem stating that the best thing for the children would be to live with us.  But the ex will say the same thing after all she is the only one who can take care of them properly!! :)  We will be honest and we have TONS of documentation and conversations to give to him too.  Not to mention that the oldest is very adament about living here and is very anxious to talk to the evaluator - she wants this over and to move with us asap!

[Dr.Stepmom]

A couple comments:
1. I am a Stepmom as well as a Mom and in my opinion, no matter what BM does, you have to encourage the kids' relationship with her and let her keep her title.
2. Some people do OK without a lawyer, most don't know enough to navigate the legal system alone.  We find that our lawyer is most helpful in making us watch our behavior when emotions get the best of us...I think many posters would agree not to try this alone!
3. We got a psychological evaluation and our evaluator totally missed the boat.  DH and I had normal valid MMPIs (objective test of personality) and BM and her hubbie had invalid tests.  This was ingnored and he instead choose to rely on Rorsharch results (felt by most to be bunk) which showed Mom was normal (not even close!!!!!) and DH is a narcissist.  Evaluators are human, can easily make mistakes and often err in favor of the status quo, even if it isn't the best plan.
4. We are now getting better results using a Special Master....this is a lawyer that hears both sides of the story and solves our disputes.  He keeps us out of court, his rulings are court orders and must be followed and he will have a better long term feeling of the personality and actions of everyone involved.  When we do go back to court or our custody evaluator to have custody changed he will be a great asset.

Just my opinions (and I have been through 4 years of fighting, and have 13 more ahead of me!), hope they help.

Dr.Stepmom (and now Dr.Mom too)

[Dr.Stepmom]

You are lucky, our evaluator was fooled (read my other posting for more info).  Mom lied repeatedly and when she was caught it was ignored (she even lied about the pediatrician saying we abused ss and when the pediatrician responded that he never said that all the evaluator took away was.."no abuse", not "Mom is willing to lie about anything to get her way").  We told the truth and the evaluator was sure (though he had no proof) that we must be exaggerating.  After the report came out, it came to light that BM broke protocol and did not serve us with any of the documents that she gave the evaluator and her lawyer told the evaluator that BM would stop at nothing to make sure we never saw SS again (though he awarded joint custody 70/30 in favor of BM).  Evaluators response????? He ordered BM to get counseling (which I am sure she will never do) and otherwise left primary custody with BM.  That is justice (in our world anyway).

All in all, try to get the best evaluator you can but keep in mind that you may still get screwed....Sorry.

[daddymccoy21]

Well, another chink in the armor yesterday for my case. The opposing party is now claiming that the evaluator that the COURT selected is was biased, and is now requesting that a court appointed conselor be assigend to our 4 year old, because I am "harming" the child. HAHAHAH!

[JW]

Thanks for the advice on evaluators. I have just discovered that my nine year old has once again moved, and isn't even enrolled in school yet. This will be the 3rd school since Labor Day, and the 3rd residence. And yet I need an evaluator to tell me something is wrong with my ex? Who would do this to a child? My ex has a good job and I send her plenty of money and I see my daughter on a regular basis, but she insists she can "do anything she wants" becaus of the "papers." She knows I am filing for a change in visitation and child support, and I am attempting to get temporary physical custody until all this settles.

My ex is having surgery today, again, and is keeping my daughter at the hospital with her the next three days and sending her home with her parents at night. Then, when she gets out Thursday, is keeping her home to help "take care" of her. Does anyone else think this is sick, and selfish? My child will miss 6 days of school and isn't even enrolled in a new school yet. She didn't go to school last Friday, either. Of course my attorney is doing all she can, but it's so frustrating that educated professionals can't use some common sense. Just venting - sorry.