Questions going inot Mediation.

[Juanab]

Well I have gotten pretty far as far as my case goes without a lawyer.  The Judge ordered that we go to mediation after sheeclined my request.  I have a coupeof questions for anyone on here.  
 - Does anyone know the Fl Statute about new relationships and contact with the children?

 - Can anyone give a good list of things to remeber when going into Mediation so as not to forget the critical details?

Here is what I have so far to bring up in court.-

 - right of first refusal.
 - Interferance of outside parties.
 - Primary Residence issues.
 - Visitation times and days.


Can anyone help me with other things I need to list so when I goto the Mediation I will be prepared?  Thank you.

[Ref]

a couple of years ago.

Are you looking for visitation or custody?

If visitation:

You should get a copy of the standard parenting agreement for your county. Just do a google search for your county and "clerk of the court". You should be able to find it.  This, barring anything out of the ordinary such as you or your ex haveing a criminal background, will be a perfect starting point. This is the minimum that you will get. Put a list together of changes that you want.

Right of first refusal is perfectly reasonable to ask for. I'm not sure what you mean about interference of outside parties. Normally verbage like that is not put into the agreement unless there is a serious physical threat to the child and you can prove it.

You should definately spell out dates times and places of exchanges. It will save you in the future. That was in the standard that my DH used.

Best wishes,
Ref

[Jade]

>Well I have gotten pretty far as far as my case goes without
>a lawyer.  The Judge ordered that we go to mediation after
>sheeclined my request.  I have a coupeof questions for anyone
>on here.  
> - Does anyone know the Fl Statute about new relationships and
>contact with the children?
>
> - Can anyone give a good list of things to remeber when going
>into Mediation so as not to forget the critical details?
>
>Here is what I have so far to bring up in court.-
>
> - right of first refusal.
> - Interferance of outside parties.
> - Primary Residence issues.
> - Visitation times and days.
>
>
>Can anyone help me with other things I need to list so when I
>goto the Mediation I will be prepared?  Thank you.


I agree with Ref's recommendation to get a copy of the guidelines for your state.  

As for the new relationships and contact with the children, I am not sure what you are wanting to know.  But I do think that it is a good idea to not introduce someone new to the children until you know the relationship is going to be around for a while.  

[mistoffolees]

Aside from the advice you've already gotten, let me suggest that you leave NOTHING to good will.

For example, lots of people have agreements that say they get 'reasonable' visitation. Forget it- that's a worthless phrase and there's a chance that the other party will say that it's reasonable for you to never see the kid - and you'll be back into court.

'Parties will negotiate' is also a meaningless phrase. The other side can say they tried to negotiate and you wouldn't comply.

'Parties will keep the child's interest in mind' is just as useless. Both parties always say that they do this - even when it's obviously not the case.

Make sure you set limits on her moving. You want a restriction that the mother can move if she wishes, but if so physical custody reverts to  you - IOW, the daughter can not be moved out of state (or out of a 50 mile radius, or whatever).

All the things need to be specific. What holidays do you get and what time and place do you pick the child up for your time? Saying you get her for 'every other Christmas' is useful, but barely. Instead, say you will pick her up at 6 pm on the last day of school before Christmas and return her to the mother by 5 pm on New Year's Day - or whatever you agree to.

Now, the important part. What are you planning for custody? Unless there is some criminal matter in your background, you should insist on joint legal custody - even if the other party is going to have primary physical custody. If you let her have sole legal custody, your rights drop to near zero (you get the agreed-upon visitation and nothing else).

If you're able to handle it (distance, finance,s etc), go for joint legal custody and shared physical custody (lots more courts are having the kids alternate weeks for 50:50 parenting now). This would normally be your starting point in the negotiations. However, if she has any criminal or psychological issues, you MIGHT start by asking for sole legal custody and primary physical custody. However, I wouldn't do this unless you think there's a real chance that you'll get it because it merely starts things off on an antagonistic level. If it goes to court, you can always ask for sole legal later.

Second choice is joint legal custody with her having primary physical custody and you having liberal visitation (at least equal to your state guidelines, and hopefully more). This is the least I would settle for.

Only if you have a major criminal or psychological issue should you agree to her having sole legal custody. If she's got a lawyer involved, you can bet that she's going to try this and hope that you'll let her get away with it.

I would consider talking with a lawyer before going into  mediation and to have the final agreement written by an expert.

[williaer]

Word it EXACTLY as you'd like it. We put in ours "Mother will have Child for Two weeks of the month and Father will have child for two weeks of the month. When we started it was 2 weeks, 2 weeks- Mommy dearest decided she couldn't handle two weeks at a time and insisted that we go week to week- it sucks, but we didn't specify how the time was laid out- so we lose.

Also- put in there something about what happens if either of you were to die or be permenantly unable to care for the child. It's not an automatic switch of custody and if grandma and grandpa get a bug up their butt...well, you see where this is going.

[MixedBag]

No double standards.

If you want her to live by it, then you be ready to live by it.

Mediation is not binding.

What happens in mediation may not be brought into the courtroom as evidence.

You can not call the mediator to testify for anything.

Be very very specific.

When anyone balks at specific wording, focus on the fact that specific wording will mean less room for various interpretations down the road.  You've already been given one good example experience from another parent here.

[Ref]

Although it isn't in itself binding, usually in Fl the mediation agreement will be signed by both parties (if you are able to agree) and the mediator and entered into the court to make it official. This agreement itself is not binding, but when the judge gets his mitts on it it becomes a court order and binding.

Ref

[mistoffolees]

True. I think the reason the non-binding nature of mediation was mentioned is the person was concerned that they'd be forced to do something on the basis of mediation.

That can't happen. If you don't agree to mediation, you simply say you don't agree and then you're not bound by it.

Of course, if you say you agree, you'd better mean it because as you point out, it's going to have the force of law as soon as the judge signs the mediated agreement.

[POC]

To my knowledge, there is no such thing as a "standard parenting agreement" in Florida. If there is can you provide a link to any county that has one?

[POC]

> - Does anyone know the Fl Statute about new relationships and
>contact with the children?

Ch. 61.13 deals with custody and visitation. The presumption is for "frrequent and continuing contact". I am confident in saying that no definition exists to quantify what that amount of time acutally is.


> - Can anyone give a good list of things to remeber when going
>into Mediation so as not to forget the critical details?

You need to be a bit more specific as to what you mean by that.

>
>Here is what I have so far to bring up in court.-
>
> - right of first refusal.

You probably won't have a problem with that, but in pracitcality it is nearly meaningless.

> - Interferance of outside parties.

Calrify, please.


> - Primary Residence issues.

Typically, one parent will be designated as PRP, and the other NRP.


> - Visitation times and days.

Ch. 61.30 defines a "substantial amount of time" as 146 or more overnights out of the year. As long as it is true, I suggest that you tell the judge, "there is no good reason why the child should be denied substantial access to either parent." You may want to provide a comparison of results of children in joint custody situations to fatherless households, which is typically how children are denied substantial access to a fit parent.  

>
>Can anyone help me with other things I need to list so when I
>goto the Mediation I will be prepared?  

Yes, study the info at this website - http://flcfc.com/ then ask me what else you would like to know.

POC