Questions going inot Mediation.

[Juanab]

The problem I am having is that.  She is introducing the new person in her life as the new caregiver.  She does not want me to have any rights.  She has stated that the new boyfriend takes care of our child now.  

[POC]

juanab,

Here is the link to Ch 61.13, which deals with custody and visitation - http://www.leg.state.fl.us/Statutes/index.cfm?App_mode=Display_Statute&Search_String=&URL=Ch0061/SEC13.HTM&Title=->2006->Ch0061->Section%2013#0061.13


Her not wanting you to have any rights has nothing to do with anything, except to try to ruffle your feathers. It only works if you let it. The boyfriend, even if he ends up marrying your ex has no legal standing with the child. That is reserved for the mother and father.

Stay focused.

[Juanab]

Thank you for the advice.  I have read the satatutes and am preparing it and organizing it now.  I Took a camera with me on our meetings to ensure an even playing field.  On camera they go on to say that he takes care of her now. and that it is not in the best interest of my daughter to be with me because they are in another school district.  I have alot of fottage with them. Can I take that to court with me?  I have not let her or her boyfriend get to me.  I have maintained absolute calmness.  Is there anyway to post video footage so that you can see for yourself.  and maybe help me with the appropriate actions???

[POC]

First, I'm not a lawyer, and am not implying to give any type of legal advice. I HIGHLY suggest that you consult a Board Certified Family Law Attorney. You can run my suggestions below by your attorney.

My personal take on the situation is that the two of you are jockeying for position to show how you are the better parent. If you want to get caught up that, go ahead. But, I have to tell you, it is not very often that fathers are successful in doing so, unless you can prove that she is a pond-scum sucking leach, and even then she'll probably have to make some snide comment about how the judge is dressed.

Mediation is pretty meaningless, as nothing is binding until both of you agree to it. If you could do that, then you would probably still be together. That being said, some people still swear by it. I found that leaving right away and taking my ex to lunch was much more effective, and cheaper too. We didn't talk about anything to do with court, other than to agree that we'd see each other in court. But, at least she had the good sense to not waste any more money on the mediator and her attorney. I asked my attorney if he'd like to join us for lunch, but he just laughed and said that we were making a Wise decision. Needless to say, the mediator was a bit miffed by the whole situation. There, parents could agree to go to lunch, but he couldn't get us to agree on anything about our kid that the court had to decide. Long/short, I was required to show up, and I did - got the t-shirt!

My suggestion is that you eventually tell the judge that you believe your child should have substantial access to both parents. Again, Ch 61.30 defines that amount of time as 146 or more overnights out of the year. In Ch 61.13, one of circumstances that judges are to consider is

"j)  The willingness and ability of each parent to facilitate and encourage a close and continuing parent-child relationship between the child and the other parent."

It is my belief that stating your belief that both parents should be substantial parts of the child's life puts you in good standing when considering that factor.

As for footage of mediation proceedings, it is my understanding that nothing that is said in mediation can be used by other party in court. Supposedly, the reason behind that is to facilitate an openness about the proceeding.

Finally, if the judge rules to deny you and your child substantial access to each other in the absence of any clear evidence that it would be harmful to your child, then you may have good grounds for a Constitutional Appeal. Talk over with your attorney, or possibly Soc. I can tell you that the state statutes affords the judge that type of discretion, so I doubt you would win that issue on a state appeal, unless you were able to show that it also violates Florida's Constitution, which I believe it also does. But, you better be prepared to submit a comparison of results for children in joint custody to their counterparts in sole custody situations. You also better hope that the judge does not find you to be an unfit parent, or else that whole argument is moot.

The argument is interesting, but I don't know if you've got the time, money, or inclination to see it through. Hopefully you'll get a judge who sees the wisdom of having two involved parents.

[Juanab]

I do thank you for the suggestions.. That is all I am asking for.  The videos I have are not of Mediation  they are of contact with the other party outside of any court room.I felt I had to safeguard myself from her to even out the playing field.  I do not wish to deny the mother access to her child.. I just wish to be a fulltime part of my childs life.

[POC]

Can you tell me what part of FL you and your child live in?

[Juanab]

Tampa, FL

[POC]

I'm a little south of you in Naples.

[MixedBag]

The reason I said "Mediation is not binding" is that only COURT ORDERS are binding.

See -- mom and dad can mediate, agree, and even sign a piece of paper together at the same time.

Some states will regard that piece of signed paper as binding already and turn it into a court order.

Other states will allow either party to change their mind as long as that signed piece of paper hasn't become and order.

There is a chance that you walk out of mediation THINKING you have an agreement, and then one person changes their mind.

It can happen.

Trained mediator here.  We were taught to NOT have the parties sign the agreements.  However, a guest lecturer who is an attorney said "Yes, go ahead and have them sign the agreement and add a clause that says they understand it's binding."  Because in AL, a piece of paper with two signatures is binding.

And since we're not attorneys, just mediators, that's why we were taught to not have the parties sign the agreement and to let them take it back to an attorney and turn it into legal words and a legal document.  Mediators have to be very careful NOT to cross over and practice law.

Had one attorney share a story about her client.  The couple signed an agreement and then her client filed for a divorce (using another attorney).  Well, that attorney didn't follow the proper procedure (something about not properly serving the other party), and so legally they are not divorced.  But there is no open argument about the property settlement and stuff because there is a signed agreement which is binding here in AL.  They just had to go back and file the divorce paperwork properly to make the divorce legal.

Splitting hairs if you ask me.....

The bottom line is that when two people walk out of mediation, you may THINK you have an agreement, but that AGREEMENT isn't enforceable until it becomes a COURT ORDER.  

So if you got the other party to agree to something you really really want and they probably didn't really want, you might want to lay low until it becomes a court order before they realize what happened.

[MixedBag]

The initial divorce or parenting plan and stuff?

Your tapes....that you mentioned in the other thread.

Here's what I suggest

For mediation, they will only become useful IF the Mom denies saying that stuff during your discussion with the mediator,

You can show the video clip -- prove Mom wrong -- and then move forward.  The only way it might help is that Mom will start focusing on solutions instead of belittling your role in raising YOUR child.

Remember, the mediator is trained to get you two to come to a decision.  Mediators DO NOT MAKE decisions.

Mediators are not lawyers in that room, or social workers, or counselors, or nothing.

They are there to assist in moving conversation forward.

Conversation will hopefully result in agreement on issues regarding the child.

As a mediator, I come into the room totally neutral with no idea what the solution is gonna be.  Each couple is different and different answers are gonna work for them.

For court....getting them introduced as evidence is tricky.  I'm not an attorney, so I can't tell you how to do this.

I can say from personal experience, that when a parent is not focused on the child, usually their true colors will shine through in court and the judge will see that.  That's what happened to my EX#2 -- he shot himself in the foot.