Affair Partner Overnights and Vacations

[nosonew]

The hardest part of divorce is having two separate homes, two separate lives, with the common denominator being the children. There will be different rules, situations and experiences in both homes.

My best advice is to just realize and accept that you cannot control anything that occurs at the other home.

You don't have to agree with what he does, and certainly don't have to like it, but you do have to accept that you can't control it.

Your girls have been brought up with your morals and values for many years and this situation will not make them do a 180. These things are instilled at a young age, just as honesty, empathy, etc are.

Have faith in your girls. Trust them. Enjoy your life.  Good luck.

[sweetnsad]

My opinion, after all is said and done?

Move on.  You cannot control what Dad does, nor should you.  He is free to live his life, as he chooses, and if he chooses to sleep with his girlfriend while your children are visiting him, then so be it.  It's not like your kids are very young and not sure what is going on....your kids are VERY AWARE of how things are....they aren't stupid.

I just don't understand WHY you would want to put such a clause in your order....to me, it sounds like a nasty way of trying to control your ex's life, even when you aren't together.  The kids are not being abused or mistreated....that's a huge relief, as much as you don't know it.  Try being on the other side of the coin where you wonder if your kids are being beaten or fed.  MUCH BIGGER CONCERN.

You're apart now....let it go.  There are much bigger fish to fry, my dear.

[dearsirena]

will, and I mean WILL cause more harm to your children than if they know dad has a new partner and it is sexual.

I am sure your children have overheard you talking to friends, family or ?? and this will certainly create more anxiety within themselves.  You can't be a comfortable person for them to be around if you are constantly worrying about petty stuff such as this and trust me kids are NOT stupid.  I can only hope for their sake that you don't bad mouth their father and his choices in other areas.

Children stay healthy when there are no parental conflicts, bashing, etc. going on.  Let him go on with his life and you do the same.

I am sorry you feel pain but for the kids sake you need to get yourself healthy and this isn't the way to go about it.  Have you considered "divorce adjustment" counselling?

Sirena

[BehindBlueEyes]

Just my $.02; but the judge in my case didn't see me living w/ my boyfriend as an issue when deciding custody.  I'm living w/ my boyfriend and my ex was remarried.  The GAL came in & said my situation was better and between that and the fact that DD wanted to live w/ me then that's what the judge ordered.  

If your children resent their father for making them babysit his GF's children while they go out then the children need to talk to dad about this.  They're 13 & 16...they're old enough to speak their mind to him about this.  

You can try and ask a judge for it; but I don't see it being an issue unless you can prove that the kids being in contact w/ Dad's GF is going to put them in danger.  They've already been around her and nothing bad has happened.  No abuse.  No neglect.  A judge will not most likely stop it now.

[catherine]

and I agree.  The original poster seems to be in a lot of pain and she doesn't need to be criticized or people to be so "harsh" on her.  Letting go of that control in the other house is a real hard pill for some in the process to follow, especially when it's new.

[ivehadit]

depending on where your court case is. I have friends who live in the "bible belt" in western TN, and several other states along that "line" and morality is a HUGE issue in some of the smaller county jurisdictions.

A guy I know was subject to supervised visitation and scorn from the court for merely dating while his divorce was in process and meeting up with the woman and all of their respective children at a McDonalds. You have to wonder what would have happened to his custody had the woman slept over.

We may live in the USA in 2005, but not every square inch of this country is as progressive thinking as many on this board, and that has to be taken into consideration when someone brings "morals" to the table for question.

[BehindBlueEyes]

I wasn't much further from there...My case was heard in northern GA.  There was a morality clause in the temporary orders (which I followed & he didn't...even tho he was the one who had it put there); but the judge in the final hearing didn't even consider it an issue.

[Brent]

No response to this....why am I not surprised? Well, maybe it's because Catwoman's supposed "facts" are pure bullshit.


>>It is well documented that female children (we have two
>girls)
>>tend to get involved in premarital sex and/or abusive
>>relationships faster and earlier when they come from homes
>>where the male parent has left (as in this case).
>
>No, that supposed factoid is not well documented at
>all. As VA Stepmom said below, this appears statistically in
>girls where the father is absent, which is not the case here.
>If the father is present and allowed to take part in parenting
>the children (whether he is in the same home or not) this
>issue almost disappears.
>
>So, please go back and re-examine the information you found.
>If it does indeed state what you claim, please post the link
>as I suspect a fair number of people would like to have a look
>at it.