looking to relocate

[Innocentprncss]

I think that I can decide for myself if that time will come.  My soon to be husband has been on the receiving end of a move away parent and wouldn't let that happen.  He is willing to help out to make this work for ALL of us even my ex.  I would be a stay at home mom so it wouldn't be hard to devote time to that stuff.

[Brent]

>What YOU don't know is that I would have access to flights
>from the miltary base to a base here in WI and THAT was how I
>was planning on taking care of that!!  

Lol, you are so full of crap. Of course you wouldn't tell us that....it's probably not even true.



>Like I said, YOU DON"T
>KNOW IT ALL!!  Rather than accusing, or trying to make me look
>bad, why not ask a question!!

Why not quit bullshitting us and tell the truth for a change.

[Brent]

>My son has no father figure and my
>soon to be husband is a great dad.

Stand by for Rationalization.

I love how you can manage to justify this while still claiming it would be no problem for you.  Of course you've lied about practically everything else you've said here, so it's not like it's a big surprise.

[Brent]

>so my rights to remarry are null and void because HE doesn't
>like it?  

Don't be stupid, you can marry whoever is dumb enough to hook up with you. No one says otherwise, so quit with the "I can't marry!" nonsense.



I am not the one focusing on gender.  I believe that
>is was joni that said I am on the wrong site and need to go to
>singlemomz.com where they would help me screw my ex over.  

You'd fit right in there.


> I have VERY SPECIFIC reasons for needing to do this.

I don't give a crap about your reasons, I give a crap about your child. It's good that at least one of us does.

Poor you, you're not getting all the "You Go Girl!" strokes you expected. We don't like move-aways, they usually suck for the child and the NCP. But you don't care.

[Brent]

>My soon to be husband has been on the receiving end of a move
>away parent and wouldn't let that happen.

Right, like he has any input into this, lol!


> He is willing to
>help out to make this work for ALL of us even my ex.

Then HE can move to YOU and the child gets the best of both worlds.


>I would
>be a stay at home mom so it wouldn't be hard to devote time to
>that stuff.

It must be nice to live off of the work of others. I wouldn't know.

[dontunderstand]

I have read ALL of the posts and honestly I have to say that I am sorry that your daughter has such a SELFISH mother!  All you can talk about is what you are getting out of the deal.  In all honesty I am a custodial and a non custodial mom and I WOULD NOT move my daughter away from her father and he DOESN"T EVEN SEE HER, BY HIS CHOICE!!!  But if the chance ever presents itself, it is available.  I have since remarried and my daughter has a bonus dad and a "father figure" he is greater than anything we could have EVER asked for.  She also has step siblings that she loves dearly, but nothing will ever replace a biological father.  You are very selfish and if your husband to be truely went through it, he would NEVER request it EVER happen to another child or parent!  You obviously have your mind made up, but please know that when your daughter realizes that it is you that screwed up that truely important father daughter bond, you will be lucky if she forgives you...you are the bad guy here, not the man that realized he made a mistake and stepped up to the plate...better late than never...

[IceMountain]

with your soon to be husband?  If you think it is OK for your daughter's time to be cut from 3 wknds a month to 'at least 1', why not try that schedule with your soon to be husband?  You will have access to flights, right?  So why not fly to CA 'at least 1' weekend a month to see your new husband?  Try spending holidays and vacations with your new husband.... oh, and don't forget 'liberal everything' on the e-mail, phone, postal, etc.  That should all make for a fulfilling marriage, right?  After all, isn't that what you expect of your daughter and her father?  To just be satisfied with 'at least 1' weekend a month?

It doesn't matter that the father was not part of her life until she was 3 1/2.  What matters is the bond and relationship they have developed since that time.  And since you haven't mentioned their relationship, I think it is safe to say that a bond has been developed... one that would be destroyed by the distance you are proposing.

I agree with the other posters, the move-away is a bad idea.  You dump on the child's father for not being a part of her life for the first 3 1/2 years, yet when you flip the coin, it is ok for you to remove your daughter for the next 3 years... of course because of what YOU want.  This has nothing to do with your daughter's best interest.  And, btw, what happens after 3 years?  Can you guarantee that you will live in the father's area again?  If you are proposing that this is temporary, then you must be moving back to WI in three years, right?

You state you can get off of public assistance by getting married and moving... Believe it or not, that CAN be accomplished without getting married and moving across the country!  You also state you can go to school.  Did you know that there are criminal justice schools in Wisconsin, and I believe Iowa has a college or two mixed in the cornfields...  

Are having step-siblings and a step-dad and a school for mommy really more important than the child having a consistent relationship with her father?  More important than her father being able to attend soccer games, school plays, parent/teacher conferences and her first day of kindergarten?  

Your priorities are mixed up.  You are not thinking of your daughter, only to use her to justify what you in your heart know is wrong.  You say you would let her dad move, but would you really?  Not if he had custody, you wouldn't!  You wouldn't want him to pick up your daughter and move her to CA anymore than he wants the same from you.

Stop thinking of yourself!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Nobody can stress that enough... especially since you are not getting it!  Start thinking of your daughter.  She is the one who matters.

BTW, how to the father of your son feel about the move?

[Ref]

Check out this page where they describe what they call Space A travel.

Yes, you can fly out of the bases for real cheap, but you have to be amazingly flexible. Sometimes you are strapped into a cargo plane and somehow I don't think they do the "unaccompanied minor" thing.

http://www.militarymoney.com/lifestyle/1084556064

[kittencaboodle]

>I think that I can decide for myself if that time will come.
>My soon to be husband has been on the receiving end of a move
>away parent and wouldn't let that happen.  He is willing to
>help out to make this work for ALL of us even my ex.  I would
>be a stay at home mom so it wouldn't be hard to devote time to
>that stuff.

I am sorry for you and your daughter.  You've deluded yourself into thinking this is what's going to be best, when the truth is you've made up your mind that your desires are more important than your daughter's needs.  

If your STB Husband is such a great guy, then why not do the long distance thing...  After all, it's only for 3 years.  

Or give custody to your ex-husband...  After all, it's only for 3 years.  

Eventually, you'll get bored with being the "good guy" or decide that so much time with his daughter is too much of a "reward".  Or else you'll decide it's too much hassle.

And please tell us...  

Why was your ex-husband involved for only 1 year?  Did you keep her from him?  

[joni]

From Dear Socrateaser to Ice Princess
------------------------------------

OK, well for me the pertinent facts are:

1. Parents share joint legal custody.
2. You want to locate to Iowa, but only temporarily, and then to California.
3. There are more extended family members in the area where the child presently resides.
4. The issues re school and work are extremely speculative at this point, as no actual plans have been made, plus you are not actually married at the moment, and therefore you are not yet entitled to any of the benefits that you are claiming as part of your rationale for moving.

Under the circumstances, I'd say that your desire to move is outweighed by the father's right to exercise custody, until such time as you actually are married and you are vested in the opportunities that you suggest should weigh in your favor. Moreover, your case is weakened substantially by the fact that your move to Iowa is actually temporary, so any benefits derived therefrom may disappear or be substantially altered with your later and already proposed move to CA.

It's one thing to move 4 1/2 hours driving distance -- it's quite another to move 1,750 miles -- the move to CA will effectively destroy the child's relationship with the father.

So, if I were judge, I would deny the child's relocation and tell you that if you move, I will award custody to the father. After you are actually married, then I would consider the move, but I would want some credible evidence of the new husband's dedication to the marriage, and I would want to know if the father is actually exercising all of his visitation. Also, if the child is in school at the time you move, this would cause me to likely rule against you.

None of these things are clear at the moment, but, if I allow the move, then i will probably substantially increase father's weekend time with the child, and charge you with a substantial cost of the transportation incident to exercising custody.

Of course, I'm not the judge, so all of this is just my wild ass guess. Nevertheless, it should give you some idea of the issues that you may confront should you go forward with this move.

Lastly, remember that you are free to go where you wish. It is only the child who the court can restrain, and the only resolution for the court is to determine with whom the child will spend the majority of her time.
As for moving to CA, that is too speculative to even consider at this point.

PS. Your first post suggested that you were being "chained down" by the child's father. I suggest that you reconsider your feelings in this area. Both of you apparently enjoyed each other enough to have had sex and produced a child, that child should be able to have substantial access to both of parents throughout childhood. If and when you remove the child from the father's locale, I can practically guarantee that the father will vanish from that child's life, because even a 4 1/2 hour drive becomes an insurmountable obsticle to overcome as a routine part of everyday life.

The child's father is not chaining you down. You are dispensing with the child's father. Obviously, if the father isn't interested in parenting the child, my opinion here would be quite different. But, as you haven't alleged that the father is entirely disinterested, my opinion stands.