looking to relocate

[Innocentprncss]

No I am not perfect but why should I not have my daughter with me where she is more comfortable because he is throwing a fit about it.  What I am offering is relatively the same as what he has right now.  In fact better because he has to help with transportation right now.  He is also paying child support right now.  I think that I am being very reasonable in how I would be compensating him.

[Innocentprncss]

I might not like it but I also know that it would be really crappy to make him stay here for MY needs.  Just because I wouldn't like it doesn't necessarily make it fair to him.  I think that if he had had her all her life like I have and wanted to move to an adjacent state and was willing to be so cooperative, I think that I might go along with it so that they could get moved and have her registered for school before the beginning of the year.

[Brent]

>I might not like it but I also know that it would be really
>crappy to make him stay here for MY needs.

Sometimes as a parent you have to make chioces like this.


>Just because I
>wouldn't like it doesn't necessarily make it fair to him.

Exactly. And just because HE wouldn't like it doesn't necessarily make it fair for YOU.



>I think that if he had had her all her life like I have and
>wanted to move to an adjacent state and was willing to be so
>cooperative, I think that I might go along with it so that
>they could get moved and have her registered for school before
>the beginning of the year.

Lol, you are SO full of crap. This is the most self-serving load of baloney I've seen in quite a while.
 

[Brent]

>I think that I am being very reasonable in
>how I would be compensating him.

If it's so reasonable, why not give him custody and then you can have the same terms of visitation? I mean, if it's such a good deal you should be willing to take it, right?

[Ref]

I think that typo could have been the issue of controversy for the most part. I don't think that Joni or Brent (correct me if I am wrong folks) would think that it was a crap deal for the relationship if he is seeing his daughter more and on your dime and your travel time.

I hope you can understand that it looked like you were turning an every other weekend dad (already a crappy position to be in) into a vacation dad because you felt like you would wanted to move far away to benefit you and to detriment the dad's relationship.

I can't say that I agree with your attitude about the relationship completely and I think you could have handled you posts a bit better. I honestly don't see any problem with your moving and you are willing to ensure regular parenting time for dad and put it in writing that you will be responsible for the costs and travel.

I think if you were to give the judge all the information on your flexibility and willingness to pay/provide travel, you will have a good chance.

[Innocentprncss]

I would like to think that is the case but Brent just told me to F*** OFF.  I am not getting the feeling that these reactions are due to typos.  They seem to really think that I should leave my daughter here with her father when I have been the one to raise her since birth.  He has been in her life for a little over a year.  How does that make any sense?  I thought this was supposed to be a site devoted to working things out between both parents, but I, as a mother am getting nothing but flack.  It is wrong!!  I am glad that you are being nice about this.  Thanks for understanding.

[Innocentprncss]

I am really thinking that you did not understand this post.  I agreed that though I might not like the idea of him moving out of state, that I don't think it would be fair to put my wants in front of what he wants and could be better for my daughter.  From the standpoint of my life and her experiences and opportunities in it, this move makes perfect sense.  She would have a better home, would be with her brother, have 2 little step sisters, would have great schools.  We would be out of subsidized housing and off of assistence.  My point is that I would let him go even if I wasn't entirely happy with it because his job would not be to make ME happy, but to care for our daughter and himself.  That is what I am trying to do, take care of our daughter, my son and myself.  My son has no father figure and my soon to be husband is a great dad.  My son deserves this opportunity too.

[Brent]

>I would like to think that is the case but Brent just told me
>to F*** OFF.

Yes, that's so much worse than telling people to "GET YOUR S*** STRAIGHT!".




>They seem to really think that I
>should leave my daughter here with her father when I have been
>the one to raise her since birth.  

No, we're saying "don't move".



>a little over a year.  How does that make any sense?  I
>thought this was supposed to be a site devoted to working
>things out between both parents, but I, as a mother am getting
>nothing but flack.  

We'd give you the EXACT same flack if you were a guy. You're the one that's focussing on gender. Believe me, if a father came in here and said what you said, I'd hammer him too. Count on it.  

[Brent]

>My ex even said
>that when I called and talked to him about this, that I was
>very polite and I approached him the right way.

What, you should get a medal for acting like an adult??

[joni]

Did you read Innocent Princess'  post on Dear Soc....she's leaving out quite a few details on this forum.  No wonder daddy is freaking out.  How is innocent princess going to drive her kid from CA to WI every other weekend for visitation?  She's the one full of S***!!!!!

***********From her quote on Dear Soc - new hubby is 5 hours away and joining the army...relocating from WI to Iowa and eventually to California...***********

As I understand them, I have primary physical placement and my daughter's father has periods of physical placement (3 weekends a month). Alternate holidays and an alternate will be given to him on holidays he doesn't have.

We have joint legal custody.

I have not been able to find any restrictions on relocating in any paperwork that I have.

I am looking to relocate to Iowa, but my soon to be husband is going into the army and wants me and my kids to be able to live with him and his daughters on a base temporarily in CA or east coast during his 3-4 years he is in.

Where my soon to be husband lives is about a 4 and a half hour drive from where I live now.

My daughter will be 5 in ten days.

Where I currently reside, she has me, her brother from previous, her dad is an hour away living with her uncle and she has his parents close by (although I never hear from them in regards to wanting to spend time with her). As far as friends, she has no special friends really.

Where I intend to relocate, it would be me, my son, my soon to be husband, his 2 girls, his parents and brothers and sisters. I would be about the same distance from my family as I am right now.

Well as I said, I am looking at a remarriage, I am looking at going to a college there that has a special program set up for people with kids and a specific program devoted to my major (criminal justice), my boyfriend would be going into the military which would pay well and have good benefits. If we lived on the base with him, the schools are very good. I would have better housing in Iowa or on base because I live in subsidized housing right now. I would be able to get off assistance and be able to stay at home with my kids.