Must take my child to all extra curricular activites, even on my weekend,

[tommy1319]

I get my son everyother weekend, We have a house in the Poconos where we enjoy boating, sailing , fishing, snowboarding etc.. and playing with his two other sisiters from another marrige.  He's 10 years old.  My Ex- Girlfriend just took me to court, because I take my son every other weekend to the Poconos.     Well, the judge ordered that I have to take him to anything my ex signs him up for like soccer, or baseball on one of my two weekends.  That means we can now only go up to the Poconos once a month!  And the kicker is that she doesn't have to take him to anything I sign him up for, like bowling on her weekends!  Talk about a double standard!!!     Hes content to play have the season, and come with his dad the other two weekends.   I thought that if its my weekend, I can do what I want with my son.  I don't tell her what to do on her weekends!  I don't get it!!!  
Please help!!!!!!    

[ocean]

The judge is looking at what is best for the child. The child should be allowed to play soccer games on your weekends. If you go away one weekend then okay fine...we did that too but it sounds like you did this often. At his age, when you sign up for an activity he should be at most games and practices because that is what is fair for the team too. I understand your frustration but  if your child enjoys these activites maybe you can limit it to one activity in the fall and one in the spring for 10 weeks each? Good luck!

[CustodyIQ]

>I get my son everyother weekend, We have a house in the
>Poconos where we enjoy boating, sailing , fishing,
>snowboarding etc.. and playing with his two other sisiters
>from another marrige.  He's 10 years old.  My Ex- Girlfriend
>just took me to court, because I take my son every other
>weekend to the Poconos.     Well, the judge ordered that I
>have to take him to anything my ex signs him up for like
>soccer, or baseball on one of my two weekends.  That means we
>can now only go up to the Poconos once a month!  And the
>kicker is that she doesn't have to take him to anything I sign
>him up for, like bowling on her weekends!  Talk about a double
>standard!!!     Hes content to play have the season, and come
>with his dad the other two weekends.   I thought that if its
>my weekend, I can do what I want with my son.  I don't tell
>her what to do on her weekends!  I don't get it!!!  
>Please help!!!!!!    


Well, to be clear, it means you "only" get to go to the Poconos 3 out of every 4 weekends (i.e., two weekends when son is not with you, plus one weekend when he is).  Must be a rough life.

Suck it up.  The judge made a decision.

This decision in no way will damage your son.  You're just upset that you can't get to do what you want to do.

If this is one of the most horrible things in your life, I strongly suggest that you adjust your perspective and be thankful for everything you have.

[wendl]

Well I think both parnets should take kids to the activities while in their care.  At 10 they are starting a whole new world.  As much as they like bwing with their parents, they also are becoming more independent and have a social life.  

My son is 13, he likes to ski, hunt, fish etc. But he would rather play sports with his buddies.  My ex doesn't see our son, BUT my son and I have a rule ONE weekend a month is for US to spend together, which works really well.

I know it is frustrating but remember you son is growing up and whether we like it or not will want to be with his friends more than his parents.


**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**

[topnotchdad]

I agree that you should suck it up and take him to his games and ENJOY it.  In fact, you should attend his games when it's not your week, too, and cheer for him and be proud of him!  If I were you, I'd try to make an agreement where son is only allowed to do X number of activities at one time.  Then son needs to decide which activities are most important to him, and both parents support that decision and attend his activities.  If he chooses bowing over baseball, then mom needs to suck it up and take him.  If he chooses baseball and soccer, then you need to accept that and go to his games, and take him bowling for fun but don't put him on a team.  Maybe he could do bowling during the winter, when it's not soccer/baseball season.

Go to the Poconos without him when he's at his mom's.  He will say "It's not fair." and you will say "life's not fair."  But don't make him feel guilty about playing sports and keeping you from enjoying your weekend home.  Soon he'll be in Middle or Jr High and his games will probably be during the week.

[msme]

My son's ex was only allowed to see their kids for 3 hours a week. The witch judge gave her Saturday afternoons from 2 to 5 every Saturday. He could not go away for a vacation unless they left after 5 on Sat. & got back before 2 on the following Sat. They could not go away for a weekend ever.

He begged the judge to change it to one week Saturday & the next week Monday from 4 to 7. The judge said that since my son had them most of the time, he could give up Saturday afternoons. I should mention that she is no longer on the bench. We weren't the only family she messed with.

The kids could not participate in anything that happened during that time. She would not adjust the time, even so they could go to friends birthday parties which usually happened Sat. afternoon. Instead, she took them to a park, known for drug problems & spent her time talking with her friends while the kids played in the park.

This went on for over 3 years. Then lucky for us, she just stopped showing up. Now, we are facing court again cuz she has decided that she wants to see them again.

Thank God for what you have & remember that your son will be grown before you know it. Make the most of every moment & go to his games & cheer him on. Sports are particularly good for kids who live with the stress of a divorce. Don't add to it by resenting having to take him to his games.

Good luck & God bless.
You never get a second chance to make a first impression!

[tommy1319]

Thanks for all the replies regarding my situation with taking my son to all his extra curricular activities.  I failed to mention that when we go to the Poconos, we sail, motor boat, water-ski, snowboard, fish, hike and swim.  I consider all those important sport activities as well as soccer and baseball.  My son is content to play every other game as he did all last soccer season.  He wasnt svery much to go to the Poconos and is encoraged to invite his friends as well.  Its been like this for years!  Until now.   He also likes to bowl,  as I mentioned, but my ex- refused to take him on HER weekends because it wasn't convienient.  I think whats good for the gander is good for the goose.  My ex and I don't get along, and I believe she has done this on spite.      

[gidgetgirl]

"He also likes to bowl, as I mentioned, but my ex- refused to take him on HER weekends because it wasn't convienient. I think whats good for the gander is good for the goose. My ex and I don't get along, and I believe she has done this on spite. "

So because XW is a witch re: DS' bowling, that gives you carte blanche to be vindictive in the same way?  Don't you see that DS is caught in the middle here?

With this attitude that you both have, do you think DS can feel free to tell you that he WANTS to go to all the games, or do you think he has some internal pressure to tell you what you want to hear?

Another thing to consider- DS is getting to the age where he should honor commitments- voluntary or involuntary.  I realize that you did not sign him up for these particular commitments, BUT you've since been ordered to go and support them.  You can do it resentfully, which will just make you more angry OR you can enjoy the silver lining and support DS in his activities.  What do you want DS to remember of his childhood- you being PO'd for having to go to his games, or you actively cheering on the sidelines for him and his team with lots of genuine enthusiam.

You have a reason to be irritated that your time truly isn't your time anymore, but PLEASE try to make lemonade out of the lemons you've been given for DS' sake!!!!!!!!!!!!

[futureuselesseater]

All I can say is I'm so glad my ex takes our son to all sporting events, etc...on his weekends and vice versa.  My son's father sees that it is important that our son spends time with his peers doing sports and he wouldn't have it any other way!  In fact, if my son's father has to miss any visitation at all for DS's extracurricular activites he doesn't care as long as our son gets to be a normal child.  We Coparent really well and both agree our son needs the socialization with his friends.

It really is for the best!  It seems the judge has ordered this so there really isn't anything you can do about it other than abide by the court order.

[futureuselesseater]

All I can say is I'm so glad my ex takes our son to all sporting events, etc...on his weekends and vice versa.  My son's father sees that it is important that our son spends time with his peers doing sports and he wouldn't have it any other way!  In fact, if my son's father has to miss any visitation at all for DS's extracurricular activites he doesn't care as long as our son gets to be a normal child.  We Coparent really well and both agree our son needs the socialization with his friends.

It really is for the best!  It seems the judge has ordered this so there really isn't anything you can do about it other than abide by the court order.