Poll, sort of....

[oneandonly]

(Peanutsdad can relate to this~)
I've often wondered, for those of us in the NCP position with child support to pay.....
if the roles were reversed, and knowing your CP, would they/her/him pay support? Would you, going from an NCP to CP, even ask for support?

I'll reference my brothers case. He became the CP, legally, through court, in August 2002. Up until this time, he paid support and was paying back her welfare. (He is all FINISHED with that, btw--woohoo!).
He took the position that although his daughter is entitled to be supported by her mother, also, he would not file for it. He felt that he could support her on his own (which he has), and he NEVER wanted money issues to come between mother and daughter (thinking mom might say something to the effect of "....I dont have the money to see you daughter, I have to pay support.." or something like that).

As for my husband (NCP) and his ex--considering her history--leaching off the system, only holding part time jobs all this time (she doesnt work now), leaching off men, not following court orders...
honestly---I know she would not pay anything to support her children.

[DK]

DH has 50/50 custody with BM having primary residence and she received child support.  If DH had primary residence he would not ask for child support.

He would ask for after or before care, or a summer program while school is out be split.  The only other thing to be split would be ADD medication and the doctors appointments related to ADD.  I would think helping your child child stay well and having a safe place for you child to be when school is out would be reasonable.
 

[richiejay]

Starting as the non-custodial and going to the custodial parent I did not ask for support but some was granted to me (less than what I paid to her when I had him half the time and he was 3 years old)...But if I was in the situation where I had to ask for it...no way, it's not worth it, I only wanted to spend time with my child......

[Peanutsdad]

Considering how vindictive my ex has been. The cs order was simply a money tool to cut into her war fund.

Has it been effective? Somewhat,, shes refused to pay a dime, and currently has a date with the AG on contempt.

Now,, its a bargaining tool.

[Imom]

I know that you asked for ncp, but I guess my dh was at one time he paid cs to the state untill ss was 2 1/2. Then they he and bm split, they agreed that dh would have ss during school and no cs from bm. BUT dh will be filing for it soon...............

[juls]

this did happen to us and no she does not pay support. We never asked. We just asked that she help us with his expences. That didnt happen either.

Sh now has a 2 y/o and she is a stay at home mom.  Her reply to us when we told her he needed this or he needed that was "go ahead take me to court you wont get anything anyway"

So needless to say I work full time (even though I have 3 y/o twins at home) So that I can help support her son along with my husband.

I just love this system. They would have locked my husband up if he tried to be a stay at home dad and not pay support.x(

[dsm]

Are more easily let 'go' of their support obligations than men are.  It's sad that your brother wouldn't request that his ex help support their child.  She *should* be helping - even if he doesn't feel he needs her help - the money she would put in could go towards college, or help with activities, medical trusts, etc.  

When my DH was awarded custody, he didn't request a child support order at first.  Partly because he wanted to drive the point home to the court commissioner that it was *not* about money as PB kept suggesting (she kept saying that he just didn't want to help her take care of my SD financially) and also because he didn't want there to be an argument over money when it came to what SD needed.  PB also 'promised' in front of the court that she would be happy to help with the expenses - all DH had to do was ask and keep her updated on things.  Well, that lasted about a year and she refused to send money for her half of expenses - and it became a bigger battle than necessary, so yeah, DH asked for a support order to be drawn up.  Much lower than the guideline dictates, but enough to allow a cushion for SD's needs.  She will try to use the excuse every so often to SD that she can't afford this, that, whatever because of the child support she pays.  Luckily, my SD is getting pretty sharp on this, and realizes that it's a bunch of hog-wash and she doesn't get wrapped up in it.

It's just sad that there aren't more women held accountable for their support obligations.  And with stories like your brother and my DH who don't request it, it only helps to keep the statistics going that there are so many 'deadbeat dads' and so few deadbeat moms.

[Kitty C.]

I think all fathers should file for CS as CP's too, even if it's way below guideline.  More often than not, most PBFH's won't even pay that, but at least it gets the word out that it makes no difference the gender, there ARE deadbeat moms, too.  That story MUST be told........

[Peanutsdad]

I have hated that term since I first heard it. Deadbeat parent.

Unfortunately, thats exactly what my ex is.

[richiejay]

>I have hated that term since I first heard it. Deadbeat
>parent.
>
>Unfortunately, thats exactly what my ex is.

Take comfort that, in the long run, they look like the moron and you look like a saint.