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Messages - ocean

Father's Issues / Re: Looking for help.
Mar 26, 2021, 02:46:50 PM
Are you seeing child at all yet? You are doing the right thing taking parenting classes. Get infant CPR trained if possible. Try not to email the lawyers too much or call them as you can see that all costs money. Sorry you are dealing with this during covid. Hopefully you can get into court and ask for temporary orders right away. Usually start with a few hours and work your way to full days/overnights. Giving mom sole custody is sometimes ok, IF you have a great parenting plan that details everything. Mom will do what she wants , agreement or not so sometimes you just have to choose your battles. Think about a parenting plan that will include what happens when child is in school (if you live in same district), holdiays, days off of school for child, birthdays for you and child, fathers day, halloween). What you agree in the final orders is what will stick until child is 18 so if you do not right it now, you will have to come back and fight for it later. It is harder to change after the first set of final papers. You can ask questions here if you want. Good luck!
Father's Issues / Re: Temp.orders
Mar 21, 2021, 11:19:30 AM
Temporary orders for what? Visitation? child support? Usually temp orders are put in place so both parents have access to child while the courts have hearings/trial. Ask for the most visitation as possible, offer to pick up from school/daycare. If the situation is crazy, then ask for specifics so there are no questions on who gets child when. (ex. pick up spots and times, who drives child to and from exchanges). Easter and Fathers day is coming up, put those in these temp orders if possible. If you have not seen child in a while, the courts may do a step up plan where you get a few hours and then work up to overnights. If you a bed for child, you should be getting child every other weekend- extended weekends if possible with your jobs. You can also ask the if either parent needs a babysitter over 2 hours , they have to ask the other parent before any other family or babysitter. How old is child and we can help show you some plans. (you only have to post in one of these boards, we read them all). We are not lawyers, just parents who have gone through family court for many many years.
Custody Issues / Re: Not sure where to turn...
Mar 11, 2021, 02:02:10 PM
The courts only care about the child. Call the local school district and see what has to be turned in as far as home schooling. Right now there are also kids on remote learning (not the same as home schooling) where the district does online lessons and child stays home. Which one is child doing? If it is remote, the child has a teacher you can contact.
The courts will not care about what you think or what you have seen. CPS would need to be called and open a file against mom with any charges. They rarely pull a child and change custody.
Once she puts you down as father or the state finds out , she will probably not receive any of the child support and any money will be given back to state to "repay" them.
If you ever feel child is in danger or no food, you can call the local police to do a welfare check.
Custody Issues / Re: need attorney advice
Mar 10, 2021, 07:05:21 PM
Some states have child support until 18 and others til 21. Look into this before you change.
Custody Issues / Re: Not sure where to turn...
Mar 10, 2021, 07:02:26 PM
How old is child(ren)? You really can not just go for custody without a really good reason. If you are able to stay in same school district, you can fight for 50/50 time. They will not move child from home/school/activities/Friends especially when you are not even in the US. Once you are in court, they will make a child support order and a visitation order. You can put in there ways they will contact you while you are away (facetime? Put the exact days/times per week so there is no argument). You can mail them letters/packages. You can contact their school and ask for the parent portal so you can see their attendance and grades. If/when child is old enough for a phone, you can start to contact them directly. Good luck!
Then maybe just email him "As you know, your parenting time is every Sunday, but you continually do not show up each week. Please let me know which Sundays you will be available this month and next so I can plan around them. Also, you said you would tutor xx in xx. If you can not commit to a weekly time, I will have to find alternate tutor as xx needs immediate help now as per the CSE meeting on XX."
If he does not respond, second email "I have not heard from you, until I hear from you , I will assume you are not exercising your parenting time. Children need consistency and I do not want to keep telling xx you are coming and then do not show up each week."
Use email or certified letter so you can prove you tried on your end. As we say on this page for many can not force a parent to parent.....
What does the NCP say when you ask if he is coming to get child lately? Maybe offer once a month schedule? First Saturday of each month....can he commit to that? Really have to find out the reasons, back to work? Do not tell child he will be coming each visit so his hopes are not up that he will show up. Tell NCP that if he needs to cancel any visit , you need xx hours unless emergency so you are not talking up the vist, only for him not to show.
First you should not be comparing the relationship with his father to your boyfriend. Children can always have another person that loves them. You thinking about them all is great and encouraging the time between them is important.

Most kids do not want to get up, dressed and forced out of the house at a certain time. Child might think he is missing things at your house when he is with dad. Dad needs time to bond and sometimes that does not mean he must bring child out and be a "disney" dad (takes them to fun places or out to eat every single visit).

Talk to dad and express child's concerns nicely. "just wanted you to know that xx had a hard time getting ready to go, maybe you can talk to him a bit this visit. I want him to have as many people in his life that love him but he may need some encouragement from all of us. My boyfriend is not a replacement of you but another person in his life....." If this is dad's only child then he may need some "parenting" tips as to what child likes to do. Depending on the heath situation where you live, child can spend time with cousins/family from his dad side on dad's time.

As for child, almost same conversation and encourage him to bring a game/toy /activity to bring on the visits. Tell him he can talk to his dad about things.

Hang in there, hopefully dad keeps visiting and you all remain able to get along for the sake of child.
General Issues / Re: Mom trying to push me out
Jun 03, 2020, 02:56:11 PM
I am not sure you should up and move when mom is not being forthcoming on where she is going and how long that stay will be. Do you have a parenting plan in place for long visits when school is not in session (which is most of the country right now...). If you do not want to send child on plane, you can go there until covid is more under control. He should be coming to you for most of his school breaks including summer for long distance.

You can email/send certified letter to school asking them for copies of his educational record and if/when a school transfer is requested to send you a copy. That paper will be signed by mom telling the old school to send records to new school. If you have been talking to teacher, ask them if mom signed him out of school yet (to leave school).
Hang in there, few years, son will be more vocal about what he wants, then a few more years will be in college and on their own. Many times in HS years is gets crazy as the child is working and maybe into sports and activities that does not allow him to miss time from home state. Most of the country is using skype type free video chats/face time apps to talk to their family/friends/co-workers. Try to set a schedule of when you can video chat with child and keep in touch as often as you can. Send care packages as surprises for him to show him you care. Keep up with his new teacher and follow along on school district website/parent portal/grading system.
Good luck!
Your son is 15? Usually judges rely on GAL recommendations and they interview the child and what the child wants , especially at age 15.
50/50 usually needs parents to get along as it involves school days/weeks. What have you been doing so far?