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#41
Visitation Issues / Re: 9 year old does not like t...
Last post by balleros - Jul 01, 2020, 02:15:19 PMI would agree with you in terms of not wanting to go with father because of other things but so far, most activities he has done with his father are activities he would do with me, too. We have done mainly family outings: bike, hike, walk, museum. Only two visits they were alone. For one they went on a bike ride and for the other on a car ride and my son showed him his school and fav places.
but yes, he needs to get used to the new situation.
I do have to bring up my boyfriend because he has been around since the pregnancy and my son considered him family way before I did.
but yes, he needs to get used to the new situation.
I do have to bring up my boyfriend because he has been around since the pregnancy and my son considered him family way before I did.
#42
Visitation Issues / Re: 9 year old does not like t...
Last post by ocean - Jun 29, 2020, 07:30:07 AMFirst you should not be comparing the relationship with his father to your boyfriend. Children can always have another person that loves them. You thinking about them all is great and encouraging the time between them is important.
Most kids do not want to get up, dressed and forced out of the house at a certain time. Child might think he is missing things at your house when he is with dad. Dad needs time to bond and sometimes that does not mean he must bring child out and be a "disney" dad (takes them to fun places or out to eat every single visit).
Talk to dad and express child's concerns nicely. "just wanted you to know that xx had a hard time getting ready to go, maybe you can talk to him a bit this visit. I want him to have as many people in his life that love him but he may need some encouragement from all of us. My boyfriend is not a replacement of you but another person in his life....." If this is dad's only child then he may need some "parenting" tips as to what child likes to do. Depending on the heath situation where you live, child can spend time with cousins/family from his dad side on dad's time.
As for child, almost same conversation and encourage him to bring a game/toy /activity to bring on the visits. Tell him he can talk to his dad about things.
Hang in there, hopefully dad keeps visiting and you all remain able to get along for the sake of child.
Most kids do not want to get up, dressed and forced out of the house at a certain time. Child might think he is missing things at your house when he is with dad. Dad needs time to bond and sometimes that does not mean he must bring child out and be a "disney" dad (takes them to fun places or out to eat every single visit).
Talk to dad and express child's concerns nicely. "just wanted you to know that xx had a hard time getting ready to go, maybe you can talk to him a bit this visit. I want him to have as many people in his life that love him but he may need some encouragement from all of us. My boyfriend is not a replacement of you but another person in his life....." If this is dad's only child then he may need some "parenting" tips as to what child likes to do. Depending on the heath situation where you live, child can spend time with cousins/family from his dad side on dad's time.
As for child, almost same conversation and encourage him to bring a game/toy /activity to bring on the visits. Tell him he can talk to his dad about things.
Hang in there, hopefully dad keeps visiting and you all remain able to get along for the sake of child.
#43
Visitation Issues / 9 year old does not like to ha...
Last post by balleros - Jun 28, 2020, 09:26:12 PMMy son's father was absent for most of my son's life. He started to spend time with my son since this pandemic affected us. But since they never developed a relationship, I was around them for most of the visits. I did try to have them alone so that they could connect. I would say that his father visited him about 6 times since March.
Well this weekend my son said that he does not like to hang out with his father.
He knows that his father is safe and he is not a bad guy but clearly,my son knows he was absent for so long and he has already established a solid relationship with my boyfriend.
I am trying to be understanding of everyone here.
First, my kid. He knows that we can't fight feelings and if he feels that he does not like to hang out with his father,then those are his true feelings and I want to acknowledge them.
Then, his father. he does know that my son sees my boyfriend as a father figure and he knows that my son is not ready to call him father.
At the moment, he does not know what my son shared with me.
Any advice on how to proceed.
we were used to being ignored or ghosted and now this is a new situation.
thanks
Well this weekend my son said that he does not like to hang out with his father.
He knows that his father is safe and he is not a bad guy but clearly,my son knows he was absent for so long and he has already established a solid relationship with my boyfriend.
I am trying to be understanding of everyone here.
First, my kid. He knows that we can't fight feelings and if he feels that he does not like to hang out with his father,then those are his true feelings and I want to acknowledge them.
Then, his father. he does know that my son sees my boyfriend as a father figure and he knows that my son is not ready to call him father.
At the moment, he does not know what my son shared with me.
Any advice on how to proceed.
we were used to being ignored or ghosted and now this is a new situation.
thanks
#44
General Issues / Re: Mom trying to push me out
Last post by ocean - Jun 03, 2020, 02:56:11 PMI am not sure you should up and move when mom is not being forthcoming on where she is going and how long that stay will be. Do you have a parenting plan in place for long visits when school is not in session (which is most of the country right now...). If you do not want to send child on plane, you can go there until covid is more under control. He should be coming to you for most of his school breaks including summer for long distance.
You can email/send certified letter to school asking them for copies of his educational record and if/when a school transfer is requested to send you a copy. That paper will be signed by mom telling the old school to send records to new school. If you have been talking to teacher, ask them if mom signed him out of school yet (to leave school).
Hang in there, few years, son will be more vocal about what he wants, then a few more years will be in college and on their own. Many times in HS years is gets crazy as the child is working and maybe into sports and activities that does not allow him to miss time from home state. Most of the country is using skype type free video chats/face time apps to talk to their family/friends/co-workers. Try to set a schedule of when you can video chat with child and keep in touch as often as you can. Send care packages as surprises for him to show him you care. Keep up with his new teacher and follow along on school district website/parent portal/grading system.
Good luck!
You can email/send certified letter to school asking them for copies of his educational record and if/when a school transfer is requested to send you a copy. That paper will be signed by mom telling the old school to send records to new school. If you have been talking to teacher, ask them if mom signed him out of school yet (to leave school).
Hang in there, few years, son will be more vocal about what he wants, then a few more years will be in college and on their own. Many times in HS years is gets crazy as the child is working and maybe into sports and activities that does not allow him to miss time from home state. Most of the country is using skype type free video chats/face time apps to talk to their family/friends/co-workers. Try to set a schedule of when you can video chat with child and keep in touch as often as you can. Send care packages as surprises for him to show him you care. Keep up with his new teacher and follow along on school district website/parent portal/grading system.
Good luck!
#45
General Issues / Mom trying to push me out
Last post by C1M - Jun 03, 2020, 02:31:22 PMTwo years ago my sons mother moved my son with her to Maui from the states. This was before we had a parenting agreement. I immediately hired an attorney and established the rules. Now I heard first from my 10 year old son that they are planning on moving back to the states. His mother confirmed this about 6 months ago. My issue is this. My wife and I are planning to move where ever they go to be near my boy. Or even move to Maui if they don't move from the island. But his mother is not communicating with me at all about there plans. My wife and I are just in this terrible waiting zone waiting to hear where they are going, while the clock ticks and I don't get to see my boy. Also, I have been flying back and forth to the island to see him as often as I can which has been about every three months. And now I am not doing that because of I don't want to spend the money if they are going to be moving soon. I want the money to make the move. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks
Thanks
#46
Custody Issues / Re: Contest the GAL recommenda...
Last post by ocean - Jun 01, 2020, 09:12:11 PMYour son is 15? Usually judges rely on GAL recommendations and they interview the child and what the child wants , especially at age 15.
50/50 usually needs parents to get along as it involves school days/weeks. What have you been doing so far?
50/50 usually needs parents to get along as it involves school days/weeks. What have you been doing so far?
#47
Custody Issues / Contest the GAL recommendation...
Last post by Dadtods - Jun 01, 2020, 05:51:19 AMHello,
State IL, S15. Divorce ongoing.
Gal is not recommending 50-50 because she does not believe the ex and I get along well. Is there a way to contest her reasoning and ask the judge to overrule in a pre- trial?
She visited my son twice at home for about 30 ministers each wherein he said he will not take sides.
In ensuing meeting she did not want to even hear my reasons for 50-50 and I felt was biased
In last meeting with stbx the GAL said she will add domestic and international travel to her recommendations and when her letter came out omitted it.
Thanks
State IL, S15. Divorce ongoing.
Gal is not recommending 50-50 because she does not believe the ex and I get along well. Is there a way to contest her reasoning and ask the judge to overrule in a pre- trial?
She visited my son twice at home for about 30 ministers each wherein he said he will not take sides.
In ensuing meeting she did not want to even hear my reasons for 50-50 and I felt was biased
In last meeting with stbx the GAL said she will add domestic and international travel to her recommendations and when her letter came out omitted it.
Thanks
#48
Arkansas State Forum / Visitation amidst COVID-19
Last post by momofmany - Mar 25, 2020, 08:43:48 AMFeeling uncomfortable with the current happenings:
We are staying home to prevent the spread of the virus. We've been home for almost 2 weeks at the recommendation of our Governor. The other parent says "I've been out and about all day everyday" [Non essential work......choosing to capitalize for the almighty dollar]
Admits to running fever yesterday, but feels ok today. Wants kids this weekend, but will pitch them back to me next week. Our arrangement is a week on and a week off. The kids have been with me for 2 weeks.
Anyone else having similar issues?
We are staying home to prevent the spread of the virus. We've been home for almost 2 weeks at the recommendation of our Governor. The other parent says "I've been out and about all day everyday" [Non essential work......choosing to capitalize for the almighty dollar]
Admits to running fever yesterday, but feels ok today. Wants kids this weekend, but will pitch them back to me next week. Our arrangement is a week on and a week off. The kids have been with me for 2 weeks.
Anyone else having similar issues?
#49
Custody Issues / Re: GAL, legal complaint, DV i...
Last post by Considerthis... - Mar 10, 2020, 04:16:32 PMDon't know what state you are in, though in some states you can successfully request a change in GAL or to have no GAL involved.
#50
Visitation Issues / Re: Offering alcohol to 7 year...
Last post by ocean - Mar 03, 2020, 05:33:38 PMAre you in the middle of court right now?