What do you think of this letter?

[POC]

Your questions are valid. That is why it is imperative that the guidelines say what and how they are presumed to proportion money between the parents to meet the needs of the child. If a parent lived in Fargo, ND it would seem obvious that more money would need to be allocated towads witner clothing than where I live in SWFL. But, if distance were an issue, travel would become more important. Regardless of the situation though, the absence of a rebuttable presumption leaves the courts helpless but to order arbitrary decisions in all cases.

[Wi-Mom]

I am completely out of my league here, and all of you have thought very well about all of this.

Everyone's reaction has been so very interesting.. but I keep feeling that child support needs and expenses is so subjective I don't know how it could possibly be determined "fairly." There are things we all agree child support should cover:

Food
Clothing
School fees/field trips, etc


There are some things that are necessary, but subjective to others as far as what CS should cover:

% of rent/mortgage
% of heat/water/utilities
% of phone bill

Dr expenses should be divided between both parents, so that's in a category of it's own. (including glasses, dental, etc)


Then what about the other things that are not necessities but are part of childhood?

Birthday parties: - given (cake, pizza, soda.. etc) (In my case Dad attends but does not pay a dime even for his own pizza.)
Birthday gifts for your child's friend's parties: (Your kid gets invited they need to bring a gift!)
Toys (They have NO toys at their father's house)
Computer software for extra learning at home/Internet etc -  (Their father won't pay for anything of the sort his house or mine)
Tutoring (I'm paying the $4600.00 Sylvan Learning Center bill myself  because I elected to send our youngest son for professional help because he was failing every single class. It was not required.. but I believed we had no other recourse)
Drum lessons (Or piano, ballet, whatever your child is interested in)
Scouting fees (boy scouts/girl scouts)
Class trips to Washington DC (I paid the $300 fee myself for each of our kids because it was optional. If the kids hadn't gone.. they would have been the ONLY kids not to go.. but it wasn't required so I got to pay it.)
Class rings ($75 - $350)  - Yearbooks ($50)
School photos/SENIOR photos!
Homecoming/Prom dress/hair, expenses.
8th Grade Graduation/1st Communion/Baptism family events/parties.

I'm listing all the extra things that I pay for myself and HONESTLY I don't even ask my ex to help. He knows the expenses are there, even attends the birthday parties and eats the cake and food but doesn't offer anything for them financially. School photo's he helps himself. I'm not complaining.. but I am just curious which of these items would you all put into what category? Covered under child support or not? Who should pay for them? Am I missing anything in any of the categories? I think this is one thing that never gets truely defined or nailed down and I'm wondering what your thoughts are?

[catherine]

Send it.  It might not be appreciated, but he will remember it one day.

What a bunch of grumpy guss' here!  When people are sooo adament that CS is alimony in disguise they are in denial that it costs $ to raise a child and IMO, these complainers are the people who give FRG a bad name.  Sure they want 50/50 custody, but many do not want 50/50 and to say, sure offer him half the time with the child sounds all nice but is unrealistic.  Some parents have even fought to have 50/50 and then still let the other parent hold the burden of parenting with giving them no money.  Not ALL father's enjoy going clothes shopping with their kids and things like that!

[MYSONSDAD]

Another issue is the 'deadbeat'. This is targeted at NCP's who don't pay support. How about the CP's who deny access of the children to the NCP'S?

If it were me, I would just casually mention how glad you are that you BOTH can work together in being parents. Offer him a chance to express what he would like. More time with the children or more access to school events. Open the door for better communication.>

WHAT PART OF THIS DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND?

You apparently have some major issues, get help!

And I will give you a clue, CS is nothing more then a form of maintence.

If you can not make an educated post, don't bother...

"Children learn what they live"

[catherine]

My post was under the original poster, WIMom.  Don't know whose "quote" that is in your post to me.  Was I talking to you?

I've been on both sides just like cathy dearie - CP and NCP paying.    We aren't discussing CP's that deny visitation or anything else.  We aren't discussing CP's that spend the money on themselves and not the children.  We aren't talking OUTRAGEOUS CS amounts.

My husband PROUDLY paid his CS, and didn't bitch about it.  We knew she wasn't spending it on the kids but DH still didn't bitch about it as it was his DUTY to provide for his children.

Now that the tables are turned, she DOESN'T WANT 50/50 custody and doesn't want to pay CS either.  I, the stepmother, have been paying way more than my fair share for these children.  Now PB has a CS order and quit her job not 6 weeks later.  It's for $360 a month for two kids.  Please tell me how that is a form of maintenance?

If you can't make an "educated guess" don't bother yourself.

[Davy]

Uhmmm ... almost ALL fathers I've encountered would be "tickled pink" if they knew they could have the government automatically label them as the sole custodian to their children along with a huge financial reward/award and then encourage the father to resist allowing a relationship with the other parent.

BTW, many fathers can take candy from a baby and somehow the baby knows better to cry about it.

[MYSONSDAD]

Again, you asume too much. Your remarks were made in general to all of us here. The original question was in regard to sending a letter to her ex.

Until you are a father denied of time spent with your children, YOU DO NOT HAVE A CLUE. Some of us put the children before the money.



Well some of us do or we would not be here...

P.S. Not all CS is spent on the kids




"Children learn what they live"

[catherine]

I know a lot of Fathers that would want to be sole custodian but I don't know many that would want to treat the other parent the same way they were treated as an NCP.  

[catherine]

And yup, my DH was denied time spent with his kids.  It wasn't me directly, but believe me I felt the pain just as much as him.  That's why he fought it - asked for 50/50 and she ended up giving him custody.  I do have a clue!  DH did pay support though and didn't complain.  We both went above and beyond the CS award too and bought them back to school clothes and supplies and stuff.

In this case, I think it's nice that a CP wants to show the NCP that his money is appreciated.  I agree with your post that she should offer/encourage more time, but is that really the issue?  Look, like it or not, some Dads and Moms don't want to spend time with their kids.

I used the REAL bottom line because the thread was hijacked with the conspiracy theories of CS money and people telling her to offer more time instead of thanking him for the money.

[MYSONSDAD]

< hijacked with the conspiracy theories of CS money and people telling her to offer more time instead of thanking him for the money.>

THIS INFORMATION WAS BASED ON FACTS.

"Children learn what they live"